back in august I confront wife with evidence of the affair she is having with two men, she deny that they had any sexual affair but admitts that she was only having phone sex and their just words. I know for a fact and the recordings prove that they had sex with both men ...
She swore that she will not see or talk to them again... she has been close to me and she hugs and kisses me, sex wise has increased but not the way she has been as per the recordings....

last week I found out she has been in contact with these two men and I just fell apart...
She new something was up but I did not have the concrete evidence yet, but enough to know she is still in contact....I dont know if it is physical...
We argued and i asked her if she loved me and she said " yes , I do love you " but I said i cant be second or third best, she said to file for divorce but she wants me to file and wants full custody....I wont file and I wont except to give her full custody......

The other men dont know about each other and one of the men is seperating from his wife expecting my wife to leave me and go with him....
What is she going to do with the otherman 2????
I have offered her to file for divorce if she wants out but she wont???? I just dont get it, is she selfish and wants it all or is she scared of something...she should be becaise I wont sit down for this if she wants out and run off with the other men....

I am real confused to what to do but I feel she does not want to divorce me or she would have all ready....

Love to hear your thought..
Thanks.

Might be time to expose the affairs to the other men and the other wife. Have you done that?

Deepinpain -- I don't know why no one has replied to your post. I am so sorry this is happening to you. For what it's worth, I can give you a little comfort and maybe some advice....

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We argued and i asked her if she loved me and she said " yes , I do love you " but I said i cant be second or third best, she said to file for divorce but she wants me to file and wants full custody....I wont file and I wont except to give her full custody......</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't understand your last sentence there - are you saying you won't file for divorce unless she gets full custody, or are you saying you DON'T want her to have full custody? Let me just add this: she is not in a position to make demands over who gets custody of the children. If she cared for them, she would be working on her marriage right now. She is not thinking straight - she's in the FOG, and YOU need to be doing the thinking. Even if you are not willing to file for D, you still should keep in mind that your job is to protect your children. Your wife is takig advantage of your insecurity, and having others take care of needs that she feels.

How familiar are you with this website, or Dr Harley's books? I would suggest you read everyting you can on this site - starting with the basics, and then the section on infidelity.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>The other men dont know about each other and one of the men is seperating from his wife expecting my wife to leave me and go with him....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My advice here is probably gonna draw flack, but I wouldn't worry about who is who and which goes where - forget about the OM - they are not as important as your marriage is. Your wife can get rid of them if she wants to.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I am real confused to what to do but I feel she does not want to divorce me or she would have all ready....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Most likely she doesn't want the divorce, because you are providing some ENs that she needs, and the OM are doing the rest. Your job is to take their place - by carefully, subtly, and consistently filling the needs they are giving her. It's up to you to find out what those needs are. In other words, start a Plan A. You will get all the assistance you need here.

One final word of advice: do not enable her affair - can't explain that because I do not know enough about your situation, but I can say that the most important step is to immediately stop ALL LBs and give her the love she needs - even if she does not return it to you. Trust me, it's hard. I'm in the middle of my Plan A right now, and sometimes the pain can be great. But you can do it.

David

I feel your pain, WW was in A with 2 OM before I found out. Be strong and hang on there. Help is comming. I recommend you read this thread

Bob's guide for the newly Broken Hearted

Take care.

Thanks everyone....

I am not sure what to do,i still love her but i cannot live that she keeps lying to me and she knows i have a hard time living with what she has done....
If she just let go those other 2 men and worked on us , i know I can get though this....But she shows so many signs that she is in contact still that it kills me inside...

I put a voice recorder and caught them talking and found a email too of the other man two..
I just cant understand why she is going back in forth with two men and the rist getting all of us affected in desaeses!!!!
I brought out all evidence in August that proved her affair (phone line recordings) and she still denies the affair, she says she knew it was their and they planned an act all week (yeah right!!)and they were just words and i have no photos of proof they had sex...These are words for sure feed to her by the Other two men...

You say dont stop the affair and work on the EN's, that confuses me too because it was said her to expose it to everyone.....
I am setting up recorders and GPS to track their meeting place and get all evidence need to give this a final exposure but I will need a witness with me when the exposure happens because last time she went balistic and she slapped , hit , punched , kicked..... I ended up with bruses and I cant touch her because if she has a mark ,the police will arrest me, great country we live in....

I will read this site information again...

I do love her and my three kids especially my oldest daughter (14) is suffering and i feel she knows something about what her mother is doing....

thank you all...

Hi deepinpain!

I am with you in so much of this - I understand the pain and what you are going thru...

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You say dont stop the affair and work on the EN's, that confuses me too because it was said her to expose it to everyone.....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What I meant was that there is no way for you to stop the affair - that is up to her. Exposing it is something entirerly different - it's possible that bringing it to light will stop it, but there is no guarantee. Made no difference to my WW. And I seriously mean work on her ENs. The reason I am sying that is that no matter what she does, no matter what she says, no matter how much she hurts you, as long as you take care of her, and do the right thing, at the end, whether you save your marriage (my hope for you) or not - you will always have the knowledge that YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. And learning to focus on taking care of another person's ENs will help you in the future - even if it does not include the one you are with, because it makes you a better person, more appreciated, more caring, more desireable.

It's not easy. My WW does not return ANY favors - she is doing all she can to NOT fill any of my ENs, it feels like she is deliberately LBing me (which just may well be the case). In fact, because I'm doing as much as I can to fill her needs and take care of the children, she keeps accusing me of 'thinking I'm self-righteous' - it's bothering her so much that I insist on doing exactly what my family needs. I'm hardly self-righteous, as anyone on these boards knows...But I keep on working on what I know of her ENs - because I know that deep inside, she is noticing. And one day it will pay off - either she will be my partner again, or else she will realize what she walked away from.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am setting up recorders and GPS to track their meeting place and get all evidence need to give this a final exposure but I will need a witness with me when the exposure happens because last time she went balistic and she slapped , hit , punched , kicked..... I ended up with bruses and I cant touch her because if she has a mark ,the police will arrest me, great country we live in....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By all means, have someone there - it will do more than just protect you - she will have to face the facts and she knows you will have someone witnessing every word she says....

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will read this site information again...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Word of advice: buy the book "Surviving An Affair" You will not be disappointed.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do love her and my three kids especially my oldest daughter (14) is suffering and i feel she knows something about what her mother is doing....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You may want to talk to your kids as soon as possible about this - they know. Believe me - they know. My 9 year old knew before I said anything. And if you approach it correctly, you will be proteecting them and letting them know that you are on their side and are there to support and help them.

In deepest care

David

thanks Dave....

I just cant believe this is still be going on....

I was thinking too, to also try to get her EN's too and try to win her back but also still getting the evidence too....
I was planning a nice Valentines day for her and I am not sure what to do, just pretend nothing is going on and be that perfect husband....
It just kills me knowing she is having sex with other men...

thanks.

Last night wife went out saying she went to the gym but found out she went to meet one of the other men.....she came home that night in a piss of mood, this is getting to be worse...

Just needed to vent.