I thought that the OW was the "prize" that he couldn't have. And then he just settled for me, when he couldn't have her.

I felt like the "booby prize". He kept saying how he "had to try this". I felt like an old pair of pants - he just wasn't sure if they fit anymore - but couldn't get rid of yet.

The whole idea that my H "wanted" someone else - what a trip on your self-esteem (kick me when I'm down why don't ya?)

Then my H promised he "wanted to try" and would have NC with OW .... And he didn't for a little while .... Then there was this thing at work that involved him and her ... the contact resumed ... it seemed to get more intimate (since they could not speak at work any longer - they were under watchful eyes - everywhere) ... they spoke during the day while I was at work on the phone .... I found out .... I was even more crushed than the 1st D-day (he really didn't want to "try" anything - he wanted her and didn't want me - right? He hurt me and lied to me again).

In an effort to protect my family and myself .... I told him one last time .... NC or no me .... I could not and would not play second to some "thing" .... If he wanted her so badly ... he should just go to her .... and leave me to get on with my life .... without him if need be. (I could do it without him ... I didn't want to do it without him ... but I couldn't deal with all the lies and pain). NC or no me.

He didn't leave ..... he started NC over again ... He wasn't speaking to her .... He didn't leave .... He was really trying with me and seemed to really want to .... I was so confused and felt like I was forcing him to "stay and try".

I told him I loved him enough to let him go ... I just wasn't sure he "wanted" me ... us ... our Marriage. He didn't go!!!

Then I realized .... he was keeping the OW on the back burner .... he was scared .... he was scared of losing me .... he really wanted me and he was afraid that he might not have me. I wasn't the runner up ... I was the # 1 ... I was the ultimate prize and not second fiddle ... he was afraid I would leave him and not want him.

I was the golden ring that he had to reach for and really, really want. I couldn't be anything less (and now I really believe that now too!). And that is why I wear the "golden ring" and the OW doesn't.

JMHO

Brown

Giving brown a standing ovation!

Thanks! I just wanted to say "Duh!!!" when I realized it. But it took 6 months after d-day to realize it.

Good for you Brown <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-Caren

Wow Brown,

Great post title, really piqued my interest. That was a great revalation that you had. Sounds like it gave you a much needed ego boost also!

I hope your recovery is quick, meaningful, and lasting!!

Native

Thanks Caren

And Native - I hope so too!

congrats.
it is nice to hear good news from folks from time to time.

Yay Brown, Yay LINY. You are going to make it!

Of course they are Believer. I never doubted that brown was the gold ring for a second.

Brown you are one cool lady and if he doesn't know how lucky he is to have you I'll, I'll, I'll... get mad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jen

Thanks everybody!

Believer - Yay *us*! (it's b/c of support from my "friends" like you I could post this thread!)

Kiwi - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> sooooooooo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> (and if LINY don't listen to you - you can get <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> soooooooooo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> )

PS - Should I change my name to "Goldie"?

You go girl.
*snap* *snap*

-OAK

WOW
brown........ you certainly are!!

100% solid too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I always had the ring, always wore it.

But I "forgot" that I had it on--I took advantage of the fact that my ring was on tightly on my finger. It could never fall off, right? Rather than cleaning my ring, shining it the way it should be shined and worn, I let it collect the dirt and tarnish and stains when one doesn't take care of something. I "forgot" that just as nice as it looked on my finger when I first "got it", I needed to care for it; to show my ring belonged there; to "keep it." And instead of taking care of that ring when I thought it was past polishing, past the beauty that my ring was when I first wore it, I chose the easy way out; I chose to ignore the ring, still tight around my finger though. Well, I have seven other fingers, right? Why not just try and see if another ring "fits," right? Hah.

Somewhere between window shopping for a "new" ring, I must have brushed my ring againt myself...and held it just the right way to see a little sparkle. I did it again: more shine. Rather than going into that store, I bought some jewelery cleaner. Low and behold, my ring is the same ring I put on 13 years ago. Amazingly, it shines and sparkles and glistens and is more beautiful than 13 years ago. The depth of its beauty is incomprehensibe.

You see, my ring never left my hand--I never took it off; it never slipped off. But I ignored it; I didn't care for it; I didn't love it like it was a part of me. And while I was wasting away to nothing in my own starvation of who I really am, my ring almost slipped off from the nakedness of my being.

Was it not for that little glimmer of light from my ring, being exposed through the scum and fog and all other natural waste material *I* was creating, I would have died a cruel death of malnourishment that I placed myself in. And yes, the ring would have eventually slipped off--along with the charms attached to it.

I am so blessed that I chose to polish my ring, to take care of it and nurture it. It could have easily slipped off.

Hey LINY & Brown - See, I wasn't kidding when I kept telling you guys that you were going to make it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You guys are going to make it...!!!

YES YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm glad you are now feeling it. You guys are going to make it. Very happy for your revelation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

(((((liny & brown)))))

PS - Should I change my name to "Goldie"? I love it!

Liny, lovely addition to brown's post. You too are awesome.

AW,

Yes, you absolutely are the "gold ring"....and RH is mine, without a doubt!

(((AW))))

Well, it's been a fun outing thanks for II & IS -hehehehe

And thank you LINY that was beautiful - I wish I was you're wife - oh I am!!! And you are "my ring" too!

Brown

Bravo! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Brown: I want to say something, though I'm not sure what it is.

Hold that man tight! {{{{{LINY & Brown}}}}}