Usually I don't post this late at night or maybe by now its early morning.

I couldn't sleep and before I knew it I started breaking down crying. One of those breakdown crying where you can't stop.

I've been good lately, maybe I shed a tear or two or I have my moments of sadness. I thought I was getting stronger and then I breakdown tonight.

Maybe I'm breaking because its going to be my WH birthday in a few days or maybe everywhere I go everyone is promoting Valentine's Day!!

Maybe I'm overanalyzing things. Sometimes your body needs a good cry to relieve the stress.

I miss him so much, sometimes I wish I could make my feelings for him disappear like he has done with his feelings for me. It would make things alot easier, but I still love him very much.

HD2

I am sorry to see you feeling so down <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

A phrase I heard from pep strikes me in yur situation. "love is a choice". I asked why I still loved my Squiddy when she was a spiteful, spitting thing being hateful to me and my kids.

Pep said " because you choose to. Its why any of us work on our M after an affair".

Are you choosing to love your WXH ?
Is it time to choose NOT to love him ?

You deserve to be somebody's everything. That won't happen while you pine for WXH.

All blessings HD, I can imagine how cr@p you feel.

Mondays stink. Go ahead and cry. I think we all have days when we just breakdown. Personally, I feel pretty down today too.

Yes I choose to love him, but I did not choose for him to leave. I did chose on how I would handle this situation. Yes I have my moments but I decided not to be bitter or angry (sometimes that hard to control) but they would have control of my feelings and I would only be hurting myself.

I never thought this wonderful man I married would have done something so hurtful to me. He cherished me, I could see the adoration in his eyes. I was shocked he had the affiar but wasn't shock who he had the A with. Always had a bad feeling about her.

He ran away with the OW. The OW knew if he had stayed there was a good chance of us getting back together. This way she is in control of him.

This week on his birthday will be eleven months since he has left. I didn't die, but loneliness sometimes is a killer.

I just want my life back, but it looks like it won't happen. It saddens me because I didn't have a choice. They ran like cowards, couldn't face the music. I had no idea when I started to expose that they were thousands of mile away unaware and not effected by the exposure.

I'm feeling better know, trying to get ready for work.