Has anyone here forgiven someone too fast for an affair?

My short story.

After many years of complacency, neglect and laziness my wife left me. She moved back after two weeks after some MC that pointed out she was just as much to blame as I was. We lost a ton of weight, started working out and became closer then we ever were during our whole 10-year marriage. Sex, companionship and communication was all there...almost overboard. We were both very happy...so it seemed. Her guilt got so great that on 12/25/04 she confessed to an affair that she was having prior to her moving out. She said she moved out in order to get away from a bad marriage and the guilt of the affair. While she did have a few cell phone contacts with him, which she was honest about through her cell bills etc, she stopped all physical contact with him before she left me. She has been completely honest about what happened during the affair, even showing me where he lived, the places they went etc.

When my wife left I knew right away how bad our marriage was. I knew fully well my part in it and did everything I could to fix it. So when she told me about the A, it was really past news and just seemed another example of how bad things were. I was also very glad that I did not find out about the A while it was going on, or had to deal with withdrawal and such, since my wife cut off all contact prior to D-Day.

So here I am just over a month since D-Day. My wife and I our insanely close and have deeper conversation and have both fallen in love again. Her friend even called me the other day and told me that my wife said she is very ashamed at what she did to me and that she fell in love with me again, even deeper then when we first got married. Her friend also said she thought it was cool that we got through this without kids or property holding us together...just love.

Every once in awhile I think about the affair, but in all honestly it does not bother me. I know why it happened and feel no threat at all towards this man.

What is worrying me is that it is not bothering me. I mean my wife had a PA with another man. It did bother me for a couple of weeks but quickly faded. I have looked at all scenarios and know that if things hadn’t happened the way they did then there would be other problems, but since it happened this way, it gave me closure and hope for the future of our marriage.

Does this seem right, or will I pop in a year?

You can't forgive too fast. But don't expect recovery to happen fast - you need to work on your marriage together - you should be working with the pros in the recovery threads.

I had an EA, when it was exposed, my wife and I tried to hurry things, had a great relationship for a few months, but we never resolved the cause of the affair, and we are paying dearly for it now....

SO work at your marriage! Constantly.

David

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hemidart:
<strong>

What is worrying me is that it is not bothering me. I mean my wife had a PA with another man. It did bother me for a couple of weeks but quickly faded.
Does this seem right, or will I pop in a year? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It seems to me that your wife has done a super job of reassuring you and rebuilding trust. You understand and accept that she prefers you over the OM, and she has done a good job of showing that.

Another thing to consider is that this might be delayed grief [but I sort of doubt it]. When my son was killed, I was so utterly shocked that I didn't cry! But as the shock wore off after a few months, I experienced deep grief and horror.

In your case, though, I suspect that your W has just done a great job reassuring you and that, coupled with your apparent maturity and self honesty, has enabled you to handle this situation quickly.

yes i did....and i am getting the shaft for it...read idiotsville...named after me...KA...village mechanic

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by knowalibis:
<strong> yes i did....and i am getting the shaft for it...read idiotsville...named after me...KA...village mechanic </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">know - you are loved on MB. I can identify with everything you ever say.

Davidiot

I feel I made it all too easy for WH after his last A... he only had minimal consequences... I was rewarded with a new A and this time it is so much worse than before...

You may be in recovery, or you may be glossing over it all. Did you go to counseling?