i am recently married but have been with my wife for 7 years. the second year of our relationship - on 3 occasions - i became very intoxicated and called prostitutes. i also, that year, messed around with an old fling. At the end of that troubled year, our relationship had a defining moment and i have not strayed again.

Another past mistake (from that same awful time, but not as bad) recently came out. She is very hurt and angry (understandably) and has told me that she wants to know if any other bad skeletons will come out again.

i don't want to lie, but i don't want a mistake i made so many years ago to hurt my wife today. does anyone have experience in pre-marriage infidelity and the best way to deal with it?

mt, she really needs to know this. She has probably suspected something is wrong for years, but just couldn't put her finger on it. Honesty is always the solution to adultery. You are compounding the crime by continuing to lie to her. Not only that, but your lies put up a wall between you that only grows every years and prevents true intimacy. As far as "hurting her," that has already been done; she just doesn't know it yet.

But the longer you wait the worse it will be when she eventually finds out the truth. And she will most likely find out. It's best that it comes from you, instead of her finding out on her own.

I would think about this and let us help you in how you approach her. We could also help her through this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i don't want to lie, but</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then, don't lie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> no buts!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i don't want a mistake i made so many years ago to hurt my wife today</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As a man of integrity, what is your long term goal?

More honesty and intimacy in your marriage?

Ask yourself if a relationship becomes stronger when built on a lie.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ February 03, 2005, 02:36 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>