Question (but first a little background):

WH and I are doing great. NC (this time) since end of December (when SHE re-initiated AGAIN). There seems to be no fog this time. I think the reason for no fog is that WH finally found out that OW was is not a good person.

WH found this out by being served with a restraining order from OW and her H. I exposed the A to OW H. The next day WH was served with RO. It seems that the OW lied to her H and said that my WH was harassing her (calling her and driving by her work etc). This is not true (she had been over and slept with my WH and told him she loved him the day prior to RO being served. Also told WH she was leaving her H to be with him permanently that weekend). I guess OW changed her mind and decided she did not want her H to know that she was having a EA/PA so told her H my WH was "stalking" her. My WH could NOT believe that she would/could do this.

Next week WH and I have to go to a hearing for the RO. We have all the phone bills showing SHE (OW) was the one calling my WH (2 plus hours per day sometimes). He called her occasionally, but she did the majority of the calling. Anyway, I think we will be able to easily prove that the relationship was mutual and he in no was was harassing her. The date on the restraining order where she claims that he was hassling her, she had actually came to our home and had sex with him! He was just appalled that she could lie like that! He really believed her when she said she loved him and was going to be with him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Makes me feel sad for him. Makes me wanna HURT her for what she did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Hurt my best friend and almost ruined our life together.... for no apparent reason....

Both I and WH know that he made mistakes, but at least he has been totally honest since it came out and has told me everything. Found out SEVERAL lies that OW told him. So I think that WH finally sees that she is not what she claimed to be.

We will see OW and her H next week at the hearing. My WH NOT looking forward to it at all, but does not want a RO on his record when it is not true.

So... now for the question. As he HAVE to attend the hearing so NC will be out the window, do you think WH will go through withdrawl after seeing OW again after a little over a month?

He really does not seem to be going through withdrawl now at all... just ticked off that she lied (and lied, and lied, and lied)and went so far as to do RO just so her husband would believe her.

I just kind of want to know what to expect after the hearing.... I am assuming he won't be happy to have to go through everything in public (and he has said she will hate him afterward because he is going to tell the judge their entire history (had sex approx. 50 times)). But I am wondering what I can expect. Any ideas?

Thanks much!

LibbyAnn

LA,

Really....I don't know. What I suspect, is that there will be drama, anger and tears. When she is exposed, he may feel some sympathy for her...or he may dislike her more....dunno. This is something you should discuss with him.

Star*fish,

Hiya angel! So nice to see your post... I miss all of your wonderful advice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WH and I have talked about it. I had talked to OW H and asked him to drop the RO and told him they would loose. I showed him phone records, hotel reciepts (with her car as registered vehicle etc). I told him I did not want him to be blindsided at hearing and that it should be dropped if he did not want to go through these things in public. He asked for time to think about it. I called him a week later and he said his WW told him she had not been "with" my WH and he would not drop the restraining order.

I then actually called OW after I had talked to her H (my WH wanted to make sure she knew what was going on.... he was feeling sorry for her that her H was "making" her do this and did not think she knew we WOULD be fighting the RO and going to court). I also wanted to make sure that she knew if we went to court everything would be made public. (Star, this includes the ENTIRE history we discussed). She said it was her H decision and I would have to talk to him. She was very cold and unfeeling. My WH had never heard her sound like that (told you she is a good actress). He could not believe it was her (speaker phone). Both WH and I were kind of hoping it would just get dropped. As WH heard my conversation with OW (that she knew the whole situation and was going through with the hearing even thought the RO is based on her lies) and said fine, THE GLOVES COME OFF. He said he will not believe her tears and will not feel sorry for her. I just don't know though. It has only been a little over a month fo NC... and she has some powerful pull on him (at least she did....).

Cross your fingers for me and any advice is appreciated.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks again for EVERYTHING you have done for us. I have NO idea where I would be without you!

LibbyAnn

Libby,

It sounds like you and H did everything in your power to protect her from her own lies and duplicity. I am sorry she didn't do the smart thing and drop the charges....but I'm glad you guys are fighting it TOGETHER...it gives you a common enemy and that can be very strengthening. My advice....is to let her show her ugliness...while YOU keep your cool and grace. The truth will do the rest.

Please let me know what happens.

(((((((((((libby))))))))))))))

LA,

Sorry you are dealing with a psycho OW. I feel even sorrier for her H who appear t/b duped by this clever actress.

Probably the judge will grant the RO because it w/b safer to make sure both don't contact each other. That is what happened my our case.

PBR (OW - stands for pyscho babble rabbit), filed an RO, called several locations of the same church I attend, spoke with various women's abuse centers on multiple occasions, sent me an e-mail to wish me well after she told me about their supposed last encounter and that the WS knew of this e-mail, called 2 other states looking for a similar church, tried to call other crisis hotlines, etc..... in about a 3day span.

