Whack Whack...40 lashes for apologizing.

Good Grief...you know these boards stir up drama ..and you know better than most when to ignore.

You're in a rather delicate imbalance right now..until you get your footing again... and I'm sure you WILL... the last thing you need to do is worry about what other people think. Especially anyone that hasn't had the opporunity to really see what you're about.

I hope you're getting more grounded right now.. at least a bite to eat... a little sleep.. a SHOWER... God it's so hard to forget those DDAY horrors.

Hugs to you. Hang in there sweetie.

Cerri:

You were very kind to me when I 1st came to the board and answered many of my questions. I was puzzled because I thought I was a darn good husband and still my wife had an affair. I certainly felt like a failure, but now I realize the affair has nothing to do with me or who I am as a person. I strongly believe my marriage was an 8-9/10. However, the A would have developed even if it had been a 10/10 marriage. See the thread about affairs in good marriages.

There are many variables outside our control. In my case my wife is a magnificent woman who has overcome great adversity to be a great human being, mother, and wife. But neither her nor I can change the fact that she grew up in a not so nice household with a lot of exposure to adultery. It is quite hard to alter the scars from childhood. In fact I give her credit (and to myself too) for having had a near perfect marriage for nearly 30 years.

I now see myself as the rescuer of my wife who once again is in trouble. I am simply doing what I did more than 30 years ago. It is not about failure in the marriage. In fact I would only consider myself a failure if I let her go.

What I want to say is that this is not about you failing or not doing the job. This does not alter your integrity as a person and hopefully should not lower your self-esteem.

You helped me tremendously at a time when I was lost and I am grateful forever. It may not seem like much, but you answered several questions that made me see the light. I even asked my wife to counsel with you over the phone and emailed her some of your responses. This was at a time when my wife was very foggy and refused to read anything about MB. In the end my wife also benefited from your wisdom.

I hope you find the courage to make the right decision for you! Easier said than done.

Hi Cerri!!

There are few people who are big enough to apologize for outbursts, yet so many who should. I am just sorry that there were so many people here who did not give you the consideration you needed at such a difficult time.

By the way, you are such a cute little abomination.

IsIt2Late, you're so right. About how few people apologize for outbursts, that is, and how good it is when they do.

Oh, and you're right about P being cute, too. The abomination part? Uh, is that like the cute abominable snowman from that Christmas special?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I apologize for being arrogant enough to think it couldn't happen to me. And I apologize for being a poo poo head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hell, that statement encompasses all of us or we probably wouldn't be here.

No apologies necessary...

Doug

Cerri, I've not posted to you before, I don't think - but I read many of your posts to other people. I respect your opinion very much, of course, and hope you won't be too down on yourself - apology not necessary. You need to be able to vent on here, too. I'm terribly sorry that some people were disrespectful in their posts to you. That is one of the biggest weaknesses I see on this board. People trying to vent and/or get help for a very real (to them) situation, and they get bashed on here. Not nice, Not nice. So I hereby apologize for those people who were rude or disrespectful in your time of hurt and need, and I apologize on their behalf. Maybe someday they will figure out that being kind is often more important than being right. (Actually I hope my WH figures that out, too!!LOL!!)

Miss Priss:

Now.....about your religious beliefs. I think I read somewhere that you are Wiccan?

Yes I am. I'm a second degree initiate in an eclectic tradition.

Our oldest daughter is HEAVY into studying it.
I don't mind at all as I believe that EVERYONE has a right to ANY religion they decide on.......but admit to being a little on the stupid side about it.

Think you could point me in the right direction so that I might find out more about it?

Absolutely. How old is your daughter? My concern with younguns is that they think Wicca is what they see on tv or what they read in the how-to-be-a-witch-and-do-spellwork books. Wicca is first and foremost a religion of worship something you would never know from the popular press!

Here are a couple of resources and my favorite books:

Our Circle training materials and required reading list edjted to add - click on the "Training" link on the left. Apparently I can't link to sub pages.

Witchvox probably one of the best known and respected Wicca info sites.

My Favorite Books -
Book of Shadows by Phyllis Curot

Witchcrafting (about ethics one of my very favorites) also by Curot

Wiccan Mysteries - by Raven Grimassi

The Witches' Bible - by Stewart and Janet Farrar is good but probably more advanced and not so easy to read as the others

What's Your Wicca IQ - this is like a book of multiple choice questions with the answers and other tidbits. We made a game out of it - similar to trivia pursuit.

Edited to add.......strange things happen around our oldest daughter. She always knows what somebody is thinking....which gets very creepy at times, and there has been this one thing that's been happening lately, but I would rather not get into that on this board.

Feel free to email me if you like. Address in the sig line.

C

<small>[ February 01, 2005, 01:17 PM: Message edited by: cerri ]</small>

BIJ:
Whack Whack...40 lashes for apologizing.

Oh nooooooo........ I'm going to be in hot water now for this too? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

the last thing you need to do is worry about what other people think.

I was more concerned about what I thought when I looked in the mirror..... well aside from the pale, washed out, drained, gaunt, sleep deprived, sort of look I'm affecting these days.

C

((((Cerri - Penny))))

I'm so sorry to hear of this.

Since you are a coach there's really nothing I'm qualified to say other than to maybe take K's advice and not do anything in haste right now.

Just take care of yourself.

All the best!

-HD

Hi Cerri,

As everone has already wrote, no apologies necessary. All of us have been through it, we know how you're feeling and we love you for being there for us when we needed you.

Please take good care.

Lv,
Jo

My dear Cerri,

You took a direct and hard hit with the d/d again. Yet you are bouncing back with greater vigor and vim.

Your H (WS) isn't going to be able to walk the same anymore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Hope he does learn to stand up straight and improve himself.

Our thoughts now are for you and your family to heal. You know best how that s/b handled. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> No doubt about it.

The mom in me wants to encourage you to get your rest and eat a bit. I know it w/b hard but you need it to survive.

Let us know how we can help. We are supporters and each have their own unique way of giving that support. Even us little guys, want to lend a hand. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

BTW, the apology wasn't needed but I understand why you gave it. No grudges against you that I can see. Just a bunch of us who are furious that someone would hurt you so. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Arrrgh... Maybe in our urgency to want to make it better for you, we slipped a bit. For that I apologize.

Like I asked to be my supporters, when I shared my story with them, I asked they respect my decisions and I would willingly hear their thoughts, suggestions and concerns. I do respect your decisions.

For you and your family: {{{{mg hugz}}}

Aloha,
L.

I didn't get a chance to offer my support before the last thread was locked.

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this again, Penny. You're so good at taking lifes lemons and making lemonaide - but darnit, what the heck do you make when life hands you piles of dog doo?? I know somehow you'll work you're magic and make lemonaide again (although I think I'll have the tea, thank you very much <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

If there is ANYTHING I can do - just let me know anytime. (We've got some pretty big fields where you could bury the....uh...nevermind, we can talk about that later <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

((((PENNY))))

Penny,

With what you have been through both physically and emotionally I am amazed that you handled everything as well as you did.

You, with grace and class are taking responsibility for your actions, but to those of us who love you so much - no apology is needed as others have said.

To be honest, what was so horrifying to me was the assault you faced from some of the posters here. It was appalling and once again I fail to understand how it is within human nature for some to kick fellow human beings when they are already hurting, when they're downed. I will never understand this.

And even worse, I hate to say - it seems to be women who are the most brutal, especially to other women. I wish someone could explain this phenomenon to me. So, on their behalf I ask for your forgiveness.

Sounds like you've picked yourself up and are dusting off. I so admire your courage and willingness to share this horrific experience. Clearly you have given all of us much to think about.


I've been sending positive energy and thoughts your way. Let us know how you're doing! CSue

Dear Penny,
I read P's whole thousands of posts thread. I never thought this would come back again. After all you had been through, I hoped it would keep getting better.

You are still in my prayers - the best possible outcome.

There is no way I can really understand how you feel, or what you are thinking, but I care, and want you to know.

I care about you.

SS

You will all be happy to note (since my diet seems to be a source of concern) that I ate salmon loaf, pieces of salmon, crackers, and some veggies. About a bite of each but it's stayed where it should. That's progress.

I attended an Imbolc Ritual tonight that was patterned on a 60's peace rally. A little campy with minimal energy but a good distraction and lots of happy chit chat.

I spent a couple of hours talking to my High Priestess and Priest afterwards and feel somewhat comforted and whole lot loved. (It was very good to have physical hugs as well as the cyber ones.)

I'm not good, but I'm not where I was a couple of days ago either. I guess that's progress too.

Much love to all of you,

C