WW calls the house, first thing I see is her using OM's last name on caller ID, that P***ed me off, I asked her "when you change your last name?" She replies "Shut the F up and leave me alone about that, let me talk to the kids"

I let her talk to the kids, she tells them that I told her if she picks them up, I will stalk her, so she is not going to see them. DS gets off the phone and calls me an A**hole, and just storms off.

I got back on the phone with her, and repeated what I told her yesterday "I will drop the kids off anywhere you want and then I will pick them up, you will never see me" she said NO Way.

I got back on the phone with her, and said "You are their mother, I wish you would want to spend some time with your own kids. I mean really spend time with them not just drag them to your boyfriend." she said "I do spend time with them" at that I lost it. I told her "That's B**S**, you never once have seen them without dragging them to him, and when he wasn't living here, you never cooked them a meal, you didn't even have a desire to cook until OM moved in with his 2 kids, so now you've replaced your own kids with his!!" She tells me I don't know what it is like over there at her place. I told her "It hurts me so much when my kids tell me that when they would stay at your place they basically were like furniture, and had to listen to you talk to your boyfriend on the phone all night, you never took any time for your own kids, yet you take time off from work for his kids, I just wish you would treat your kids like you actually gave a damn! I can't wait to get your [censored] in front of a judge so we can get this settled. right now just come get your kids!" and then I hung up on her.

In hindsight I guess I could've handled that better, but it kills my spirit to see my kids own mother treat them like second place in her life to OM & his 2 kids. she even sent me an email in which she said "OM's kids are the best behaved kids I've ever met".

I can't understand how a person can do this. The reason I gave in was I didn't want her to try to accuse me of stalking, and then try to get an RO, and take my kids away.

So did I screw up bad???

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 07:06 AM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hosea_2004:
<strong>
So did I screw up bad??? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, there is nothing in our lifes that can prepare us for what you are going through. You can only do what you can do. I don't think anyone can say what you did was right or wrong. I am humbled by the fact that you can even be rationally sane talking to her after what she has done to you and your children. Karma is a real thing, TRUST ME I KNOW. Someday the shoe will be on the other foot for her in one way or another. God I am so sorry for you being in this situation. One day at at time I guess.

Cheers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

My question would be Why are you using out son saying these things to him -you are only hurting him. Do not call him again and ever say things like this to him..

I dont' quite see the screw up...
at all..

even though what you said was said in anger it is true...and issue of telling the children that she won't see them because you are stalking them tell them your children that that is beyond untrue...and she is welcome to see you all alone without OM and his children whenever she arranges it so...

also hosea...tell her softly and kindly...that you are doing exactly what you know she would do if the tables were turned...
that if you were exposing the children to some other woman a stranger...that you were playing house with...that you know that she would never allow the children to be around a strange woman...so you are just doing what she would do if the tables were turned....

protecting them from their fear of being replaced...

go to son and tell him the truth...
without blaming her...

save that email with the others that she sent...

ARK

Yes, tell your son as calmly as you can that you were never going to stalk her if she took them but she is taking what you did say totally wrong. Tell him that you had asked her to see them without her boyfriend and she had agreed and not done as she agreed and you are trying to find a way to communicate openly and honestly with her so that you can be co-parents. Tell him you are doing your best to brainstorm a good co-parenting relationship with mom. Then tell him you love him very much.

{{{Hosea}}} <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Hang in there, you are doing well my friend. Give your son a big hug and talk the truth to him.

Well the kids came back home an hour & 15 minutes early. I asked them why so soon? they said they were tired, so I said ok just relax a bit then.

It wasn't even 5 minutes when they were no longer "tired" and wanted to do something!?!?!?

I'm guessing that they didn't have a good time with mom, but I didn't push it. Later when DD & I are taking the dog for a walk she tells me that WW told them today "there is a 99% chance that you guys are going to lose the house, because your dad wanted to get a lawyer and go this route. Now a judge is going to make him sell the house and split the money." OH MY GOD, HOW CAN SHE BE SO CRUEL?

One good thing though: She actually asked the kids if they wanted OM & his kids to go to the mall with them. My kids said they didn't mind his kids, but didn't want OM to come! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> WW told them that wouldn't work "cause they do things as a family" to which DS replied "I wish we did that" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He's sharp that son of mine, can spot B*S* a mile away!!

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 07:09 AM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>

Sent her an email asking her to not talk to kids about our divorce and reminding her that if the roles were reversed, She would do everything she could think of to keep the kids away from a strange woman. (TY ark^^)

Just a rant, to keep my sanity, comments are welcome.

Hosea

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 09:28 AM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>

hosea...

time to be 100000% upfront with the children...

fact..
you do not WANT a divorce...

fact..
It is your wive's actions that all point to someone WANTING a divorce.
1. moving out
2. moving in a strange man
3. moving in a strange man's children

fact
you do not want your children to be forced into a step situation that is a lie..
she is still married to you...and that still makes your fifty percent responsible legally and financially for her....and you must protect them and even her from herself right now...

fact.
though your wife doesn't like your actions they are done in hopes of saving the marriage...
and protecting them....

fact..
even if someone (mom) wants a divorce..there is a right way to do it...
which is discussing the issues with the family and working together for the best situation for the family...mom right now is doing nothing for the betterment of the family...

tell them all
lay it all on the table......

keep the disrepectful judgements out of the conversations with your wife....
to the best of your ability....

tell them you are doing all actions for their safety..

that you love your wife even though her actions aren't loving right now..

be strong in not making them your sounding board...(not that you are)

tell them you will not lie to them....

ARK