Then she showed up in court with a 3 or 4" binder filled with copies of e-mails correspondence between WS and OW along with her taped recorded conversations. Is this woman crazed or what?

WS had already ended it with her, that is why she went with the RO filing. She tried to make herself out t/b the victim. Didn't work. Even the temporary judge who oversaw the case said her claims were barely believeable. I went with the Xws to court (at his request). I got to see that bimbo and she pretended to smile at me. I did not dignify her with even a nod (maybe 1 raised eyebrow LOL!!! ). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Bottom line is that the judge granted the RO. OW thinks she won something but she really didn't. It was ok to let her think that because I had more info on her if I needed to file an RO. I did not share that info in court. So that will always hang over her head.

She now lives in fear that one day I may choose to release my info. It is better that way.

I am telling you this so you see how theh courts may view this case. You have the right to have a n attorney present but your H needs to speak his side. Your H should have already had a chance to give his side in writing which a copy of it does go to the OW. So write what she already knows and save the rest for court. No emotions, keep it factual. Save the rest for court.

Ask your lawyer about filing a counter RO. Mention you feel your safety c/b in jeporady. Do a full background check on her and her H. Use it in court if needed.

It maybe hard to get a lawyer since this isn't a big $$ thing for them. But if you are willing to pay a retainer and the lawyer is good, it may help. Don't let the other party know when you retain counsel.

Just be prepared.

L.

Star*fish,

Will do. I will post next Wednesday about the hearing. Hopefully the judge will be able to give his opinion that day (I guess sometimes they contemplate a little bit... but I think our case will be pretty cut and dry).

I think you are right about fighting TOGETHER. Good feeling to be a team again... just like we used to be. Us against the world. I like that. Big smile! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My family is getting better too. Not saying I should have left him anymore etc. Actually being supportive of my decision (although they have not spent time with him since X-Mas eve that was tense). I think in time they will be able to forgive him too. They have commented that it is SO nice to see me happy again. It will be so nice if we can all golf together this summer as we have in past years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have been emailing BWA (from SYMC) and told her I am concerned that after the temp. RO is lifted that OW will again try to contact WH. I can see her saying her H made her do it and try for sympathy. WH has told me she WILL NOT try to contact him after what he has to say in court. He said she will hate him at that point. I still think she might try. He said is she ever does he will tell me ASAP. He said he would actually like to talk to her to find out why she did all this when she had no intention of leaving her H. He also wants her to know he is glad he found out what type of person she is before he lost me and our life together. I told BWA I wanted to get a tape recorder so I could hear if she called and what was said. BWA said NO... major LB - I need to trust him to do what he says. I know that makes sense.... but I just don't trust her... and I DO trust WH. I just don't know what he would do/feel if she actually phoned him. In theory it is easy to say you will do something, but when presented with the actual situation.... I just don't want to be fooled again.

LibbyAnn

Orchid,

Thank you for the response. I was hoping that would not be the case. I just can't believe that someone can go get a restraining order with nothing but the $245 to file and a "story". Although like I said she is a good actress and I am sure she had those tears flowing (although she had just had sex with my WH - LESS than 24 hours earlier and asked him why they could not just live at my house (MUCHO times nicer than hers)). Psycho!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I will pass this info on to my WH too so if it does happen we will be prepared for it. We have already discussed losing the case. We had to pay $245 just to have the hearing to fight it and it says if we loose we have to pay THEIR fees for filing. Geez, it would end up costing us $500 when this is all a bunch of bunk! Oh well. My WH said it will be worth it even if we loose so that he can tell the truth and so that OW H gets to hear the whole history and situation as his W is obviously not telling him everything. He probably will not believe it anyway, but at least we will have told the truth.

Then we get to go to concilliation court in April as OW H has an expensive set of golf clubs of WH and a key to our golf cart. Too bad it can not all be taken care of next week so we would not have to see him or them again.

Well, wish us luck. I just hope that the judge gives WH enough time to tell about their history etc. I really want it all out there. I would love it if OW hates my WH... then no worries about her calling again in a few months.... as she has done after stating no contact a few other times.

Thanks again Orchid!

LibbyAnn

Libby,

Not sure what state you are in but wanted you to know what the outcome c/b. Family courts hear a lot of garbage on a daily basis. They are not shocked by the antics of a crazed OW. However, their toleration level is quite low. It is just a job to them but your family and your life. Don't expect them to care about the consquences to your H. In their eyes, he asked for this to happen.

It is best if you 2 keep together as one team. The OWs M is already doomed, just a matter of when her H gets tired of her antics.

