</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithful follower:
<strong> Oh and I am feeling a tad better but am going to tell my H about the dream. I just don't look forward to it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey FF - I'm sure you'll do just fine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi FF, how are you doing today?

my stomach is major knots.

RIF, let me re-phrase, H won't get mad, he just refuses.

i might be a woman of few words today. i hate the feeling of NOT looking forward to a weekend. although i have to work tommorow anyway so what's the diff?

when i got home last night, things were cordial. we "cuddled" when we went to bed, if you can call it that. i don't know how to explain it but our cuddling is very distant feeling. he was still asleep as i left. i left him a note card that says "Hello" a bunch of times on the front and inside i wrote... i didn't want to disturb your sleep, here are some morning hugs and kisses for you. i hope you have a good day, i'll try to make mine a shorter one today. then i drew some X's and O's.

did i mention my stomach is a mess today??

Morning FL - The note card is a great idea! I used to write my W a note card every morning... she still keeps all of the old ones in a box. Haven't been able to write any note cards over here, but we IM and e-mail every day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well, I was pretty stubborn about MC... in fact we put it off for 10 years!... Keep showing him that you're still committed to him and to the M... and that you love him... Hopefully he'll come around.

Semper Fi,
RIF

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Keep showing him that you're still committed to him and to the M... and that you love him... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i'll try but i don't know if he sees any of it. all i can hope is that in time it will all finally penetrate his heart. i know i took a really long time to truely give him a second chance. how can i blame him for doing the same thing now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FinallyLearning-T2M:
<strong> [QUOTE] i'll try but i don't know if he sees any of it. all i can hope is that in time it will all finally penetrate his heart.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BINGO!!!

Trust me, he "sees" all of it. Remember, it's going to take consistent action by you over a long period of time...

Right now, I'll bet that he wants to trust you again, but he's been burned so it's going to take a while. Give him that time... by being totally transparent with him... be totally honest with him... and love the heck out of him!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Semper Fi,
RIF

morning RIF and FL, well didn't get a chance to talk about the dream last night as H did not get home until late. Then I had a vivid dream about OW. Sorry about the t/j.

FL, thinking about what you said about penetrating his heart. My H told me it will take a long time of consistant actions for him to believe my words. Remember to refrain from saying "I've changed" and just show him over and over. Something my MC said really struck home with me. She said it took us 13 years to get to this point, we can't "fix it" overnight. We have long ingrained habits that we both are working on changing and we both have to earn trust back. KWIM? FL, if your stomach is still upset I would suggest you find a quiet place and really, truly hand this over to God. I have to remember to pray every single day and tell God I surrender to Him and his mercy. I thank Him everyday for his forgiveness and lay my M in His healing hands. Otherwise, I would be a wreck I can guarentee it. {{FL}} You are doing well, really you are or you wouldn't be sweating this out.

hi, it's not possible to find a quite place right now but i am trying to calm down.

hi, it's not possible to find a quite place right now but i am trying to calm down.

to be fair, i think some of it is work related too.

I don't mean to intrude, just wanted to send some support your way FL. You can email me too if you would ever like to. krissam52@yahoo.com

Now, on to my 2 cents worth.

FL, What we think, we feel. If you are feeling a certain way about yourself, you will feel it, change your internally dialogue.

They weight thing, isn't it about self control, self discipline, you losing weight, would be an act of faith that you are committed, that you are gaining control over yourself and your life, maybe that is what your H is wanting to see, not the weight to come off, but you regaining control of your life. I would think, that would show him, as a BS, a great deal of commitment.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> probably sounds odd, but i like to jog in the dark.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Odd, nope, to me it sounds scary. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> That is great, and you said you have a gym available to you, get your butt down their and work out. Stop sabotaging your recovery. How can you fail, if you aren't even trying????

I'm tired of being afraid of failure, aren't you??? My entire life I have been afraid of it, not anymore, I'm going to live a better and stronger life, join me.

I think you need a good plan of action, time to take some steps. I think your H would appreciate seeing you in action.

KY

intrude all you want!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The weight thing, isn't it about self control, self discipline, you losing weight, would be an act of faith that you are committed, that you are gaining control over yourself and your life, maybe that is what your H is wanting to see, not the weight to come off, but you regaining control of your life </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yes that is exactly what he has said.

and i get that and you are right, i am sabatoging the recovery by not making progress there.

but shouldn't the changes i am making in how i am relating to him, how i am examining my insides count? why don't they count for anything worthwhile?

as for jogging in the dark, i go over to the HS track, so i am not just on the streets.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but shouldn't the changes i am making in how i am relating to him, how i am examining my insides count? why don't they count for anything worthwhile?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why don't you count your own changes and feel worthwhile irregardless of your husband's attitude?

(rhetorical, of course, no need to respond, just THINK)

Pep

rif, how many times are you going to have to remind me how much time this will take....seems like i just cannot seem to hang on to that fact.

KY, thanks for you eamil, i will use it

Faith, i also thank you for your offer of email and yes, i would like that. but i cannot post my address here, it is my last name and place of enployment. can you post yours?

FL, anytime you want or need to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

This is a quote from my thread on not playing the victim. Yes, I'm quoting myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

This was in reference to recovery and the BS not forgiving the WS.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I needed to rise above myself, and hold myself accountable, regardless of my H's behavior. It was about building my character, and having self respect. For the first time in my life, I stood alone, I was not leaning or hiding, on anybody, I held myself accountable, it was my decision, and my wrong to make right.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">KY

FL, my addy is killnme2004-mb@yahoo.com. Email me anytime. {{FL}}