I am struggleing as of late to keep my cool, not only with my Husband but also with my children <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . I find myself yelling at them daily, chewing them out and just being completely short tempered. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror tonight while I was chewing them out and I scare myself with that look I can not imagine what a 8,4,and 2 year old is thinking. Plus the sound of my voice. I am a horrible parent. After I saw myself I put myself in a time out, I told the boys to go clean their room mommy needed a time out- they thought that was funny, but gave me a few minutes in my room to gather myself. Well I came out and with in minutes I felt my frustration grow with them again so I put them to bed and ran my heart out on the tred mill- hopeing that would burn off some of my anger. It only left me wanting to smash my head into the wall more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
It is not my kids fault. Granted they do not listen to me but that is my job to find a way to get them to listen and obviously yelling at them does not work. However that is the first thing I go too.

I am taking my frustrations out on my kids, what kind of a parent does that??? Apparently I do. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I thought things were going better with H and I , and in a way they are. He is treating me some what better, he has spent a little time with me and the family, he has started giving me hugs before he leaves for work, and being considerate of my feelings and requests; but he is still staying out until the early hours of the morning, and deleting things off his cell, and not shareing important information with me, and is still choseing his friends over me. I feel so helpless when it comes to him and the kids, like I have no say in anything. I just invision myself slamming my head into a wall, or screaming or worse.

Does anyone have any suggestion to curb this desperate behavor? I am honestly starting to scare myself. I am with my kids 5-6 nights out of 7 alone and they need a good parent with them. I am not a good parent at the moment.

((((Kmej))))


Talk with your Dr. You sound as if you are depressed. I remember those days. Snapping at the kids left and right.

((((Kmej))))


Talk with your Dr. You sound as if you are depressed. I remember those days. Snapping at the kids left and right.

Oh hon...it's hard, I know, and they don't deserve it...I get short with my kids too.

Hon....are you sure H is still in NC?? I think that's what's eatin' at you. Remember your gut hon....don't dismiss it...deleting things off of the cell and staying out late...I don't have to tell you, you know...that's why your temper is running short.

Maybe you can go to the Doc and get something for anxiety. That'll at least help the symptoms...for the cure sounds like it might be a little more difficult.

-Caren

<small>[ February 02, 2005, 10:00 PM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Hey Hon </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
Does anyone have any suggestion to curb this desperate behavor? I am honestly starting to scare myself. I am with my kids 5-6 nights out of 7 alone and they need a good parent with them. I am not a good parent at the moment. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are a great parent under pressure. I've been there myself (I know this is weird coming from a man, but I was a stay at home dad for several years). I don't know your situation - haven't read up on it, so I'm jumping in cold, but I'm guessing that your H behavior is very upsetting.

Are you suspecting an A? If so, here's something I'd suggest - see your doc ahout anti-anxiety meds. Just a short term fix, but they do help manage in difficult situations. They've worked for me during the hell I've been thru this past month - I was finding myself ready to throw things, yell at the kids ---- all at a time when they needed me to be the strongest and calmest for them. I asked my doctorm he prescribed both Xanax and Valium - in case one didn't work the other would. I thought I'd turn into a zombie, but they've worked very well. I don't take the Valium very much (really strong - plus my wife seems to take a lot of them to school to share with her friends).

The other thing I've done is to start playing mood altrering music - New Age sort of stuff. Keeps the atmosphere very calm (I'm a Country Music/Rock 'n Roll kind of guy).

And there's your brilliant idea of giving mom a 'time out'. Do that a LOT. Take time out to calm down - do relaxation counting - 20 to 1 very slowly, relaxing separate muswcle groups with each exhale.

And vent your heart out on here. I still think there should be a "VENTING" category for anytone who wants to can post a rage - maybe even anonymously - on this site - they help get rid of stress ahead of time so you can be calm when you need to....

David

Caren- I do think he is in NC with the original OW however my gut tells me there is someone new. I have asked H if that is the case and he says no. Of course he will say that. You are right about one thing, I resent my H, the way he treats me, the way everything is a double standard the way I never feel good enough for him.

As for the Meds- I asked for some when I went in a few weeks back and my doctor would not prescrib me any because I have Mono. I do feel I am out of control. I feel like I am trapped in this horrible nightmare and that my kids are going to turn out the same way.

I feel powerless- yet I can't get anything to help me with it.

Call the doctor back, get in there to see him/her and let him know what is going on, don't down play it for the doctor.....I did that, very dangerous, I don't suggest it, I went from moody/anxious to suicidal in no time flat. Go to the doctor......MAKE HIM LISTEN.

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> Caren- I do think he is in NC with the original OW however my gut tells me there is someone new. I have asked H if that is the case and he says no. Of course he will say that. You are right about one thing, I resent my H, the way he treats me, the way everything is a double standard the way I never feel good enough for him.

As for the Meds- I asked for some when I went in a few weeks back and my doctor would not prescrib me any because I have Mono. I do feel I am out of control. I feel like I am trapped in this horrible nightmare and that my kids are going to turn out the same way.

I feel powerless- yet I can't get anything to help me with it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ask him again. I checked with the staff at work, there aren't any dangerous side effects (I work in ER with many doctors) - he's afraid it migfht weaken your immunity. If no anti-anxiety then discuss ADs like Prozac. It WON'T affect the mono, and you will get pretty much the same effect.

If he won't help you, get a psych that will.

Thanks I need to do something- I am either working, worrying about my H, yelling at my kids, running on the tred mill, eating or on here. I can not handle any interuption and my my paitence that were once great are now nill. I took my kids and 4 more to the park today as it was a beautiful Minnesota day (40*!!!) and found I did okay but when I got home I was spent. I am not that type of person. I am not. I will call him tomorrow- I have nothing to lose and everything to gain right? I will just have to keep them from my H....

What are some side effects?

also I am getting pretty good at putting myself in my own world. Making up things so that others do not feel bad for me, or to just cheer myself up I either up play or down play things my H does to make me feel better. I am having a hard time doing that right now. He is always puttimg everyone infront of me. Today I accidently locked my keys in my car and he got mad at me because he had to bring me keys and he chewed me out about anything he could think of until I was crying and told him I had to go- then acted like nothing happend when he brought me the keys. His mood swings are so hard to understand that I really can not.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>What are some side effects? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For anti-anxiety drugs, the main side effect is drowsiness at first - but you get used to it. Also, they are habit forming, but your doc knows that. I monitor what I take very carefully. If you go for Prozac, expect a little drowsiness at first, but the big drawback to ADs are that they cause a loss of sexual desire....ok if there's nothing going in your marriage (like mine - thank God for Prozac or I'd go insane from lack of SF - sorry for getting too personal there). That's about all you can expect form either drug. Oh - and Valium has a marvelous extra value - it is an excellent muscle relaxer - you get a muscle spasm, take a valium, and it will relax.....

David

I have Percacet (SP?) right now that does a great job relaxing me- maybe I should take that more, I just do not like the fuzzy head feeling. As for the SF maybe that will help- my drive is much higher then my H's and it is hurtful to get shot down all the time. Thank you for shareing that information with me.

Edited to add---
What does A/D's do with weight? I am eating my emotions and then trying to run them off and have put on some weight- I can not afford to put on anymore.

<small>[ February 02, 2005, 10:36 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> I have Percacet (SP?) right now that does a great job relaxing me- maybe I should take that more, I just do not like the fuzzy head feeling. As for the SF maybe that will help- my drive is much higher then my H's and it is hurtful to get shot down all the time. Thank you for shareing that information with me.

Edited to add---
What does A/D's do with weight? I am eating my emotions and then trying to run them off and have put on some weight- I can not afford to put on anymore. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, Percocet is a pain killer - not quite the same thing. The whole idea behind Percoset (and any other opiate, as far as I'm concerned) is just to mess your head up so much you don't care that you are in pain. Anti-anxiety and Anti-Depressants are completely different. DON'T rely on Percoset to handle the problem - it will cause more problems than it fixes. Only use it for pain! As for A/Ds and diet, you eat because of stress - get rid of the stress and you can maintain your diet much better.

<small>[ February 02, 2005, 10:45 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

KMEJ:

I am sorry for your continued turmoil. It sounds like things are bad for you. I hope you find a "way" to have brighter days ahead. PLease remember that you DO have CONTROL in making that happen.

