Not sure if you recall my story at all, but I wanted to give you a heads-up on recent occurrances. I apologize for not posting in a while, but I had to let off a bit to do a lot of grunt work for the marriage.

You have given me such great advice and helped me put my feet on the ground to start working on my marriage back in December. The lurking that I have done since then containing your advice have also helped me tremendously. I could not thank you enough. Without everyone's support I could not say today that I gave it everything I had.

Unfortunately, my wife has told me tonight that she will file for divorce. I am okay with that.

I can feel some 2x4's coming my way, but I feel that it is the best for my daughter and myself that I accept it and move on. I have to conserve what I have left of myself to be able to carry on.

My wife has changed into a person that I cannot be truly happy with, even if she was to be happy with me. The choices she has made in the past are the opposite of what I would consider to be a spouse that I could be happy with in the future. Her use of marijuana with her friends at school on a regular basis has made me neglect my own standards and who I really am. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Not only am I suffering mentally from trying to ignore it because I feel so strongly against the use of narcotics, but the life of my daughter could be disrupted from it. I will have DHS on speed-dial. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Plus my career in law enforcement could be damaged because of my neglect to self.

My friends and family have also expressed their disgust in her actions and say that I am a very strong person to stay in it this long. I do not know if it is strength or weakness.

I cannot give hysterically to someone who does not find a reason to put in effort anymore. I will lose too much of myself.

I hope you will understand my reasoning for letting go.

In the meantime, I am looking for a suitable apartment, contacting a lawyer, and putting my VA and National Guard benefits to good use in this mess. I will make it. For the first time in six years, I know that I can make without her.

By the way, not only did Orchid's reverse babble tehniques make my wife take a few double-takes, but it also opened the door to telling my wife exactly what I felt in a non-sugar-coated manner (I'm a bad conflict avoider). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I wanted you to know what was going on and would like to start posting more often as I have found a tremendously wonderful and gracious group of friends in this forum. I would just like to take the time to tell thank you to all of you for supporting me and my efforts (and giving me a shove in the right direction <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

-DKelly

<small>[ February 02, 2005, 11:01 PM: Message edited by: dkelly ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well, I've run the gamut.

Don't be a stranger.

Noodle

2x4's only if you are giving your daughter up. Otherwise, I can totally relate to your situation. My wife has been smoking pot for two years, while I sit at the other end of the house, wondering how someone studying law, preparing for courtroom battles, could be doing such a strange thing. OK, I smoked it in the 70s for God's sake. Some of us grow up. (Can't quit the ACID though - heh heh heh heh)

My wife has turned into an alien as well - done a complete 180 from what she used to be, so I am with you there.

Wish your marriage had worked out - but if it doesn't, my guess is that you are still a better person than you were three months ago.

If you want - email me.

David

Good for you for knowing your limits and doing your best to stick to your morals and what is best for yourself and your daughter. You both are on different levels in your lives. You will find happiness in yourself again. There is something to be said about being married to young- your wife does not sound like she was ready to be married with a child. DO your best to raise your daughter right and stay strong. God has more planned for your. Give your heart over and find peace. It is time to let God take care of you and guide you. You will survive.

No 2x4 here. All the best.
KMEJ

BTW...Looking for TWO bedroom apartments so my daughter will get her own room. My daughter and I need each other. Couldn't give her up.

will your wife give her up with out a fight? I hope you are in a father friendly state. In my state if the mother wants the children the father has to prove her unfit. However does not sound as if that would be hard for you to do.

Continue to be strong. This too shall pass.

I live in eastern Iowa...no fault state.

We have talked about trying for joint custody. This talk is, however, without legal consultation (which I will receive in a couple days).

Hey DK -

Good to hear from you! Well, you are the only one that can decide whether or not you want to try and rebuild your M...

It sounds like you've found a "good" place for yourself... that's great. Give us a shout if you ever have any questions!

Semper Fi,
RIF

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dkelly:
<strong> BTW...Looking for TWO bedroom apartments so my daughter will get her own room. My daughter and I need each other. Couldn't give her up. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK then, no 2X4s

My dear DK,

No 2x4s from out in the Pacific Ocean. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Nope, sounds like you have reached a place where your heart and mind are in sync. You can and should move forward knowing you have done the best you can. No one can ask for more. Your WS still is in the fog but it is also time to move forward.

Your daughter is fortunate to have such a caring, loving dad. She will enjoy fixing up her new room.

Reverse babble has it's place. Now is the time to develope that strong bond with your daughter. You can teach her how to avoid the path of her mom. It w/b hard for her seeing her mom's demise and such but to have you as her biggest supporter will be good for both of you. She can be one of your best supporters also. A hug from our children is a healing all it's own. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Please keep in touch. You are a success story, ok? Personal recovery is attainable for all and you showed you can do it while retaining your diginity and respect by all who truly know you.

All the best,
L.