You each have started threads recently that have been on my mind. I have wished and wished that I could bring these things up to my husband but it felt so impossible.

Nikko, yours was a thread about your H and forgiving himself...the title was "I am calling on everyone".... and I let it slide down but never forgot it. Today, after picking my brain, I found it. I had a hard time remembering who started it at first, and then I couldn't seem to remember the title, as I thought it had the word forgiving in it.

My h, like yours is a stuffer and it drives me crazy! I also don't think he has forgiven himself or really come to terms with why the A's (3) happened. It has been on my mind ever since I first read it.

Jelly,

Yours was a thread just the other day about ownership. I replied to you and told you that I wish my H was in such a place as you...and you told me to print it out and just show it to him and talk to him.

Well, this morning, after some very tense days, I asked him if he had forgiven himself for the A. He said, "you keep asking me that and I don't know". He was not upset or anything, just thinking. I told him that I had read a couple of threads recently about forgiveness and ownership and that they were really good. He got a funny look on his face and said, "I would like to read them".

Yippee Skippy Happy Day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am so thankful to both of you and so many here who keep sharing their stories and struggles for those of us who can't seem to put in words what we need.

I am so happy that he is willing to consider this...I have needed for soooo long to get to this place...just to be willing to look a little deeper and see whats there.

Oh, it feels good.

Thanks again!

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 07:29 PM: Message edited by: marriedandlonely* ]</small>

dear married and lonely---glad something i posted helped. i pray for all the souls on here daily. what jelly posted was right on,but it is a tough spot to get to. forgiving yourself and standing up and saying i am better than that. i deserve better and actually doing what is necessary to get there. i applaud her and the work shes done on herself to get there.

Married & lonely,

I'm so glad this worked for you. I hope your H will take it all in, and soul search and come to the place I am at. I really believe marriages can be saved even after infidelity. When I read that he would read it, I got goose bumps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I will be hoping and praying for your recovery.

The WS really needs the BS to be the lighthouse, I'm so impressed time and time again by the strength and determination of the BS on MB. You all fight the natural instinct to curl into the fetal position, and cry why me, you take a stand for your M, and somehow you transform into the lighthouse. You are all very inspirational to me, as human beings. I want to be as strong of individual as you all seem to be.

I love the BS, and my heart breaks for you. I will do everything I can to help you through your darkest time in life.

M&L, Very kind of you to post this, thank you.

Nikko, thank you as well for the kind words. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jelly

Nikko,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> glad something i posted helped </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, it did! It was just what I needed when I needed it. Also, as I re-read the thread I remembered a long time ago, when I first started this horrible journey, that you had mentioned the "elephant in the room". That was the first time I had heard that phrase and it is so true. We entertain a lot of elephants! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> We go to great lengths not to disturb our elephants, we don't make them move, clean up after themselves, nothing. They just get to sit there, anywhere they want, and do nothing. Good thing we like elephants <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . And they are cute!

How is your H doing? Are things better for you and him now? I hope so!

Jelly,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm so glad this worked for you. I hope your H will take it all in, and soul search and come to the place I am at. I really believe marriages can be saved even after infidelity. When I read that he would read it, I got goose bumps. I will be hoping and praying for your recovery.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope he will get to that place too. I know he doesn't want to be where he is. He said he is embarrased that "it" happened. So, maybe we can find a way to get past that and get better. I hope I can keep writing about progress that will give you goosebumps!! And thanks! for the prayers.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The WS really needs the BS to be the lighthouse, I'm so impressed time and time again by the strength and determination of the BS on MB. You all fight the natural instinct to curl into the fetal position, and cry why me, you take a stand for your M, and somehow you transform into the lighthouse. You are all very inspirational to me, as human beings. I want to be as strong of individual as you all seem to be.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When I read this I was gonna write something like....I'm not a lighthouse, I didn't do anything, I was just too scared to leave, didn't know what else to do bla, bla, bla.

Instead, I want to say that I have learned a lot since the A. About me! I have learned what I need, what I am worth, that I am important, that I have boundaries and that's o.k., that it is o.k. if I express myself (and I have learned to do it nicely!) and so much more.

I went through the fetal position and being so sick I couldn't function, the pain, the depression. Ugh.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I love the BS, and my heart breaks for you. I will do everything I can to help you through your darkest time in life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have helped me already. I am out of the darkest time...heading for more light I hope! Thank you. Your H is a lucky feller.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "elephant in the room". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We named our elephant, Peanut. The Mayor in I-ville tried desperately to kill him, once he would leave our house for a couple of days he would show up to somebody else's place, haven't heard from him in months, I'm sorry the little bas$#@% is at your house.

Talk him out of there, he HATES communication.

I can not even begin to tell you how much my H has changed. I have never known it to be possible for a person to change so much. He has, he has inspired me, and he is my lighthouse. I consider myself to be very lucky, but I will agree, he is a lucky man, never been able to say that before. I've come along ways.

I will keep watching for your progress.

Jelly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

married---oh i wish i could post we are doing great and everything is all the way it should be. but, alas, that just wouldnt be my life. he is still running as fast as he can from all his problems, problem is---darn pesky things keep following him. is still trying on occasion, for certain things, to blame it all on someone else. he couldnt call, or come home on time, or whatever....blah blah blah. ive given up hope of things really changing. so i told him we would get through this weekend,(big party here--from tonight till monday) and i would let him know on tues if he is even welcome or wanted in my life anymore. lots of things have led up to this but i think im just plum outta whatever i need to keep hanging on. just been too long, ya know what i meen?

so hun---if i can give you one piecr of advice---go after them elephants, hunt them down and destroy them....hopefully together---but if not...then like me---alone! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />