I had this dream of my WH with the 2nd OW and they were having sex. I started to cry and the pain came up from inside so hard. It was all consuming and woke me up. I felt like I was dying -I made myself stop thinking about it. I stuffed the pain. I know it will come out again. It was so overwhelming -my H felt me move and woke right up. I think I had yelled omg or something. It was huge...I did not want to wake him -it is something I want to face alone. Has anyone had this happen to them and what did you do? I have become so private over these last two years that I do not show anyone how I really feel especially my H. I think that was caused by his verbal abuse during his A. He would give me comfort now but I just don't feel like I want to do this in front of anyone. I know when it comes it will be horrible. I can't describe how bad and overwhelming this was. I have not really cried since I found out everything and MC told me it would come and it would be hard.

Realtor: Don't worry about the tears. Don't force them. They'll come when you least expect it or maybe when you're ready. We never know.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Has anyone had this happen to them and what did you do? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can't say that I have. One thing that I did run into after dday, was that anytime the W stirred in bed it woke me up. Usually, I am a heavy sleeper and it turned me into a light sleeper. Since then, my sleep patterns have returned more to what they were, but occassionally I still wake up.

As your H begins to build trust with you, lean on him if you're able. If not, then give your trust to your God and ask for his help. I always believe it is good to have someone to lean on and I've been lucky that my W has been coming through for me.

Blessing,
RH

Last night I told my H part of the dream and it just would be nice if he asked me questions about it. I feel I would open up to him more yet he seems to avoid any lengthy talks. I am looking for the closeness and interest in me from him and feel I am not getting it. He will talk about some things like a movie I watched yet not about how I am feeling. I feel if he showed an interest in how I really feel I would love to sit and talk if he was really interested.

realtor...
I know how you feel. I'm also very private and don't like people to see me cty or be vulnerable. I do find myself putting on a front to my friends sometimes....even though I feel like breaking down and crying my eyes out.
I'm trying to stop doing that....it's very hard!
I usually come home after going out with my friends and cry, cry, cry! It does help to get it all out. I find that after I get it all out I feel stronger....I also have a major headache. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Hang in there!

Realtor: Have you read the book 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? I think this would help you and also to possibly understand your H. I think there is a website. Check it out and see if you think it might help you. Good luck!

Suppressing your feeling is not healthy for you. It isn't helping your H heal either.

When you have those dreams, don't hold back. Cry, scream if you need. Your subconscience is trying to release the pressure you are building up. The more you suppress the deeper it goes and then.....you don't want to know what can happen then. It isn't healthy.

Put your issues out in the open. Learn to do that. If you need help, get counseling. If your MC/IC can't help you, call Steve.

Your H sounds like a conflict avoider. That's his issue but should not be your block from healing. Giving him your issues is not bad. It is part of the healing process. U both can come out the better for it.

Talk to your MC/IC or Steve. Steve is highly recommended. He is good with these kinds of situations.

L.

Orchid - I have talked to my MC about this he has assured me it will happen and when it does it will be huge. My H is a conflict avoider -he feels that now that he knows he has doen wrong, apoligized and feels terrible that we should just move on. He also realizes that I can not yet. He gets impatient at times but has really been good about it. Last night when he said I take total blame -you have always been there for me and treated me so well. I am so sorry and I can see it in his eyes- yet he has not called the MC -I feel this is something he needs to do. I do not want to do everything for him. I am doing so much for FIL I am burnt out. The FIL has been trying to get charge cards ect, changing his addresses with P>O. and getting his mail ect. I keep having to redo everything. With my job and my H's I am the only one who has time for this day time activity. Oh Joy..I will also look for the web site and ck it out. Thanks for all the advice. The dream scared me so much as it was like death was going to take me and I panicked when it cam up near my face.Ugh..scary.

Hi realtor,

I agree with orchid.Don't bottle your feelings up.Let them come when they come,on their schedule.It's the best way to release it,when your body says so.

I have had some terrible nightmares when I was with my WH for our second false recovery.Talk about waking up with a jolt and sweating profusely.One time I woke up screaming in a panic and instead of comforting me he acted like "What is wrong with you?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

The first few times this happened my WH was concerned but then it was like it was too much for him to cope with and he pulled away instead of helping me.That was just part of us losing any recovery anyway.He just didn't want to deal with any of it on a close level.Still doesn't.

In the end though,I felt that my WH couldn't be trusted with any of my feelings so I too wanted to deal with it alone.If he was going to react like an a** then I didn't want his help.My feelings are precious to me and even now,I do not trust him with them which is why I refuse to talk to him and be "friends" like he wants.He will just make me feel bad.

Anyway,for you,continue to be open and honest with how you feel.Your WH has to know how this is affecting you and not sweep it under the rug.That is not going to help.

O

Since D-Day, I've done A LOT of reading as well as seeing my IC regularly. My IC is fond of Dr. Gray's Mars/Venus series of book & tapes. Dr. Gray states that everything in our lives that we do not deal with will keep popping up in our lives in order to seek resolution. Even after we think we've resolved things, they will keep popping up. Each time, we will handle them easier. Issues may never completely "go away", but eventually we find that they don't devastate us like they used to. So, in my unprofessional opinion, you gotta deal with it. Speak to your IC and/or MC. You may want to look into some of Dr. Gray's books too. (I prefer the videos.)

L&A

I have found the honesty is the best policy and have lived my life that way. I have been different so different since finding out about the A. I have withdrawn emotionally from everything. I do not run to the door when WH comes home anymore -always did for 19 years. Couldn't wait to see him. Can you imagine 19 yrs of being over joyed when I saw his face at end of day. Now I just smile and he comes to me and kisses me hello. I hadn't realized this until now. I used to sing love songs and dream of him and thought they wounded just like US. Now I shut them off. Doesn't Babara Streistands (sp)song Memoires just make you want to cry. He is trying so hard will I be able to again. I am trying. I just can not be make myself yet. I stopped all the extra's I did for him and he in turn is doing for me. Like holding my hand, kssing me in public, rubbing my back, telling me how beautiful I am, how sexy I look, he loves my lips, ect. We are having great sex again. I just need talk more talk and I want him to talk about what he is feeling. If he is in pain I want to know -we can discuss how we both are in pain. I can see it in his eyes. I want to know if he is missing either of these women. I want to know what he does to avoid them. I want to know how sh$tty he feels for what he has done - I want to know what he FEELS period. I guess I need to be patient.