This is something that made me think hard about who I am and who I was and the effects of an A on a BS.

I used to be very active in a well known gang here in Los Angeles, and in fact am still officially in it, since I hadn’t been “jumped out”. I am 39 years old and still know many of the members that are my age and who are still alive and I also have many of the younger members who look up to me. I find parts of it funny since I am an IT manager for a large financial company yet have young gang members see me as one of the OG. I have done many things in my life that I am not proud of, from assaults, robberies to drug trafficking. I have no arrest record but have a very large file with the LAPD CRASH unit.

At 23 I woke up, met my wife and quit doing drugs and living the gang life. People at work are surprised when they see old photos of me and my tattoos and hear my stories.

My wife knew the stories, had met my gang family but knew I had changed for the better. But during the last few years of our marriage alcohol started becoming more of a problem and I became more withdrawn and lazy. I was also never a talker and was never a big person for displaying public emotions towards my wife. With her drinking and other problems our marriage spiraled out of control. She had an PA but stopped it before she left me on 9/6/04. After two weeks of separation we got back together and formed a stronger marriage. By D-Day 12/25/04 when the guilt forced her to confess, we were both in love again. Knowing what part I did to open up our marriage to an A, I was able to forgive her without reservations.

Here is the part that WS or OM, OW need to listen to.

If I found out about the A during my depression and drinking the OM might have been severely harmed or worse. I could have easily called in a favor from my old family and had this guy taken out while I was at work...or while I was with my wife and her family etc. I would never have told my wife I had discovered the A...I would of just made him not a factor anymore. I would of acted like nothing happened.

My wife put this man in severe physical danger, which she is now fully aware of. Her friends who knew me and who had met the OM warned him of me, but he blew it off.

People that cheat don’t see all the damage they are doing. If you need to cheat...just leave. There could be way more problems then hurt feelings.

<small>[ February 01, 2005, 06:16 PM: Message edited by: Hemidart ]</small>

How True!

I'm surprised we don't read more of that on this MB board.

Maybe it's because I'm from NYC and expect such activity. If I found out who the OM was, I might have done the same thing. Don't need depression or booze.

<small>[ February 01, 2005, 06:24 PM: Message edited by: RAG ]</small>

I haven't heard of any murders on this board, but off the top of my head I remember two suicides (of the BS), two severe injury cases, one including multiple broken bones (I think it was the WS's bones), and a shooting of the OW in the six years I have been here.

If I have learned nothing else here, I have learned that people who are higher than a kite on the chemicals involved in the "in-love" feeling are beyond stupid - compared to them, the average drug user looks downright rational. If they will desert their own children to be with the OP, I doubt that fear of gang members would stop them.