FWH goes back to work tomorrow for the first time in 8 weeks (he's been on paternity leave). We have been spending all our time together and having a good time and reconnecting. BUT we continue to ignore all of our problems and not discuss them, not even once. I don't know why I am so afraid to talk to him about the important things. I guess a part of me is afraid that he'll say he made a mistake coming home and he wants to leave, although he has not given me any indication that he is thinking that way. I am so miserable thinking about him being at work tomorrow where OW still works.

At this point it's my own fault for not bringing anything up. How can he know I'm upset if I don't tell him. What is wrong with me? He seems content to just wash everything under the bridge and pretend that nothing ever happened. I want to talk to him, I need to talk to him. But the timing never seems to be right, especially with a screaming newborn in the house.

NO advice here, but just best wishes. Can I ask you a question? How is it that you have been living in the same house together and you have not even brought up "issues" in all of that time. Now, I know that the word "conflict avoider" is thrown around here a lot, but you have to some how find a way to address him and your "issues". Perhaps you are just too afraid to hear "the truth", but wouldn't "knowing" and being "proactive" ease your mind a little? Perhaps not, I am just wondering.

There was a time when I was a surgical resident and I was stuck with a HIV infected needle. The fear and turmoil that gripped me was unreal. I "avoided" facing an HIV test for 2 weeks. Those were the absolute worst 2 weeks of my life. I was too afarid to face the fact that I might be HIV positive and the only solace that I had was that as long as I didn't get tested there was still the hope that my test would be negative. The day that I got tested, I felt like I gainedb back some control over my life ....and even then, felt a tad better. My test came back negative in the end (Thank God), but avoiding the conflict I had to face was so much worse than just getting the test and results. I don't know why I just told you that story. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Congrats on the new baby. Sleeping through the night yet ?

LM

<small>[ January 30, 2005, 10:09 PM: Message edited by: lemonman ]</small>

So sorry you are going thru this all. There are a lot of hurt people here on the board who know how you feel.
You WH first of all isnt much of a man. You just had a child born?? and he has admitted to a PA? What is wrong with him? Has he lost all sense of right/wrong? This is something I just can't comprehend. Why these WS's do this. Ive read similar situations over & over on this board. It just makes me sad for the shape this world is in.

Do you really want someone back who could do this?
If it can happen once...it can happen again. I believe in forgiving...but if they can't see it...then it will never be over. I know...Ive been there too.

Hi kloe honey ((((((((((hug))))))))))) Newborn babies are the sweetest of tyrants...but new mothers quickly learn that timing is everything and free time is next to impossible. You can't find time....you must make it. Most of us don't "plan to fail, but many of us fail to plan". Arrange to get childcare sometime in the next two days. Tell H you have arranged some time to be alone and then pick a quiet place where you can ask the things you need to.

Kloe, please consider writing to him in an email. Call a MC, and set up an appointment for both of you. Let a professional guide you both through the process of 1)clearing the A, and 2)learning to communicate effectively.

Kloe, I have told you this before, and I'll say it again . . . the fear of NOT knowing (where you are now) is WAAAAYYYY worse than just hearing the TRUTH. You are smart, brave, beautiful, competent, and I believe you will be pleasantly surprised with the way you feel when you just jump in and find the truth.

Have some faith, sweetie. Not even screaming babies can keep men around if they don't want to be there, IMVHO.

Spidey

Starfish - We have a baby sitter when ever we want one. My Mom gets upset if she doesn't get to see the baby at least twice a day. I know I need to do this. That's why I haven't been posting much. What more is there to say? I know what needs to be done, I just haven't been able to do it.

Lemonman - I know, I know. How did we go this long? I guess I have been able to ignore our problems while we were together all the time. I know he wasn't in contact with her. He turned off his blackberry and if his phone rang and he didn't know the number he wouldn't answer. When he was on the phone he would always tell me who it was. You're analogy is perfect. I know the not knowing is worse, but for some reason that doesn't seem to push me to do what I need to do.

The babies not sleeping through the night yet, but she has gone 7 hours during the night without having to eat for the last few days, so hopefully that's a step in the right direction. She is actually upstairs sleeping right now (in the bouncy seat which is in the bassinet), this is the earliest she has gone to sleep so far. We'll see how long it lasts.

I have to admit.....knowing the TRUTH doesnt hurt as much as what your mind can make up when it doesnt have it. IF someone really wants to save their M.....find the truth. You deserve no less. If, if..he can't give you that (truth), then maybe you should reconsider being with him. A MC cannot make him tell the truth, neither can you...only he can. He has to 'see the light' so to speak & realize what path he wants. Hopefully for you & your child, he will make the right decision.

Spidey - Thanks for the advice. I was actually thinking about an e-mail. That is how he communicated most at the beginning of this mess. It didn't make sense to e-mail him while he was sitting right next to me, but now that he'll be gone all day maybe that would work.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It didn't make sense to e-mail him while he was sitting right next to me </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know, Kloe. If that is how you have to start the whole process!

I say, send him an email, telling him how you feel like you would like to learn how to communicate with him, so you don't feel you need to email him when he is sitting right next to you. That you want to make an appointment with a MC to help you learn to communicate. Ask him if he would prefer you to make an appointment with a man or a woman, and if he has any preferences at all in whom you call.

Love you, girlie. Can you believe I will be there in 3 months??? I can't wait to meet you and Tina.

Spidey

Been thinking of you Kloe.

Here's my lame comparison: I've gone through several stretches of inaction w/r/t packing up my WW's things. Every time I've gotten it together to pack some stuff, I've felt a little relief.

Recently I went a good long time putting the last of it off. Avoided it, avoided it. Sat on the floor many nights listening to music or playing my guitar, thinking I have to get it together and get rid of that stuff, but not doing it.

Tonight I'm finishing the last of it. I'm not going to bed until it's done or I run out of boxes. It hurts, and it sucks. But I'm going to sleep tonight with it done.

GC