If you want to talk, you can e-mail me at: mborhid2@yahoo.com

take care,
L.

Orchid,

I just sent you an email and it came back undeliverable.....

Oops. try: mborchid2@yahoo.com (I misspelled my user name in the last addy). Sorry.

Try again.

L.

Thanks everyone for the replies. I am heading out for the day. I will check back in tomorrow.

Have a joyful evening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LibbyAnn

Libby Ann.......

Sorry to hear about what you're going through. I went through something similar. The OW in my situation IS a psycho who continuously harassed us even though we filed a RO against her. She still makes general threats on Yahoo, so that the police can't do anything, yet I know they're meant for me.

This is what makes me so angry...the OW gets dumped by her married lover and does whatever she can to destroy the betrayed wifes life. Get your own life. Know what I mean?

Hopefully, your husbands commitment to rebuild your marriage will be reinforced by the OW showing how petty she is. That's what it took for my husband to step out of the fog.

Don't let this cause you to lose sleep. Truth will prevail. I know how it feels to be falsely accused of something, especially by someone who has hurt you emotionally.

*waves at Orchid* I decided to use my original name because I don't care if the the OW sees my post or not. I guess I'm having a good day today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hey Arabesque!!!!

Glad you are feeling better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for helping Libby. Psycho OWs, is there a club or a cure for them?!?!?? LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Aloha,
L.

Arabesque,

Thank you for your reply. My WH was thinking he should suggest to the judge that he put the RO on the OW to keep her away from us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> That would be great! We live in a small community and we are bound to run in to her and her H at the grocery store or just doing our everyday things. Yuck! Plus, as the judge will see, she is the one who each time initiated re-contact. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

And yes, she is PSYCHO. She was only married 4 months when she first got together with WH. Then on and off for a while - then all the time... plus the entire time she was pretending to be a friend of mine - asking me to confide in her... telling me I was her best friend and that we were SO much alike. NOT. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Makes me sick to think of it! And the entire time she was seducing my WH (who was in MLC and dumb enough to fall for it!).

I was okay with things before, but lately (I think because of having to go through the RO) I just really want some sort of revenge. I was thinking of sending the transcripts from the RO hearing to her pastor (she pretends to be very religious....). I don't suppose that is the best thing to do is it? It is way past exposure, so would just be vindictive I guess???? But in a way I wanted to tell him and request that he try to work with her to keep her from doing this to another family. It certainly looks like a pattern for her... needing to be the center of attention. I can not see her sitting back and not having someone around to fawn all over her when her H is not paying enough attention. Sad isn't it?

I know exactly what you mean about GET YOUR OWN LIFE. Do these OW derive some sort of preverse pleasure out of causing havic in other peoples lives. Gives them some sort of power trip or something I guess?

I know that when WH and OW were planning to be together and we were selling the house etc. she came over one day (supposedly for help with her divorce papers... but she brought the wrong ones...) and told me that WH told her that she HAD to get along with me as I was his best friend for 20 years and we would continue to be best friends. She said he told her if she could not deal with that then he could not be with her. That really ticked her off. Hah! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> WH really believed we would still be best friends. I thought we could be friends too... but that it would be hard to see him with her. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> But that if things were going to end I was going to do it on a high note and with dignity. Anyway..... just really glad I exposed and he ended up seeing her true self... and all her lies. He says it is funny, she was constantly telling him that she COULD NOT LIE. Hah! I would tell him of her lies while it was all going on - but he could not see it. The fog I guess. Man alive, I am glad that has cleared! We are like you I guess - seeing her lies REALLY cleared the fog for WH.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Amazing there are SO many psycho OW out there. Her threats to you are scary. Too bad there is nothing that can be done to stop her.... If my OW threatened me my WH would probably loose it and WOULD need a RO. He knows they have hurt me enough.

Not looking forward to standing in the hallway in the court house waiting to go in for the hearing. I know they will be standing there too. Maybe we will need to stand around the corner, or get there early enough so they can go stand somewhere else. We are the first case of the afternoon and they keep the chambers locked over the noon hour I believe.

Anyway, thanks again. Orchid has prepared me that it may not go our way even though we have all the evidence on our side. I told WH this last night and he was bummed as he really does not want this on his record. But at least we are prepared.

When WH got home from work he said think... next weekend we can have fun and be happy, whatever happen with the hearing it will all be behind us. He is REALLY looking forward to this hearing and all being over. Nice to have him looking toward the future in a positive way.
Best to everyone,

LibbyAnn

Well, off to RO hearing this afternoon. Wish us luck. I will let everyone know how it goes. I am a bit ill thinking about going......

Thanks again for all of the advice.

LibbyAnn