Sounds like you need to take care of you right now Realator.

That is what I am doing now.

no late night last night--

erm, well - that is to say, no late night worrying. Had a bit of feelings of remorse last night.

Recovery can be a bugger. On the one hand I am eccstatic that I have not lost the love of my life. On the other hand, i think about the moral lines that had to be crossed and wonder if she could ever be trusted again.

If you are struggling with this same issue, maybe this might help:

In any really tough fight, you can COUNT on insurmountable dangers and pain. You need to keep your eyes on your goal and not focus on the pain if you are to survive.

We had this close quarter battle instructor that gave us alot of insight into this mentality. He specifically reffered to the rediculous false confidence that many self-defence sham courses "offer". Nothing is wrong with their techniques, but the mentality is a gross perversion of the truth. You will cannot WIN a serious fight.

Perpetuating such a foolish belief ensures the following pattern: You create and mentally reinforce a false belief that you will never get hurt. This belief never survives "first contact."

When you DO get hurt, it will produce profound mental shock. Things are NOT going to happen the way you believed, and you are about to be seriously hurt (anyone BS's these forums been hurt unexpectedly and went into severe mental shock?) This shock produces an inability or unwillingness to act, and you will do NOTHING to save yourself.

Rather, surviving these fights means that you must be prepared to do what it takes to SURVIVE.

To me, this is the same key principle to surviving the fight to recover a marriage.



Last night, this meant talking with Deeply until about 3 a.m. despite a day of some hard feelings that had me down; unwilling to keep fighting for this.

The funny thing is that I have discovered that I don't need to have that instinctual trust to risk recovery with her. I just need to listen to the advice you see all over these forums.

"Don't pay attention to what they say. Pay attention to what they do."

Deeply's actions have been consistent with someone who is truly remorseful of their actions. This doesn't make the fight easy. But it does make it make sense...

<small>[ February 06, 2005, 10:24 AM: Message edited by: sprint ]</small>

Thank you sprint -mine is cking my car out today -hasn't done that in 2 yrs. That is great and makes me feel better. Still have my eyes wide open and ready to move into plan B if anything else comes up. He is listening to me now / today and yesterday. He knows my feeling for him have changed. He also knows I can live without him - I choose tostay wtih him. Not sure of the love yet. Heart is in hiding but with our history it was a love affair that was for over 19 years and hoping it will come back to me.

Good to hear from you realtor. Glad to hear that your actions have had some impact.

I know the toughest part of recovery for me was the same as everyone else; moving past feeling powerless or unwilling to act.

To me, it gives reinforcement to my confidence that I will survive this, scars and all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ February 06, 2005, 10:25 AM: Message edited by: sprint ]</small>

Just done afternoon workout.

Damn does it help with morale. Takes you out of that low spot to something more about caring for yourself again.

Decided today to keep logging my thoughts in this thread. Not so much just for late nights, but for "down" times.

cheers

Hey Sprint !

I just got back from my evening workout too. I absolutely recommend exercise to anyone going through infidelity.

Its helped me with stress enormously, it allows me to think without obsessing while doing rhythmic exercise and helps keep he healthy and attractive which important for my self worth.

If you wanted to take this thread as your journal, did you know you can edit the first post on the thread and rename the thread ? You can do this many times. I used to rename my journal with a new eyecatcher when anything big happened for me to journal.

What did ya train to ?

I had 'rust never sleeps' by neil Young and Crazy Horse. Fantastic album.

Biita Van Halen. Classic David Lee Roth era stuff, not the follow ons...

Its been nice. intensity is starting to come back on the running.

I go to bed physically tired instead of mentally tired. As we used to say it, "a change is as good as a break."

What do you do in the UK?

Sprint, Are you an X Pickly? Used to know some based in Victoria way back when.

I ADORE DLR -era Van Halen ! Saw 'em in '79 supporting Black Sabbath when they got three encores and Sabbath's roadies had to switch off the amps !Saw 'em again in '80 in the "Women and children first" tour.

Man, I still remember the utter shock of hearing " running with the devil/Eruption/You really got me" when my friend Tony Manns leant me his VH1 album ! I was completely blown away !

Absolutely crap with Hagar though. Yet I loved Montrose and Hagars solo stuff.
DLRs 'eat 'em and smile' was as good as any Halen album I thought.

I work for Big Blue as a negotiator when big accounts go bad in EMEA. Just took on this job as its more family friendly than my previous one in IBM.

My boss has been unbelievably brilliant through this affaor crisis. She gave me a months' sabbatical on near full pay when the meteor first hit. She'd been a BS you see, and was so sympathetic and full of great advice its untrue.

Hugely powerful VP in IBM and called me twice a week to see if I needed anything. Bless her. "When God doesn;t come, he sends", as my Mom used to say.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

In fact thats made me think - I'm really getting back into the swing of work now after six months in the wilderness. Thats progress. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sprint, Are you an X Pickly? Used to know some based in Victoria way back when.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Spent my last years in the infantry teaching at the Battle school in Wainwright.

Had some mates in Vic 10 years back, before they closed the barracks there. Mostly amalgamated in Edmonton now.

Bob, too right about end of the DLR era. Black Sabbath was a favorite of mine. Ozzy still rocks despite a desperately dull reality show about him now. Oddly, despite how haggard he is, when he gets on stage, its still "showtime."

I am the head engineer for a wireless communication provider in Alberta, Canada. We have about 1000 mi of fiber infrastructure, weaved with a matrix of last mile radio systems. Mostly oil clients. Its fulfilling, but not super exciting.

Night time falls again. This message goes out to everyone out there who may be feeling a little bit lonely, hurt, or scared tonight.

Back in the early days of navigating the globe, sailors used to use the stars to tell them how to get to their destination and then back home again. In the Northern hemisphere they used the North Star, while down under they used the Southern Cross.
Anytime they felt lost and alone, they could look up into the sky and find their way.

Tonight, take walk outside, take a deep breath of air and just look up. if you can see the big dipper, look up off its cusp to the north star.

Close your eyes and think about all the people here in MB offering you their support and prayers, and realize that you are not alone in this.

And from this day forward, when you get scared or lonely - just look up into the sky and find your way home.

<small>[ February 06, 2005, 10:49 PM: Message edited by: sprint ]</small>

sprint,

What a lovely post about the night stars. Being the nightowl that I am, I have always been a late night walker, and I can't tell you how many times I've looked up at the silver lady in the sky and thought, "That same moon shines on Bob and RIF and Kiwi and aussie and AW...all my late night buddies."

Most of the folks who post here late nights are not necessarily night owls--just on the other side of the globe (haha!). Me...I'm a true night owl. You know, it's funny. I've always been more of a night person than a morning person (sunlight! burns! coffee!!), but my sleeping patterns really changed once my exH had his major PA in 1999. At the time, I stayed up for days at a time, couldn't sleep--all the usual stuff--and I figured eventually that old 8hr. sleep pattern would return. It never did! Eventually after a couple years, I just accepted it...I just AM part vampire! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

So...with your permission I would like to look at our lady the moon and know that she's the same moon shining down on your and yours.


FNCJ

I am a night owl (vampire?) also....

When I go out for a project (in the construction industry- kinda) I go to work at 3 or 4 in the afternoon, and will work until the sun comes up sometimes. I get so much more done that way! Maybe I am not a night owl, just a major loner! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I am at peace tonight after delivering my plan B letter, so maybe I can finally help somebody else, lord knows I have rec'd so much help here...

A quick night-owl credential quiz....know who Art Bell/George Noory are?

TM

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 12:50 AM: Message edited by: TravellinMan ]</small>

Sprint, thank you for that thought.

I don't know what could have meant more tonight. This is the second night since WW left, and it's really hard. I just went outside and stood ther looking at the dipper and cried my eyes out

David

Travellin Man,

Who DOESN'T know who Art Bell is?? That's EASY!! He's the radio host who has all the original X Files, isn't he? haha!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I can't tell you how many times I've stayed up listening to his show in the middle of the night (say 3am) SCARED OUT OF MY PANTS!! What fun. I have to admit, I have not yet gotten into the new guy as much, but I suspect I'll get there.

David,

Since you're up, I have a question for you that has been bugging me for a couple of days now. WHAT is your screen name? I can not figure it out for the life of me, and trust me, late at night I've had time to puzzle it out. FWIW, my screen name used to be FaithfulWife, but since I've been divorced almost 2 years and I'm no longer a wife, I had a contest and the winner was FaithfulNewCJ.

Little hugs to you both! You're doing good (even though you may feel like you're in the meat grinder). ((Travelin')) ((David))


FNCJ

David -

I hope you are better tonight....I am going to try to be here most every night for 1)the great support of the people here, and 2)to keep me from going out and drinking too much. I have been way to self destructive over the last two months. My liver is probably really pi$$ed off at me right now....

I hope you find peace - try to direct your energies here, at church, or with your children. You can't change your WW, you can only change yourself.

TM

FNCJ -

I like to listen for entertainment value - some of the guests these guys have on....boy are they WAY out there...George is a pretty good guy, though.

Thanks for the hugs!

Back at ya!

(((FNCJ)))

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FaithfulNewCJ:
<strong> Travellin Man,

David,

Since you're up, I have a question for you that has been bugging me for a couple of days now. WHAT is your screen name? I can not figure it out for the life of me, and trust me, late at night I've had time to puzzle it out. FWIW, my screen name used to be FaithfulWife, but since I've been divorced almost 2 years and I'm no longer a wife, I had a contest and the winner was FaithfulNewCJ.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you mean what does it mean??

TM - I have to watch the sauce too - it's so tempting right now that I poured out all the liquor in the house last night and threw away the bottles. Like is hard enough without complicating it....