H and I had a long talk about a week ago about what we were both needing and not getting out of our Marriage. Of what we needed more out of each other and etc. The conversation was more one sided (mine) and H seemed to listen. Now here we sit and he seems to be actually trying to meet my needs and be more respectful. As happy as I am with some of his steps I am very worried to let my guard down. I am afraid we are just in our cycle where he treats me good so I do not leave- and only long enough so I won't up and leave him when he switches back.

Is this horrible to second guess my H so much? It is just from my past experiences he will be good for a few days and then he is back to his old ways. I just do not want to get hurt again.

Thing is I was so very close to just being DONE- I had had it with his moods and temper and disrespectful way he treated me that I knew there had to be more out there. There had to be a better way to live your life. Then WHAM- in walks the man I feel in love with agan. The sweet man who rents a movie and wants to snuggle- a man who takes the whole family out bowling instead of inviting a friend and ditching us, a man who spends an hour putting country music on my MP3 player (he hates the stuff and I had been asking him for weeks now to do it) a man who puts love notes in my lunch and so on. I am scared when I should be elated.. any advice?

Oh God

And i thought going to Plan B was hard

It just keeps on getting better.

Watch his actions not his words that all i know

I dont have any answers just hugs.

Be safe

Be strong.

KMEJ Dyinghere is right. My wife always said the right thin but here actions gave her away. It also helped I knew him and they never could keep the story straight. There actions always gave away the lie. I sure hope it is for good this time. Wishing you the best.

kmej...

look for opportunities to really reinforce the good things he does in trying to meet your needs...

for example if a need is help with the kids...and he makes an extra effort to get them in bed..
or read a story..or WHATEVER....

thank him..

thank him later when it's just the two of you..tell him how much you appreciate that he did ____________-- or --_______________.

make sure you do something here and there for him...as well....

that his doing...also equals some be-getting...

i'm glad to hear this..you need some respite and serenity...

ARK

Thanks for the encouragement and advice. I will make a bigger effort to thank him for his efforts. He is trying I can see that- he actually kissed me the other day- a real kiss- that is the first time he has in well over a year (sad I know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ).

I am rather sad as well however because he has only said he loved me once in the last several months- and when he did it sounded so pained and forced that it almost hurt him to say it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .

Anyway I will do my best to continue to encourage this behavior- and hopefully I will not get the normal spiral down....

It may be only one kiss but it has to start somewhere. Maybe a 2X4 over his head wount be needed after all. Crossing my fingers for you.

Thanks RHMike. I will keep my fingers crossed too. However I am a realist and know that the likeyhood is not all that great.

However there is always a first time for everything and maybe this is the first time H won't go back in the cycle. Here is to hoping.

KEMJ my heart goes out to you. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Thanks again RHMike- I am a grown woman and I am the one who continues to leave myself in this mess. I just see the good in this man. I know it is in there- I just wish he would let it show more often.

Thanks again RHMike- I am a grown woman and I am the one who continues to leave myself in this mess. I just see the good in this man. I know it is in there- I just wish he would let it show more often.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 04:38 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]</small>

No problem I'm a grown man that has seen combat and my wife brings me to my need in tears. Love is awfull powerfull.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> Thanks RHMike. I will keep my fingers crossed too. However I am a realist and know that the likeyhood is not all that great.

However there is always a first time for everything and maybe this is the first time H won't go back in the cycle. Here is to hoping. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">KMEJ.........good luck with this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

KMEG,

Be wise as a snake and as innocent as a dove.

Sounds like you are nearer the atmosphere you need with WS for a good plan A, as you have been trying so hard for. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I agree that you need to say thank you to your H for doing the right thing.

Hope you heard what H had to say, and are trying to understand what he needs to have a calm, loving environment.

Have you told him what you need to have a calm, loving environment?

Good that he listened.

God Bless you hon! (((hugs)))) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ February 01, 2005, 12:11 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

((HUGS)) This (from my experience) is completely normal!!!

After last A, when WH started coming around, I started feeling... worse! Yes, worse! It was like I had been holding it all together for so long and keeping it all up for everyone, and when he took some initiative I could let go some, and that depressed the he^^ outta me!

When I had time to let go some I felt all the pain, the fear, the anger, the betrayal. He had done so well in convincing me it was over, that there was no hope... I started to believe him, and switching gears is emotionally taxing at best! We are human, just not built that way... it's hard.

Plus, if you are anything like me, you may feel that your own feelings cannot be trusted. I mean, I trusted this man 110%, no doubts, no qualms. The very day he told me about his first A I had been bragging to friends about how well everything was going... how proud I was of him in building his business, etc... I was truly without a clue! That sense of not being able to trust myself, to not believe my own feelings... that was almost harder to get over... I hated that he made me feel like I was such a fool!

Enjoy it, try not to over-think it (I am so bad about this!!) but proceed with your eyes wide open.

My eyes are open- however I have found my heart half closed. Half cold. I just do not want to get hurt again. I am growing very tired of walking on eggshells to keep H happy. I am growing tired of the double standards. I guess I am simply growing tired of this whole mess.

yup, me too, but this comes and goes as well.

hang in there, over time you will know what is real and what is not... you will also come to realize what you are looking for (with or without him)