A few weeks ago I found a woman's profile on the computer history. My husband plays online games and I didn't think too much of it at first. For the last week or so, he is secretive about his computer use, closing screens and such when I walk in the room. He has told me he is chatting with this woman and I asked if he told her he was married. He said no, that she wouldn't talk to him if she knew and he enjoyed talking to her... sigh.

So he isn't trying to hide the fact that he's talking to someone. Yet, I sat down next to him when he was on the computer and she sent several messages that he wouldn't open with me there.

The more research I've do online the more concerned I get. He doesn't answer his cell phone when I call, yet responds appropriatly to the message left so I know his battery isn't dead. He is more willing to run the kids around or go to the store than he was before and of course, he has his trusty cell phone with him. He bought a sophisticated computer protection equipment for our pc. There are several more little things that are sending up huge red flags all over the place.

My question is this: I've read that I should A)Nip it in the bud. Or B) Have solid proof before confronting. If I wait until I get solid proof, it will be too late to nip it in the bud!!! Also, he sells and repairs computers for a living and I am worried that he will find any monitoring programs I put on it.

We have a blended family with his/hers/ours. We've been together for 3 years and I thought we had a stable relationship. I don't understand what he gets from her that he doesn't get from me, we don't fight overly much and I thought we were both happy with our relationship.

I have expressed my discomfort with this and think I should demand that he tells this woman that he is married and end communication with her. If he can't/won't do that I think I should leave. I am not trying to control him, only I think I deserve the consideration and respect I afford him.

For those who made it this far, thank you. I am using a friends computer and will be able to check in at least daily. Am I on the right track? My exhusband cheated on me and I don't want to go through that for another 6 years. Help!?

Put a voice activated phone recorder in his vehicle. Check your history or temp file to see if he has anything logged. What is he putting on his computer?

I would do the voice recorder 1st.....later check out the computer.... sounds like an EA that could go PA anytime.

Watch for signs in case he starts liking new clothes (esp underwear), new cologne, more careful about his grooming, etc..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Sad but true.

Do a bit of PI work or hire a PI if you need to.

Please get the book: His Needs/Her Needs by Dr. W. Harley..... just mention somone recommended it about seeing where YOUR emotional needs are and casually ask him if he knows what his are..... that c/b a lead into the book. The book does discuss Affair info but also discuss' how to commuicate with the our spouses.

JMHO,
L.

Thank you Orchid for the reply. He got a fingerprint security device for the computer. Nobody uses the computer except us.

"...Sounds like an EA that could go PA anytime." Thats what I'm worried about! I am scared that the longer I wait the worse it will be. The recorder is a good idea. I'll pick one up tomorrow at Radio Shack.

I will check into the book for me. I doubt he'll read it but we'll see. What should I be doing in the mean time? I have such a hard time acting like I'm OK with life right now. I'm not. I am so depressed, I just feel lost all day.

My friend offered to follow him after work for me to see where he goes. There is a two hour gap from the time he gets off til the time he comes home (Car Pooling). I think I'll ask her to do that b/c I can't afford a PI. Right now, I can't afford the recorder but I can make it work.

Thanks again. I am so happy I found this site. I think I'll be up all night reading.

A voice activated recorder from Radio Shack runs less than $50.00. Maybe more like $29.99. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Get the book ASAP....Borders, Barnes/Noble, etc.... costs about $15.00 +/-.

Read the concept section above. It is free and introduces you to each of the books.

Read the books and leave it lying around. Maybe his curiousity will get the better of him. Don't push this info. You read it and digest it.

Keep posting here. Keep a journal.

As for his fingerprint security, there are other devices that log keystrokes and in a stealth mode c/b invisible. Of course you said he fixes computers....so I don't know if he would find it. You could set it up and then say you did it to track the children's internet activity and then say hey it's probably good for all of us know to know where we have all been. Thus not singling him out. ya know!!!?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.