Hi mortarman and everybody else <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ,

I'm now finally sitting down, trying to write my Plan B letter but I need some advice about wether to send it this way or not.
I did use some of Dr. Haley's letter in the book tough and I hope it is alright.

Here we go;


My dear * ,

I'm sitting here in a NYC hotelroom, thinking about us, our marriage and our family.
I'm at a point, where I can no longer sit back and watch you raise somebody elses children while yours are crying here for you!
This whole situation hurts us all very
much and I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that made this situation and your affair with * possible.

I have made many mistakes in our marriage and now we are both suffering for it.
I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs.
But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with * once and for all.

Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you.
If you want to communicate with the children you can still do so via phone or email.
I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way.
I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with her.
I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from * and are willing to follow some measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, such as spending as much time together as possible in Oklahoma as well as in Germany and showing proof for your efforts to return to Germany, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I still want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day.
I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other.
We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy.
Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate.
I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me.
And I want you as my best friend.

* , I loved you when we married and
I continue to love you right up to this day.
I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing * .

With my love

dakota

I have to add, that my WH is in the military and lives in the US with the OW and her children, while we are still overseas in Germany.
I would like to post my story with this topic but I dont know How, sorry!

So what do you think? Should I send a copy of the letter to the OW too?
Is it better to send the letter by mail or email?

I'm very thankful for every opinion I can get!

You all take care out there

dakotamoon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Me 39
WH 34
S10,D4
A startet 12/2003
Exposed to me by OW's girlfriend 6/6/2004

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 03:16 AM: Message edited by: dakotamoon ]</small>

Dakota,

I would lessen the I's and change some of them to our, we or us.....

Mistakes in the M s/b: Our
Resposible for my contribution: Me/I/self
Let us work on making our M healthy together
I am working on me

Present you and your children as a 1 pkg deal.

The A is hurting the family
When he comes back it is to the family.

As a result, the family needs to feel safe and therefore, the OP can not be in their lives. It is because your family does not feel safe that you must resort to plan B (don't say plan B but state the effects and desired reason).

Harley says to send the OP a letter drafted to them but I did waaay at the beginning and it didn't do any good. Others have had better results. So don't count on anything with the OP.

JMHO,
L.

Dakota,

I dont know your whole story, but Orchid is correct on the changes.

I know you said your WH is in the US and you are in Germany. While that doesnt allow a lot of time or opportunity for Plan A, did you do any Plan A? What were the results? Is he involved at all with you and/or the kids right now? Plan B always works better with some sort of Plan A.

In His arms.

Thanks Mortarman and Orchid for your advice!

I'll try to do as you say and then eventually post it again.

By the way, mortarman, this is my story if you would like to read and give your opinion. It would be highly appreciated! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My Story

Dakota <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />