Okay up until the last few days H has been doing everything well to show me he wants to make things up to me and then his health and stress levels have taken a plummet.

So he distances, we actually had a fight, and then he asked for space and I gave it to him. Today I saw him and he seems removed from me. Then told me he was going to a town a few hours away to visit a friend (woman who is a friend of his best friend). I have never met this woman - but I know he has been talking to her lots about his friends troubles and his own.

She invited him. I went all hollow inside. Everything just hit bottom and felt wrong. I have tried not to put any of my needs out there while he is going through withdrawal of other woman. I just couldn't let this go though. I told him that I felt very bad about this and if he went it would cause me stress. He agreed not to go.

He did however say that he needed to do this his way (not my way) and that I couldn't make decisions for him or try and control - I told him I have tried very hard not to pressure at all and in fact have followed his lead in everything and I wasn't trying to control - just that him going to see this woman caused me great alarm.

Then he told me he is renting out his basement since he is never there to a woman who won't be there on the weekends (the only time he is home).

The strange thing is - he met this woman the day of our son's surgery and never said a word to me about going to meet her. He checked her references. She moves in tomorrow - that's only a few days since he met her.

I had never heard a word of this until the day of our son's surgery - and then it was a question - should I rent out my basement? He had just come back from meeting her - but never said anything. He asked for my key to his house to give her. When I hesitated (overreacting?) he said I will cut you another one if you like. I told him that was his choice.

He had no obligation to tell me. We are not together. We have not agreed to try a recovery yet - in fact we just finally got out MB books today - we have been waiting over three weeks since he ended affair with OW.

I am just sick - this is screaming at me that he has made up his mind and he has decided against recovery - and yet when I point blank told him that's how I felt. He said he has made no decisions - he is just scared and but he doesn't want to sabotage a chance we have. He thinks the talking we do is moving to fast into a recovery and he isn't sure that's right yet.

Am I overreacting. . . or am I making excuses for signs that are obvious.

Please someone tell me. I am going crazy here.

He just left and took our kids to dinner. I was not invited. I just finished bawling and I am caught smack in the middle of my flight or fight responses.

Okay if I could withdraw this. I probably would.

He was gone a 1/2 hour. Came back - dropped off the kids (they had fast food instead going out for dinner). Took his marriage builders book, kissed me on the forehead and told me he was going to go to his house and read it.

He looked more like my H, again. Stressed by caring, less distance. I feel like a fool for how freaked I was an hour ago.

I am such an idiot. Going to hang out in idiotville.

Ticket for one for the rollercoaster!