I have an opportunity to meet the OM from my wives A. Has anyone run into any problems by meeting the other person. I know I can control my anger, but would I be hurting myself emotionally by actually seeing this person. I know if I saw him during the actual A there would have been problems, but now I would be cool with it.

I just have this morbid curiosity to see what he looks like. Plus I have been told that if he ever saw me he might pee his pants...which might have some entertainment value...j/k

If you know it would hurt you to see the OP then why do it??...I know you are curious, but it is unlikely that anything positive will come out of this meeting. This person is not relavant to anything. Move on with your life and don't waste your precious time and energy on the OP. The OP isn't worth it!

HD:

Depends on your motive! I didn't have a choice - he was a friend!

My first thought; if there is a chance of reconciling - don't do it. He's not worth it and why bother. It will be tough emotionally if you do! I understand the curiosity; and the result would be fun; however I'm afraid short-lived. Let us know what you decide.

By the way: I like your name. Do you own one? '68 perhaps? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

FR

Hemidart.

Unless you want to play smash mouth(which while feeling sooooo good, would be verrrrry bad), there would be no rational reason.

Hi HD,

I confronted one OM that I suspected.... of course he lied to my face....

If this OM was willing to sneak around and have an A with your W, why in the world would he even think about being honest with you?

I'd pass on this opportunity... just my $0.02 worth...

Semper Fi,
RIF

I personally think that you should save yourself unneeded emotional pain.

I did some PI work to find out information about my FWW's OM leading to me knowing where he lived. I saw him. Did me no good whatsoever.

I think that because I saw him, it pushed me further away from my wife (I never knew what bad taste my wife had in men...other than me of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) knowing the type of person that my wife chose to have the affair with. It actually sickened me. Still gives me the creeps...

I would not advise doing this, IMHO.

-DKelly

I guess that you alone can answer that. But be honest with yourself, does it really matter or is it that morbid curiosity that makes you look at a train wreck?

I know what WS's OM looked like, as I know the @sshole. It made me sick to know that WS was with that slimey dirtbag. Having said that, I wouldn't have felt good if he looked like Brad Pitt either <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> It's a bit of a no win situation, but a very personal choice.

Important thing to realise is that the OM could have been anyone. The real issue is to address why the A happened in the first place and to do whatever you can to resolve those issues (if that's what you choose).

I do not need to meet OM, but I have a can of mace and a baseball bat in my car just in case I am fortunate enough to.

Just think of what you want to achieve, bearing in mind he could give two sh&ts about you and will lie in your face while smiling.

Don't do it. He's not worth your time or effort. TT

I agree with the why bother posts..

The guy my XW had an EA with and eventually a PA (after our divorce {I have to believe this now that we are honest with each other})used to come over to our house when he was going through his difficult divorce. I did not really like him then and eventually told my W (at the time) I did not want him there any more and it was done...but she worked with him...He was a dork....still is a dork...Here was this beautiful Nicole Kidman look alike with a dork ....was quite short lived.....

The guy she had her PA with while we were married...when I finally got the who, where, etc. from her I searched the net...this was an "older, very wealthy customer" of her company....he was in his mid 40's, she was in early 30's when it happened...HOW PATHETIC!!! I laughed out loud....clearly this was someone who had to make her "feel special"....cause there was no competing with me...other than I wasn't rich....his photos are all over the net in his industry and the news....

However, none of the above helped me in any way. I grew angry about it....how pathetic she was....how ashamed she is....she should be...We hurt in different ways....

she has no problems telling me about the "women of questionable character" I dated when we were divorced, especially the two that lied to me about their marriage status (I WAS OM UNTIL I FOUND OUT THEY LIED!!)....

My response was "what kind of character chases a married woman? You understand that is the character of your other men? It's great you were honest with them and LIED to me. It is one thing I have difficulty dealing with, they KNEW more than I did, they knew you were still sleeping with me...."

Don't do it....you'll gain nothing from it...in fact I just got myself all worked up over it.....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Fishracer+:
<strong> HD:

By the way: I like your name. Do you own one? '68 perhaps? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

FR </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well I wish I had a 68 Hemi Dart....I do own a 68 Dart with a /6 and a 1970 Dart Swinger 340. If I ever find a loose Race Hemi I would love to make a clone of the 68.

I know how you feel wanting to see the OP. I haven't seen the OW but have been told she looks like the thing from the movie "The Grudge". Hmmmmm.....that made me feel good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You have to protect yourself. Personally I don't see what good it will do to see the OP......just give you more nightmares. I think I'm better off not knowing for now. Good luck.

I think it depends on where you are with your marriage.

IMHO - if you are trying to forgive and forget - let it go - don't see OM

If you are finished and ready to separate/divorce it could help you.

In my case, I have seen a couple of the MOW my WH has been with - seeing them pushed me over the edge - I realized that ANY MAN that would prefer this/these women over ME - isn't worth it..From this BB I have found that it's not always about looks but they don't have it in many areas. I have decided that I DESERVE someone who appreciates the care I take of myself, the honest women that I am, and the class that I behold. If my WH wants them GO - after knowing what he's been with - I no longer want him..

So again, where are you with your marriage?, Recover? Divorce?

Remember an affair is not about the otherperson. Its about "unmet" Needs. Focus your time and attention on truely understanding and meeting her unmet needs. A marriage is about two people not three. You and your wife are the only two who exist, all others are just part of the scenery.

God Bless,
StillMe

Well...while I decided after reading the replies to not seek the OM out...but it's going to happen whether I want it to or not.

See...

I know his car and license plate number. Today I was at Circuit City for my work and saw his car in the parking lot. He is an engineering student at a local college. I was driving my wifes car and parked next to his. I got out...looked at the plate and saw engineering books on the front seat. I stood there for a sec and looked around. Then went into CC. I scanned the whole store but didn't see anyone that fit the description of him. Went back outside just as the car was driving off.

I must control my anger...because since I was not ready for a meeting with him, all I saw atm was red. I don't blame him for the A since it was 100% my wifes decision. But a part of me wants to throw him around a bit.

BobPure,


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do not need to meet OM, but I have a can of mace and a baseball bat in my car just in case I am fortunate enough to </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How does a bloke like you know about our national pastime and baseball. I would expect you to want to chase him with a cricket bat <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Cym, Aussie and I had a sentient debate about this a while back that led to Just J 'shaking with fear'.

A cricket bat just isn't as tactile to swing as a baseball bat IMO,and the damage of the Baseball bat would be far greater owing to the smaller contact patch, uless you were expert enough to hit with the edge blade of the Cricket bat then....

... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I don't blame him for the A since it was 100% my wifes decision. But a part of me wants to throw him around a bit.

Hemidart, you take teh words right out of my mouth !

It was Squid to blame for the A, but I want to break OMs legs anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Glad to hear that you aren't going to seek him out. My FWS's OM lives in the same apartment complex as me, so I have reay access to him but chose to stay away as I am not sure that 15 - 20 years for a few minutes of cricket with him is worth it.

BTW B0b pure, the backside of (many) cricket bats is not flat, it's an apex ^, so you can leave a few nice marks when doing any re-modelling work <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
If you did chose to start swinging it though you should probably be playing AC/DC's highway to hell or similar for max effect.

JUST JOKING Hemidart

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 06:30 PM: Message edited by: RenaissanceMan ]</small>

I like a good 3' piece of rebar.