As for the AD's, while I am not an internist or psych (and don't have that much experience with AD's), I would advise you to get a 2nd opinion on the use of AD's with your mono. If your liver enzymes are normal, it is probably fine. Once again, you should be getting an EXPERT opinion on this (and not taking anyone's advice--including mine here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ). YOur personal situation is clearly getting worse and taking a toll on your children. I know that you have your convictions and own plans.....but as Dr Phil would say......"How is that working for you"? YOu know I have only best wishes for you and your children.

Cheers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

p.s. My Birds are one win away from the SB championship...unfortunatley I do not have that much confidence in them against the partiots <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

LM is right - your doc will have to maintain a constant assessment of liver function, but as long as your stay on low dosages, I don't think you'd have a problem. Again, I am only relaying info from friends at work (the ER Drs) and it's up to your personal DR as to how much to prescribe - if at all. I'd guess that a 10 mg dosage of Prozac wouldn't affect your liver funtions at all, although anti-anxiety drugs might. It depends on what stage your mono is at.

Lemonman-
It is nice to hear from you. Yeah things on my end are a constant rollercoaster ride- and for some reason I have not gotten sick enough to get off. Stupid stupid stupid. Right now H has ME convinced that I am HAVING an affair <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> In my opinion he is just trying to take the attention off of him.

I am very excited for you and the Eagles and will be rooting for them come Sunday- really for NO OTHER reason then you are their fan- other then that I am not invested. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My last test all came back at normal levels- except the mono which as I am sure you know will test positive for some time. I am back at both jobs and playing catch up from my week off- so my stress is up both at home and at work. I am feeling the pressure now- and I give to much energy to my H who has grown to expect it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I know the difference between right and wrong- and H thinks I should not get upset that he comes home a little late at night. That we only act like children when we end up in a fight. I feel he does not know me, and if he does not know me after 9 years will he ever? Or is it me that does not know him. After all the things we have been through we should understand- we should understand eachother right?

I feel I have hit a wall- and I just know that I need to do something for my kids. They are so cute and loving and forgiving (well maybe not the oldest "Mr. Attitude"!!!!). I want to enjoy their younger years not count the time down until bed. I swear they can smell fear- or anxiety- and they enjoy playing off it. THey do not take me seriously one bit and that is most frustrateing!

Tanel- Are you at work now? Thank you for your feedback- I really do appriciate it!! I will check with my doctor tomorrow. My mental health needs to get in check before I lose it entirely. Again thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge with me.
KMEJ

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> Tanel- Are you at work now? Thank you for your feedback- I really do appriciate it!! I will check with my doctor tomorrow. My mental health needs to get in check before I lose it entirely. Again thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge with me.
KMEJ </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No - I'm at home - just called in. We have keep our phones on all the time in case of emergencies.

KMEJ,

U R wound up real tight eh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Ok, deep cleansing breathes.....just a few to clear the mind. You got some lavendar oil? Put a little on a clean cloth then place the cloth on your forehead or top of your nose. Inhale gently.

Can you take a relaxing bath? Maybe with some bath salts or bath oil?

If not, take a warm shower, then do the lavendar thingy. Close your eyes and try to get some rest.

Relax Kmej, you need it. The same shtick will be there when you awake. But maybe you w/b in a better frame of mind to handle it. R U a perfectionist by trait? Then relaxing may not be your bag but you need to give it your best shot.

take care,
L.

Hi KMEJ!

Haven't posted to you in a while.

Just wanted to say on the anti-axiety drugs. I went on Lexapro, it really helped me for about three months and then I started experiencing bad side effects.

An awful twitch in my left eye, and I started to get really big in the stomach. I have always been thin so I couldn't understand. When on the net and found out that Lexapro can destroy your metabolism, which it did mine. Getting off of it was a nightmare with serious head rushes for weeks.

I am still trying to lose my stomach.

So be careful if you are offered Lexapro.

Can your mom take the kids sometimes so you get a break?

You are very young and have no support from hubby, so ofcourse it is difficult for you. You have alot on your plate.

There are worse things than being alone KMEJ. Being with someone like your hubby is probably one of them, in my opinion.