Are there any FWW out there that have overcome fear of intimacy?

Any of you that used to drop huge LB's and/or DJ's on your H prior to working on intimacy issues?

If so, what was the key in developing desire/interest in working through the problem with your H?

Greer, our (my) situation seems very different from everyone else's on here.

For 28 years we had the "dream" marriage. The only problem I can see is some conflict avoidance. Rob was my stong, dependable rock who ALWAYS made everything better. Any problem I had he'd be there with comfort and support.

When our parents (apart from my mother) all died in the same year Rob went into a deep, dark depression and withdrew totally from me. He became like a shuffling old man, even his speech slowed down.

So, instead of reaching out to him as he always did to me, I just couldn't cope with the loss of my "rock". I see that as a major character flaw on my part but I'd never had it tested before. OM appeared out of my past, completely out of the blue, just at this time and the rest is history.

What we've both learned about intimacy from this is that we are always alert to anything that may make us withdraw from each other. What initiated my desire to work on "my" problem because it is my problem is our MC pointing out that comfort and support work both ways. It is something I will never let happen again. If he needs me, I'll be there.

This probably doesn't help but I hope it does in some way.

Jen

<small>[ February 03, 2005, 03:06 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ. ]</small>

greergan,

I'm a FWW. The only intimacy problems I've endured were post D Day. Actually towards the end of my A, I began to withdraw from my H a little bit. After D Day, I had a hard time with intimacy, due to my guilt. It took a while to get over that, but with MC and IC, it got better. HTH.

CC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Are there any FWW out there that have overcome fear of intimacy?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm getting there.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Any of you that used to drop huge LB's and/or DJ's on your H prior to working on intimacy issues?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This puts me on the defensive, not saying that is your intentions, just feels like you are putting all of it on the woman.

All of our disagreements pre-A, were because of SF. Nothing EVER got solved.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If so, what was the key in developing desire/interest in working through the problem with your H?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Forgivness for past behaivor.
Complete change from my H when it came to sex.
I need no pressure from my H.
I need to be able to trust his intentions for me.
I need to feel worthy of being his mate, not only in the bedroom.
I need my EN met, before I can go to bed with him.
I needed for certain things to stop, certain acts, and I needed him to say, they would never occur again, so I didn't have that worry, that fear.

Communication was key for us, there was so much resentment built up in our lives, so much conflict avoidance.

We had an extremely sick pattern. I'm a shamed of him for doing it, and a shamed of myself for allowing it. NEVER AGAIN, NEVER!!!!!!!

If we can over come this, and I forgive him for this, than anything is possible. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

KY

I *am* putting all of the fear of intimacy on EL (not all women) <ducks and runs>. Getting passed "how was your day" or "DD needs to be at the dance at 7:pm" has been a chore since shortly after we wed.

I am putting 50% of blame on each of us for conflict avoidance.

I am owning my relationship imaturity. This does not include fear of intimacy though, although I am sure that I have lessons to learn about intimacy.

I feel like I am on the search for the holy grail and just looking for any situation that is similar and has recovered/rebuilt.

well I dunno if EL read this or not but on the way home from work we had a very nice discussion that tells me her walls are starting to come down a litte

woooooootttttttt