Ok. I know that the emotional rollercoaster is normal, but I am going through this period of I need to leave. I have thought about it a lot over the past couple of days. I know my H loves me, and that he is willing to work on the marriage, but I just don't see how I can get past this hurt. I just can't get over the fact that he lied to me, and that he thought another woman was worthy of his "love". Does he even deserve MY love? If he could do that to me, how could I stay. If feel like a pathetic fool, who is weak, and can't leave. I always felt like a strong independent woman, but now I wonder if I am a weak doormat. I know that my family sees me that way. They can't believe I would even try.
I am also afraid that I am just staying b/c I am afraid to be alone, and think I won't be able to find anyone new. I have a VERY low self-esteem, and felt myself lucky for years that my H stayed with me as I gained weight, and became more "comfortable" in our relationship.
Am I just going through one of those low points, or should I pay more attention to these feelings?
Any advice would help! Thanks.

True

~~Am I just going through one of those low points, or should I pay more attention to these feelings?~~


DEFINITELY pay attention to those feelings. You also should seek counseling to help with your low-self esteem.

Even if you get out of the relationship, your low self esteem will affect other areas of your life. Do you have kids?

Yes, I have 3 daughters. They also keep me in my marriage. They ADORE their father, and he adores them.. Plus, I can't imagine spending any time with out them if we were to divorce. I just don't see why I would put that scar on them or myself, if my H and I can live together without hating each other. Even if we were just friends, I think being a family is more important than my feelings of betrayal.
We are in MC, but there is no way I can afford IC. We are going to go broke just with the MC. The low self-esteem has been there my whole life, but I have usually pushed it aside. It is hard for me to do that now.
Thanks for the response.

I am still looking for any advice on how to deal. My mood just keeps getting worse <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Thanx!

How to deal?

Imagine a scale, and on the left pan of the scale put:
- your hurt
- your ego
- your H thinking he can love someone else
- your fears
- what do you gain if left him
- etc.

On the right pan put:
- you have 3 daughters who adores him
- your H is a good father to them
- he's willing to work on your marriage
- he's still there with you and not with OW
- you can still rebuild your M and make it even stronger and nicer one, if you BOTH work on it
- what do you lose if left him
- etc.

Then pick up the pan with more worth for your life, and don't turn your head ever to the other one (not unless (if) your H adds more weight to it... where you take the scale again and repeat the process. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )


Self esteem? Begin with a diet, then with highlighting your strong points, above everything else - love and respect your self and that's self esteem itself.

But she isn't going to be able to stick to a diet (if thats what she wants to do) as long as her mind is pre-occupied with these other things. She desperatley needs individual counseling to clear up some issues with herself. Once that is done, she can focus on losing weight.

BTW, if losing the weight will make you feel better about yourself then go for it. However, I am a plus size woman and learning to love myself and know that I am beautiful just as I am made me feel better than anything. It allowed me the choice to lose weight for health reasons if I wanted to but I didn't allow it to be a factor in how I percieved myself.

Let me tell you something.......because I went through this. When I was depressed, I let myself go. No make-up, baggy clothes, hair always ina ponytail. BIG mistake. If I didn't feel pretty, others wouldn't think I was either. Now, I try to 'fix up' everyday, even if I'm not doing anything - because it makes me feel pretty, it makes me feel good......and when I feel good about myself I can focus more clearly on other things. Besides, most men like some jiggle in their jello.

Don't go thinking that you are beyond 'plump'. It doesn't matter. I am not ashamed to say that I weigh 260 lbs and my husband loves it. I constantly get hit on at the store - it even amazes me sometimes, but I've learned that it's all in how you carry yourself - not how fat you think you are.

Men are drawn to confidence far more than they are a perfect body. Be confident in yourself and I promise you'll see results. That may be the biggest step needed in rebuilding your marriage. Make yourself irrestible to your husband - he'll notice!

This may not be good advice for everyone but I learned that if I keep my husband 'wanting' me, he has no desire to look for another woman. When I let myself go, I wouldn't have even 'weanted' me - why would he? Ya know?

Get creative! have sex in the car or the yard. Take a shower together, BUY SOME SEXY LINGERIE (men love it), try new things. Keep him wondering what is coming next. Make him go WOW!

Again, this may not be good advice, but in my experiences, men are 'eat up' with their sexual drive. Make them think, feel, see, hear, taste, want, eat, and sleep SEX. It keeps them happy and they will pretty much become putty in your hands. Men adore a sexual woman.