Heck, I didn't even know what to title this subject...anyone that has read any of my past...knows that during this past year my FWW has asked for my forgiveness and stop her contact with her OM. Trouble is,,,we keep getting back together and she will start to think I deserve better...she saids she loves me in many ways...but she is like 2 people trapped in one body and this other person wants to go be on her own...we have never been to council together or a seminar and I have wanted to...and if things wouldn't change for her...I'd let her go and give her a divorce...everytime she leaves she comes back when I'm really to stop this and file. Tonight after a great week...she phones me at work and asks me to dinner...I told her I had been out in the cold all day and just wanted to come home....She then had a chore to do at her workplace and called me later from her single co-worker girlfriends house and told me they was going to dinner and she wanted to talk about our future tonight...claiming she is really mixed up...in closing says "I love you". What should I look for tonight? Thanks...please pray for Debby and I.

Welderboy - Yikes - You have gone through all of this for a long time. Maybe you should think about Plan B.

Yep....I need a break...she said she was a mess today, like 2 people in one body. It's now after midnight and she said she would be here early enough to talk. I guess she will most likely move out again in the morning when I'm at work.

Well. I didn't hear from her all evening...and she didn't come home. I'm not a total wreck...just hurt. I've stayed home from work today...to keep her from just sneaking in here and getting her stuff and leaving without facing me...that's how she done it in the past. I guess if she leaves...it's plan B or a D.

Hey...I guess the real shame isn't our marriage. I feel so hurt and sorry for Deb, she'll be 40 in May...and to not know what you want in life has to be something only a few people can understand.
I just spoke with my Dad...and broke down some. I guess if she was to tell me it's over...I'll be fine, and I pray for her happiness. Thanks guys.

Do you have a Plan B letter written? I think she does this because she can. Post your letter here so we can check it out.

I have one...that I sent her on 12/29/04 and at the time she wasn't living with me...but seeing all the time and talking on the phone together. She had left me for the 2nd time on Oct. 31...then got ill and had a kidney removed in Dec. I was there for her...but during Christmas, I decided she needed to come home or end this because I felt we couldn't fix things apart and I was wasting my time. When she got the letter, she phoned crying, not wanting to end our relationship and without be asking returned home that day...and wanted to begin a new life and a new year together. Just this week she said..."I've tried not to love you and have you in my life"..."but I just love you and want it to work". Any thoughts? I've yet to hear from her...

First let me say, I have not experienced what you are, but I wish you a positive outcome.

Here is my $0.02

Have you placed a call to the local police just to make sure she wasn't in an accident?

If you are certain that she is physically OK, then maybe have her bags packed, and a new Plan B letter waiting for her. when she shows up, hand them to her (Preferrably on the front step OUTSIDE) and then simply turn around, close the door and let her be.

She is being very disrespectful to you and she seems very selfish.

I think that Hosea_2004's suggestion is a good one.

<small>[ January 28, 2005, 08:34 AM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

She has just called....said that she went out with her girlfriend...drank too much, unable to drive stayed there. Said she knows that she is only hurting herself and our marriage..."I love you, I'm sorry".

Welder, we came on here about the same time and I remember much of your story.... she said "she is sorry" she should be. IMHO it is time to put your foot down. You can not be at her beckon call forever.

I'm thinking that it time for plan B letter part II and explain that this time is different and that even though you gave in last time no matter how extreme the circumstances this time you must stay dark. The key is really meaning it of course.

I think the fact that you have found times alone that you were finding peace will help your resolve. Best of luck and always remember that IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!

*****edit******

**note to Bart***

This is a marriage SUPPORT board!! Key word being support.....

Please reread the Marriage Builders policy and Terms of Service you agreed to when you registered for this site.

Any questions, contact me JustUss2@aol.com

JustUss

<small>[ January 28, 2005, 03:46 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Hello,

Your story is pretty sad. The old saying: No consequences to her actions equals no movitation to change" applies here. She will continue to betray, humiliate, and disrespect you as long as your allow her to do so without consequences. Her words are simply words. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. She can say she loves you now until doomsday but her actions are saying she does not love you and totally disrespects you.
Until you stop being a doormat her behavior will continue since she has no reason to change. There is a famous definition of insanity which states something like: doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. Does this ring a bell for you? If you want change then change your actions because her actions have remained consistent toward you. I wish you luck.

Thanks Bryanp and others...she says that her 30 yr. old co-worker eggs her on...she is single loves to run and wants to have Deb as her buddy. I kinda think and have her FWW speak of her "midlife crisis" and this kind of action makes her feel young. She claims that this will not happen again. But also asked me to help her, claiming that she sometimes "feels" like a different person...asking me to pray with her.