Hello to all the MB PBL gurus out there - here it is, my Plan B Letter....if I am even able to use it....see here to see why I am not sure whether I should head into Plan B yet or not...please help on that thread also!

And anyone whom I drew parts of my letter from (Native00, Aislinn) please remember that imitation is the highest form of flattery!

Any comments/additions/corrections would be much appreciated...


TM

Dear WW,

I write to you today with sorrow, but also with a sense of peace and hope for my own future.

I love you to no end, and my commitment to you and our marriage was unending. You are an endless source of joy, and I admire the goals you have set for yourself and that you have been able to accomplish. You are a very bubbly and exciting woman with a love for life that you spread to all you meet.

I regret that we find ourselves in this place that is lonely and confusing for both of us. Until you left I did not understand how truly miserable you were. I did not realize how my depression, unhappiness, and resentment affected our marriage. I was lost and did not know how to change. I did not understand how to properly display the love that ran so deep, to the very core of my being, to you. I repeated the mistakes of my mother, and showed you love the way I was taught to show it, by providing. I didn’t understand what your needs truly were, and how I could meet those needs in order to allow our marriage to flourish.

I have done much introspection over the last two months and believe I have found the tools we need to make a marriage in which we are joyful, loving and supportive. I have made many changes in my life over the last months. Some of these you have noticed, some you have not. Some you may never know. I must continue with my changes and have demonstrated to myself that it’s possible and they are permanent. I still have much work to do, but with every success I have, my hope for MY future brightens and my confidence in my ability to make positive changes is bolstered. My hope is that I will be able to share this bright new future with you.

As my hope for my future increases, so does my sorrow over how easily I have been cast aside by you. I find my love for you dying. In order to preserve the love I still have for you and to stop my bitterness from overwhelming me, I must remove you from my daily life. I cannot visit with you, speak with you on the phone, email, or correspond via mail. I must also give myself a fresh start in a happy, positive environment. This is not a punishment. This is a safeguard of my love so that if there should come a time when we can both commit to working on rebuilding on marriage, there is still love and hope left with which to do that.

If you must contact me regarding financial or legal matters, you may do this through your mom. I expect our current financial arrangements to stay the same.

WW, I have the greatest of confidence that we could build a wonderful marriage if we both committed to making it happen. I have learned so much these last few months and would like nothing better than to share it with you. Should there come a time when you feel you could commit wholly to trying to build a new foundation with me, it is something that I would like to discuss with you. For me a commitment toward working for a reconciliation would entail an agreement for you to break all contact, even professionally, with OM, an agreement to marriage counseling for at least six months, and a realistic plan of how we would actually reconcile if the counseling were to show us that path. By realistic, I mean the logistics of what city we are to live in, my education, etc. My hope is that you will think hard on this and choose this commitment. If you do I would welcome a discussion with you about it. Until then, I ask that you respect my wish for no contact with you.

We were best friends once. I cannot imagine who I would rather spend my life with than my best friend.

I Have Always Loved You,
TM

This is a fantastic PlB letter.

TM,

I think you did an awesome job, and I will be saving this in case I need it myself. Hope you don't mind.

I pray that the Lord will bless this letter, and allow your WW to recieve it and act favorably on it. Amen

Hosea

Thanks star & Hosea....


bump...

Anybody else? I could sure use some pointers here...


TM

Very very good letter.

Brief, filled with love and reality! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Is there a need for an intermediary for financial reasons or any other reason?

Pep

PS .... my opinion:

Plan B soon

and

DRAG your feet with the divorce as much as possible.

Make it difficult for her to divorce you quickly. Let her fully experience missing you for awhile.

Pep

TM-

That's a great Plan B letter......do you care if I use it? The one I have is confusing at best, it's copied from the SAA book, with a few changes, but I really don't like it.

I would definitely use that TM, it's a very good letter.

-Caren

Pep -

I really respect your opinions, and am *blushing* to recieve a compliment from you...

But I don't understand the question regarding an intermediary...could you re-phrase the question?

Thanks,

TM

TM-

I think Pep means an intermediary for your Plan B, so you don't have to talk to WW....ya know?

-Caren

Yes, I know - in the letter, it says all communication needs to go through her mother...

Is that OK? Or should I say my lawyer for legal matters and her mother for everything else???

TM

LOL, my bad TM.

You got her Mom to agree to be an intermediary? That's interesting. Will she be able to remain objective? I mean I think the letter is fine how it stands, and if it's something legal, you could always just tell her Mom to tell her to contact your lawyer.

-Caren

Actually, I just got off of the phone with her mother, and she wants nothing to do with it...so I guess I will change the letter to e-mail only if needed....

TM

TM-

Well that sucks, but I wondered how that would work being that it's her Mom.

There's no one else? Maybe someone on here could be an e-mail intermediary for you. You don't really know me, or I'd offer to do it for you. If you can't find someone else, I can do it for you, I could set up an e-mail just for that.....it's a thought, but you won't hurt my feelings if you're not interested. I wish my WH had fricken e-mail, I don't think my intermediary is gonna work out either.

-Caren

No TM, you cannot accept any emails from her.

That would only keep you emotionally connected when what you need to do is disconnect.

It would also give her the feeling she is still connected to you, not good when what she needs to feel is your total and complete absence.

Have your lawyer be the intermediary if there is no one else.

You must block her email addy. The only thing you can hear from her is that she is in NC with her affair partner and wishes to meed the demands of your Plan B letter.

TM, reading your timeline just breaks my heart. So much in such a short amount of time. Your sitch reminds me of Grayclouds. And now he wishes he would have went to Plan B, instead of staying in Plan A when he did.

Hang in there guy. This isn't over yet, I don't think. Too many rash decisions by her in too short of an amount of time.


oh why oh why is there no spellcheck on this forum

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

Weaver -

Thanks for the encouragement....but I am starting to want the D myself. I think about all I have done, all I have sacrificed, all I have given, and how easily I was cast aside. I am 31, intelligent, and have a bright future ahead...she is 37, selfish, and cannot think of anything but her pain. There are too many reasons to not stay with her, and too few to stay.

I deserve better....H3LL, I was even going to play Mr. Mom for 2-3 years while she built her practice...how many men out there would be willing to do that?

I am better than this whole mess. And it feels good!


TM

TM,

You do need a communications conduit. It could be a mutual friend, it could be someone in your family, her family, or even just a friend of hers that would relay messages to you.

I think the letter is good to go. It is well done, one of the best I have seen here. You do have a future, go seek it while she stews in this mess for awhile. I would not be so fast with D, unless you have resources to protect, then by all means do that.

Time to pull the trigger TM. Where in TX are you planning on heading back to?

God Bless,

JL

TM, Really good PB letter. The only thing I didn't see is something about prerequisite to ending Plan B - giving up OM. I agree with the advice you've gotten about having someone as an intermediary, not e-mailing.

Go to Texas. Live your life. If she doesn't end A and come home, you're right, you do deserve better than what you're getting. You're obviously caring and intelligent and will be fine however this turns out.

JL ans LetSTry -

Thank you for the advice...I will have to think very hard about who could be the intermediary....

I will most likely end up in Austin, to resume my studies at the University of Texas - better late than never.

Thanks again to all that have replied thus far - I really appreciate it....

TM

TM,

UT is a great school. Of course I got one of my degrees there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I really do like Austin a lot, although it sure has grown over the past decades. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .

Hope things work out for you TM.

God Bless,

JL