Wow...I have made an intellectual connection with another man, a fellow runner in the community who has a lot of my same morals/beliefs/goals and just tonite, I found myself wanting to kiss him. This is the first time I have ever thought of another guy in this way since meeting my WH 5 years ago. There has been obvious flirting between the two of us but both of us are just recently heartbroken and removed from marriage (myself) or a long term relationship (him). I think we both are gunshy. Anyways, it is nice to be out connecting with another man and to start feeling that affection that has been lacking in my life. We'll actually be headed off to Europe together along with his coach as he prepares for a marathon...I am going to run my first international race, a 10k in Rotterdam ( : I am looking forward to seeing where our connection goes...whether it be solely as friends or perhaps my first relationship post divorce.

On another note, WH was served my response papers from my lawyer. I am not sure what happened...supposed to talk to my lawyer tomorrow. I really feel for him cuz the **** is hitting the fan...all his devious behaviors, his deceit, all the lies are catching up to him. I still really do care for him as a friend and hate to see his life spiraling down and am truly concerned for his safety when he is out drinking. I have tried to urge him to seek out help and also tried to lend a helping hand but he has resisted and also told so many lies that have hurt me as well as his family and friends. I am not sure what else I can do to help...thought about talking with his wedding party with whom I have been in contact with since D-day but then another part of me think that WH needs to hit rock bottom to really realize the character flaw, his tendency to engage in unhealthy outlets when stressed or insecure, that is leading him to continuously engage in such hurtful behavior every single fricken relationship he enters. Any thoughts on this matter?

-K

Me: 28 yo faithful wife
Him: 31 yo WH
Married: 3.5 years
His Affairs: Several months in 2003 with coworker, came back to supposively work on the marriage in 2004 but met a 2003 high school graduate who exposed herself via webcam on a chatline in April 04 and apparently felt that she was worth pursuing more than our 5 year connection and marriage. How rejected/violated/hurt do I feel...grrrr.
Plan A thru Oct 04, Plan B current, Divorce papers served by him a few days prior to X-Mas, Divorce to be final around our 4 year wedding anniversary.

Hi K,

I want t/b happy for you but it is a bit early for a new R, eh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> If he is the right one, he will wait. If not, he wasn't. Not much work or worry for you t/d but I am sure this boosted your ego a bit. Justifiably so. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care,
L.

Thanks Orchid...yeah, I do think it is early to jump into dating. I am actually was asked out by another man on Thursday but I told him straight up what my situation was and that I wasn't ready to develop more than a friendship connection.

With the guy tonite, he also knows about my situation as do I with his so whatever may happen with us in the future (friends or a relationship) is totally cool. I just find myself falling a bit...he is very attractive, athletic, intelligent, and has a good head on his shoulder....I don't easily fall for guys either so it was quite surprising to find myself fantasizing about kissing him. It is kind of funny since a few people who know the both of us here in San Diego have tried to get us to meet for several months now since we have so much in common...it was just 3 weeks ago when I met him now we have connected on a friendship level...it feels like I have known him a lot longer than 3 weeks. And yes, it does boost my ego to have a male companion to share stories with and laugh with. I am going to follow my heart as well as my gut in this case...and I will take it slow.

-K

Be friends. If it is a good friendship, then a good R can built on it....after the foundation has been laid.

I am sure you w/b cautious in your next R. Keep posting here.

Getting excited for you and your trip abroad. Let us know if you make the papers.

R there any MBers out that way?

L.

Yeah...I am stoked too...I have never been outside North America so travelling to Europe for the first time is going to be awesome. We are going to spend a few days in London, a few days in Amsterdam, a few days in Luxembourg, and then finish off in Rotterdam. I may try to take a train ride to Paris if time permits. It would be so awesome to bring home an international trophy ( :

I'll most likely be in Honolulu in October for the Triathlon World Championships too so perhaps we grab a bite to eat...guess i have to qualify first but my training is going really well right now.

How are you doing?
-K

Doing good.

Let me know when you w/b in Honlulu. It's a small island so meeting up s/b easy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Here's my addy: mborchid2@yahoo.com

Have fun!

L.

Will do Orchid...have your e-mail saved ( :

-K

kjb,

So happy to read about your ego stroke, just keep everything in perspective.These are very dangerous times for both of you.


[QUOTEBe friends. If it is a good friendship, then a good R can built on it....after the foundation has been laid.] [/QUOTE]

Good idea except the use of the last word in the sentence <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Dangerous in what way, Cymanca???

I did have 2 psychologist sit down and tell me that WH has psycho/sociopath tendencies like Scott Peterson which literally scared the sh*t out of me since WH was thinking of starting a family/buying a house with me while he was engaged in an affair as means to cure his screwed up mind. Looked what happened to Laci when Scott Peterson was looking for ways to deal with his f*cked up head. I have had a few nightmares to this extent. I do remember towards the end of our journey, I made some kind of joking remark about a shirt he bought and he started tickling me playfully...only it wasn't so playful, almost agressive/painful and he didn't stop like he usually would. This was the first time I was taken back...at this time, it was a matter of days before he was to drop the bomb on me so I am sure he had a lot of anger/confusion/pain built up inside his head. Anyways, looking back on it makes me wonder.

I don't believe my WH to be anything like Scott Peterson though. I do know he acts agressively and very immaturely when under the influence and also when he is stressed, his moods get the best of him and his insecurities seem to be heightened...obviously leading to unhealthy behavior types. I am very concerned for his wellbeing and do believe that he is capable of doing something stupid (like jumping from rooftop to rooftop as he wanted to last 4th of July when drunk) that would compromise his health, perhaps kill him, or jeapordize an innocent persons life (drunk driving)...feel helpless watching him spiral down this road again when his life was so good just a couple years ago. Not sure there is anything I can do which sucks.

I am just curious what you meant by "dangerous"?

Thanks,

-K

kjb,

Dangerous in that your emotions are swinging wildly from one extreme to another. If this new man is also coming out of an A, this is a recipe for disaster if your new R progresses too far and too fast. You have two very hurt, very vulnerable adults that are attracted to one another.

As for your WS, he may resurface. What are your plans if he shows up at 2am on your doorstep, a very real possibility?

There was not an affair in his case...their life goals were just very different. Of all people, it was my dad who told me to watch out for relationships on the rebound so yes, I will be careful...can't imagine being rejected and hurt again when I am still healing.

With regards to WH showing up on my doorstep, unless he made copies of the keys he returned to me, there is no way he could show up randomly at my doorstep. I live in a secured condo complex...suppose it is possible that someone could let him in but I am very cautious about anyone to be knocking on my door at that time of day. I will be moving soon anyways...looking to invest in a townhome/condo with a friend this year ( : If he did call or come over, I'd request we go outside or in a more public locale to talk.

-K

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cymanca:
<strong> kjb,

So happy to read about your ego stroke, just keep everything in perspective.These are very dangerous times for both of you.


[QUOTEBe friends. If it is a good friendship, then a good R can built on it....after the foundation has been laid.] </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good idea except the use of the last word in the sentence <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> </strong>[/QUOTE]


Cy,
U r a baaad boy. Stand still while I smack you with my MB 2x4. WHACK!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Orchid,

Sorry, tried to sneak that one by most of you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You guys are too funny! It has been awhile since I have had my foundation "laid" per se (let's see, 9+ months since d-day) and after last nights shin dig with this guy, I had a very sexual dream (yes beyond kissing). I haven't had very many of these dreams with other men beyond WH so needless to say, I was bummed out to be in a lonely bed this morning! When I am ready and with the right companion, there will be fireworks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> -K