My wh wants to come back home. He wants to reconcile. He says there is no comparison between the OW and me-I new all this she is a 24yr old twit it just took him a yr to figure this out. Anyway he has started to fill out the EN questionnaire and I think I can even get him to go to MC and listen to me read him HN/HN he can read he is just lazy. BUT I am very guarded and would not call this recovery because he has not come to the point of NC. He understands my need for him to have nc. He does not want to lose her as a worker, she is the only reliable help he has. She is LBng all over the place and he has not ended the relationship but it is eminent.

I think I know what to do -- but any feed back would be appreciated.

tdr

Get excited when the affair is over and NC has held for a few weeks.

RIght now the affair is still active,he is justifying keeping OW as an employee yet you are hopeful.

Why are you hopeful ? Have you exposed to OWs Spouse or signifcant other ?

WS cake-eat to an olympic standard and your H will do anything, tell any lie, kiss ny @ss to get back with you and keep OW on the side.

You must intervene with exposure, or plan A with boundary enforcement IMO.

Don;t hope, CREAT Eyour next step !

All blessings.

No, without NC there can be nothing between you.

Hold out for complete and total NC.

Otherwise as Bob as said, there is NO point, and only backsliding and more pain for you.

No NC = no you, period!

"He does not want to lose her as a worker"

Bullcookies.The homewrecking OW HAS to go if there is to be ANY recovery.There are plenty of reliable people out there who need work.Otherwise nothing has changed.Don't agree to WH coming home or any recovery as is.Don't back down.

O

TDR - not much to add to what bob and weaver have said, just re-iterate some things. Sadly I agree that he sounds like he is sitting on the fence at present eating lot's of cake!!! Whilst I allowed my FWS to cake eat, we never got a real shot at recovering. Why would we, she was getting her needs met by two people.

These are suggestion taken from my own disater story (with the benefit of hindsight;)

1. Expose the A to the OM's partner if she has one or consider telling her family and close friends.
2. Whilst there is any form of contact, phone, e-mail, physical, etc, then there is no chance of recovery.
3. Be strong and stick to your plan B. when I went dark and cut all contact with WS it drove her insane. Made her start to realise what she was about to lose.

Also, remember while he is sh1tcanning her to you, he still seeing her and possibly doing likewise to her about about you. I found out that my FWS and OM were both regularly trash talking myself and his spouse. To this day I have not had the heart to tell the OP's spouse the extnt of what was said as they have a child to consider and i think it's part of their justification for the A.

On the positive side, he sounds like he is coming around to the realisations that;
1) He has screwed up
2) Pretty young thing is no match for you
3) More importantly the FOG is lifting!!!

You just need to decide if you want him back, and if you do shake damn hard to get him him off the fence!!!