Anyone

Could you please take a look at the Plan B letter under that section Plan A and Plan B. Please give me any comments you may have. Scroll down to the bottom to see it.

Thanks

Jerry

Jerry - I read your Plan B letter. You have the right idea, but I doubt that it will sink in with your wife if she is still drinking. She is the only one that can make the decision to stop.

Stick with us, and read and post here so that you can get strong and healthy. You have a lot of pain and sadness to work through. But the good part is that you and your children can emerge from this and have a happy family. Then maybe your wife will decide to join you.

Jerry,

Bumping for you.

Can you paste it over here? I had a really hard time finding it, didn't even know we had that forum.

Blessedtime tells how to make a link to your thread so others can click it on from this forum.

It is in the infidelity diet thread.

Blessings to you Jerry!

posted 30-01-2005 10:59 PM
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A little history
H 46
W 40
Dated for 3 years
M 1982
DS-1983
DD-1993
WH- 1984-1987
BS-1984?-1987
H-Treated for alcoholism Aug1986-Still sober
W-Treated for alcoholism 1988,2001,2003,2004
W-Sober until 1999
WS-2003 EA? PA-Caught together in July and Nov of 2004
Seperated in Nov 2004 until the present
FWH-Al-Anon/AA/Church/Trying to work Plan A while enforcing boundries-gently

I am asking for help with this because I do not seem to get anywhere. The alcoholism mimics the affairs and I can not tell the difference without physically verifying information. Its just not possible to do that. All the lies and deception is still in place even though she swears there has been NC. The alcoholism keeps all the LB's alive that were present during the A. I am at the point where I chose not to live in limbo anymore. My WS is so far into the fog of both addictions at this point that I can't tell what is going on. Being seperated has only made it next to impossible to verify anything.

I have mixed the two addictions in my Plan B letter and would greatly appreciate comments. Is it too much? Not fair? ???

PLEASE RESPOND ASAP

Dear WS

There are so many issues out in front of us that is is no wonder it's confusing as to what's going on. I apologize to you for my part in helping to create this mess.

I know over the past years I have pursued "material things" foolishly trying to keep our family happy. The cost to the family was great but even greater to our relationship. I know I haven't always been emotionally available for you. I know I haven't helped as much as I could around the house or with DS and DD. I apologize to you for my part in helping to create an evironment where your two addictions are possible. Even at this point I can't seperate the two from each other. I was not there when you needed me the most and we are now both suffering for my mistakes.

I am willing to take what I have learned from past mistakes and try to create with you a new life for both of us where our needs could be met very well. I can't do this until your relationship with both addictions has ended.

Until that happens I will have no contact with you. I will not be able to help you with money. I will sign off the yellow checkbook and that can be yours.

Your Dad and Mom have agreed to help with any arrangements with the children. We agreed with DD -Every other day at 7 PM. I am still agreeable to this arrangement. Should an emergency arise call my cell phone. I promise I would do the same for you.

Please respect my descision to seperate from you this way. The alcohol and A with OM has caused a lot of suffering not only for me but the children as well. I love you WS but I simply can't keep going under the conditions as they are. Not knowing if it's alcohol, continuation of the A or a combination of both tears me apart.

As soon as you are willing to permanentely seperate from both addictions and are willing to take strong measures to ensure total seperation I will be willing to talk to you about the future.

I would love to rebuild our marriage some day. I want to be able to meet your needs and avoid at all costs doing anything that would hurt you. We have the ability to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do together makes us happy. Working towards that goal together would take hard work and effort but then there would never be a reason to seperate again. I would like to keep my soul mate status. I want to stay your best friend and the person who is always there when you need me.

I've loved you through our twenty five years and I continue to love you right up to this moment. I just can't be with you or continue to help you as long as alcohol and OM are in your life.

I have always love you

Jerry

WOW - good luck

Moved the letter over here since it was hard to find.

LOOKING for comments good or bad.

Would this be trying to fix her or a boundry?

Jerry

Tanelornpete

No doubt I will be there but shes a tough nut to crack.

Seh knows All this treatment stuff and AA Bull.
I think it actually makes it harder for her.

Try to talk to you tonight

Thanks for the support.

Jerry