God, It's been awhile since I've posted. So many new names, so many new situations.
Hello to all the 'oldies' who helped me a few yrs ago.
A Little Backround....
FOW b-day is next Monday, that is basically when My H and OW spoke of their feelings for each other. In 2002 3 years ago then EA started
This March will be 3 years since the "I love you but I'm not in love w/you" speech
This coming May will be 3 years since d-day, 2 years since she last contacted us.
This June will be 2 years that my H confronted her H and let the whole story of the A out.

Why then, can't I get over knowing he told her he loved her? Is it because I saw it with my own eyes typed in an email to her? Why do I still keep seeing it over and over. Lately the thought is absolutely over powering me.
After d-day he worked w/her for almost 9 more months. When I couldnt take it anymore, he quit his job. There was NC for almost 1 year, then she contacted us about someone else threatening to tell her H. She CALLED US TO ASK IF SHE SHOULD CONFESS. It was a not so nice convo between her and I, and then a not so nice convo between her and my H, then my H and her H, then her H and I.
It has been 4 months shy of 2 years of absolute NC. My H and I have a better marriage now than ever. Better than I could ever ask for. He has told my the 'whys, hows, and whens' of his A. He has done everything and more to prove his love for me. I have the M that I have always dreamed of. (except I would love to push a button and delete 2002, lol) for the first time in our whole marriage, we are one. We were always totally independant of each other, now its totaly opposite. We share hobbies on the weekends and weeknights are mostly cuddling, snuggling and watching movies before bed. I Love Him.
I need to get the exchanged 'I love you's' out of my head.
Any Suggestions???????

Hello S&I. I am pretty new here.

I don't have a lot of faith in my ability to give advice yet, so tell me to butt out if you feel like it, I won't be offended.

You are not alone in still being hung up on that. Heck, how could you not be, circumstances being what they are? It is not a deficiency in you, is my point.

I have been advised that time in a GOOD M helps more than anything, with counseling being a really good option as well.

Time is free, and time in a loving and supportive M is priceless.

IC or MC might be faster and more helpful, if for no other reason than to give you a different viewpoint, maybe even new ways to think about old wounds. OF course, wiser heads than mine on this very board might be able to offer that as well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

All the best,and congratulations on how far you have come already!

-OAK

S&I, I am facing up to the fact that at the time she said it my Squid ( FWW) really did think she loved OM.

I hate it, it pains me but its a fact. I pray for a day when Squid says to me " I realise NOW that it wasn't love it was fantasy, or infatuation" or something. But I can never ever delete the fact that she told OM that she loved him and didn't love me.

I hope for the day when my marriage is like your recovery seems to be !

But S&I, I think you have to realise that the past acnnot be undone. Tha fact that your H chose to abandon his affair and work (successfully!) on your marriage with you says that he loves YOU more than he ever did HER whatever you may think.


I am trying to take my own advice, but we're only six months into recovery.

All blessings and congratulations on your recovery !!!!!! Always great to read such !

Hey S&I,

Don't know if you remember me, I used to be Rebuilding In Faith, but changed my screen name to RIF 'cause it was shorter! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The next time you have a thought of "My H told the OW that he loved her"... Tell yourself something along the lines of "Yes, he did tell her that he loved her... but he loves me now, and I forgive him right now for this pain that I'm feeling."

For me, forgiveness was a process. Every time that I had a thought of my W with one of her OM, I would recognize the fact, then I would make a conscious decision to forgive her for the pain that she caused me. After a while, the thoughts became fewer and fewer and the time between them grew longer and longer.

Another thing you can do is ask your H to help you when you have these thoughts... share your feelings with him and ask him to help you deal with these triggers...

Try this out the next time this thought pops up...

Semper Fi,
RIF

OAK, We did MC for 1 year after d-day. Honestly, I was the one who didnt like it. The C was a great person, but, well,,, I just didnt like it. Someone can tell you HOW to do things, but no one can tell you how to FEEL about things. *this is not a blast against MC, I probably wouldnt be this far along in my M if I never would have attened MC* and you're right, love and time are priceless in a marriage. Thanks for the congrats, and God Bless you on your journey.

b0b, you hit the nail right on the head. The past cannot be undone. I tell myself that all the time. I heard 3 yrs ago that he loved her and she was a great person. He never had anything bad to say about her except the time she called us at home about the confession. Even then, all he did was call her a fat*ss. (which felt great <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> lol) I guess him calling her H should be confirmation enough that he doesnt want her. Thank you b0b for giving me something to think about.

RIF, I sure do remember you. You had given me some great words when I really needed them. Thanks again. Like I have already mentioned, H telling her H should have proved something to me already. Believe me, he has proven himself over and over to me. I can forgive the A, I have trouble w/him telling her he loved her. We have been together since we were young. We were each others first Real love, it just sometimes seems like that is lost now. I'd rather not bring this up to H. He helps me w/so many triggers (which happen a heck of alot less often than they used too) and I dont even have to mention it to him. He just snuggles, or kisses me, hold my hand, or tells me I'm pretty etc. OK I'm rambling lol

I do have alot to be thankful for. We both have good jobs, our own home, and we DO love each other. My marriage is intact, and hes the person he used to be, and better. Time to get over my own pity party huh? easier said than done. lol

Thanks everyone for your kind words, and for listening to me vent <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />