Dad - I'll second the nomination of your babies as totally precious kiddoes! Your youngest sounds JUST like my youngest on the phone (they are only a few months apart).
I thought of you and your darling wife A LOT last night.
I realize that outbursts towards you were said out of anger - even though I think you did your best to get your digs in. I apologize to you for being so hostile. I know you're hurting too. There are those that say you're due your pain, but there comes a time that we have set it aside and fix the PROBLEM, not just address the pain.
In retrospect, I understand how you probably felt ganged up upon and lashed out at everyone - especially Mom since she is closest to you and your situation. I saw your reactions and noted that they weren't that much different than Nio's when he felt trapped by his choices.
Ed, no matter what you think, YOU ARE NOT TRAPPED - not unless you CHOOSE to be. By that, I mean there is a way through this. It is hard, taxing work...but it brings blessings that you've not yet dreamed of. The only trap is the one where you choose not to work, stay in the mire of status quo and let ALL your family see what you've been reduced to - BY CHOICE.
You are SO much like my Nio, Ed. Stubborn and proud - but it's your pride and stubborness that are keeping you from winning your family back. If you want them back, you need to quit listening to those voices in your head that are telling you all of those negative things. You need to humble yourself enough to concede that YOU need work.
Kandi has her own work to do to get through this. She's gonna do this with or without you. She's resigned herself to that. I know how she feels...that resignation is a heavy burden to carry, but it's not without it's benefits. Right now it's helping her to stand up for herself.
But Ed, it's your turn. Instead of lashing out, you must REACH out - to Kandi, THROUGH your intermediary....It MUST be done this way at first! It MUST be, or you both will fall back into the same habits that landed you here.
Ed, it's work. But, I don't think you'll ever, ever be sorry you tried.
I wish Nio'd post to you, but he's not a computer person. There is hope - you are mired right now in the perceived fact that there isn't any....
Think on it. Please. For Kandi, you and all the kids.
- Kimmy
