Was confronted 1/19/05. Told the truth. Been telling the truth ever since. Have read SAA, H bought it for us and am going for MC. He's been incredible...stong, supportive, understanding and attentive. Trouble is w/d from OM. It's not what I want and need but letting go is harder than expected. Need help and tips and suggestions on what to do to get me through and make sure I remain true to my H.

Sent OM letter with my wishes for no contact. Found out his wife made him burn it. Found out b/c I have called him 2 X's. Told my H the truth. My H leaves 2/14 for about 7 weeks. Am so strong when he is with me but get weak when he is gone. Would love to hear from someone who can relate and need proactive and constructive ideas on how to stay away from OM.

There are lots of people on MB who are military personnel and I'm sure some really good advice will come along soon. The most important thing you can do for your husband now is have NO CONTACT whatsoever with your OM. No last goodbyes, no text messages, no emails, no phonecalls. Nothing. It is the first big step if you are ready to embrace recovery. Good luck. TT

The only thing that I believe works is the decision. The complete and total commitment to NC.

If you only 1/2 make the commitment then do not expect NC to work.

When you find yourself wanting to give in then call a friend or post here.

The only way to the other side is complete commitment.

You can do it if you really want to be with your husband. You must do it for your marriage if that is what you want.

There are lots of people on MB who are military personnel and I'm sure some really good advice will come along soon. The most important thing you can do for your husband now is have NO CONTACT whatsoever with your OM. No last goodbyes, no text messages, no emails, no phonecalls. Nothing. It is the first big step if you are ready to embrace recovery. Good luck. TT

First, I'd try to go with him if you can. Of course kiddos are in school, so you would need to arrange that or resign yourself to having them miss a lot of school.

Second, have a trusted friend stay with you, to keep you accountable. Change your cell phone number, ditto for the home phone.

Third idea is go stay with your parents or his parents. Again, changing cell numbers, etc.

You may need to quit your job, take a leave of absence, etc.

I think it's great that you are looking at ways to avoid contact and recognizing your human nature.

I am envious, my WW is still hot in the affair after almost 18 months now. So I do admire you and wish you well.

TB

Welcome. I'm glad you have come here. You might also post on the Idiotville thread. There are other women there that have gone through what you are going through now. Also someone is there day and night.

Hello,

This shows how much your husband truly loves you.
When you get weak imagine a couple of things:
First, imagine how you would be feeling if the roles had been reversed? Would you have acted so lovingly as your husband?
Second, imagine your husband founding out a second time and the hurt you would give him.
Thirdly, imagine your husband divorcing you and moving on while the OM stays with his wife.
Fourthly, imagine yourself sad and alone and wishing you could have change things. This can be your future if you wish it to be. Your husband has given you a second chance. Don't be so foolish as to blow it again.
Again when you are weak imagine your husband divorcing you and later marrying someone else. Is this what you want? The choice is yours!

Hindsight, is NO WAY your H? I am a FWW. You can do this. There is another poster on here that was WW with a deployed H. I will ask her to post to you. Keep posting here whenever you feel the desire to call OM.

Hi Faithful Follower. Yes No Way is my H! He's been my largest source of support and that is why his leaving will be so hard.

It would be great to have the person with the W while having a H deployed post here to help me. Feeling low right now, in fact. I work from home and it's difficult as I am very isolated and have lots of freedom to think and fall apart.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hind Sight 20/20:
proactive and constructive ideas on how to stay away from OM.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Make a promise to yourself to look each of your 2 kids straight in the eyes everyday and tell them how much you love their Daddy and how hard it is to be without their Daddy ... and then hug each kid saying:

"I love my family so much. I want our family to stay together forever."

How's that strike you?

Pep

<small>[ February 03, 2005, 09:57 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Hind sight -it is difficult to write you and I will try to be in your shoes. My H had an A and you need to think about the hurt you have given yourself and so many others. I am glad you were hones with your H. So many people lie. The pain is so bad all the way around. Why would you want to stay in contact with someone who is a cheat? Think about that -OM - he is deceitful. Your H is not he is a good man and I think you should feel lucky to have him. Think about what you have been told by the people here. Two wrongs do not make it right. Be strong and maybe make yourself do some things for your H while he is gone . Plan a romantic weekend for when he gets home. Clean the house real good for when he gets home. Do something. Write him love letters -your H will love it when he gets back and give them to him as a suprise. Think of him and how to better yourself and M while he is gone -focus on your M.

Hind Sight

I'm a FWW and also a military wife and have been through a similar experience, though different in some areas.

I eventually told my H after the A was over and a few months before his 3rd deployment, the last time to Iraq.

If you need to talk or ask questions and I could be of help please dont hesitate to ask or email me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hind Sight,

I am a FWW as well....we all know what you are going through, and we're here to help. Let yourself find support here with us, ok?

{{{{hugs to you}}}


NOW