He isn't writing to his son, he starts out that way and ends up writing about how he interacts with other youths. What an insult that must be to your child. Expect your chlid to pick up on that point. How awful!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He thinks it is ok to flaunt that he spends time with other people's children, helping other people's children and then have the gall to brag about it to his children? Is that going to score dad points?

Please reassure your children of your love for them. You are the one there for them to give them the love and support they desparately need and deserve.

That man is insulting to his family. Don't think he even realizes it. Too fogged. He is probably proud of his letter. How sad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Let your children know how precious they are to you and how proud you are of their individual accomplishments. I know you are already doing so. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

Thanks Orchid for your reply!

His students are soldiers, ongoing NCO's, he teaches at a military academy, can you imagine that?

Good role model isn't it? So sad! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

He used to be a great dad to his children but just because of some st°°°° OW he meets in a bar, it is all gone!
I don't see how you can mess up your family's life for a little bit of lust! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

But as you say Orchid; fog!

Is there any more hope for us? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Raven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

There is no hope as long as your H remains as the WS. But there is hope if your H fights his way out.

So is there hope? Yes. Until you know your H is dead, there is hope. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Right now you have to step back and let him be a jerk. You can't stop him from being a fool. He is doing a good job of that all by himself.

Just stay out of his way when he points the finger. STay out of his line of fire.

BTW, it doesn't matter who his students are. His children see him spending time with those he teaches and he is not teaching them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

L.

Thanks Orchid!

Mortarman advised me to go and talk to IG to have them take care of business but I am kind of afraid, that that would lead straight to divorce since it would affect his reputation at work and make him mad if he were to find out that I initiated that!

Or would that maybe be the best way for him to get out of her influence and therefore the fog <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Any opinion on that Orchid?

Take care <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Raven

One more thing Orchid, we did not reply to his email and I don't plan on initiating any contact with him as long as the kids don't ask me to.

But I did not give him a Plan Bletter yet, since mortarman thinks I need to expose his A first with the IG.

Do you think that is o.k., I mean not to reply to him and just kind of ignore him?
Yesterday the kids mailed him a couple of photos and some cards for Valentine's day but nothing from me, I hope that was o.k. but I do think so, right!?

Bye

Raven

Raven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Raven,

U do what is best for you. The WS will continue to spew fog and stupidity until he stops being such.

Your children have the right to communicate with their father. If they can, they should.

There is no right or wrong on this matter. It is more what you feel safe with.

Just remember that often communication by the BS to the WS can result in a let down and depressive times for the BS. Anxiety attacks could even result in some cases.

When communication is accepted from the WS to the BS, the same could result.

So just be careful. If you don't feel strong enough to handle communication and important family (non R or M) issues are not involved, then you have the option not to communicate.

JMHO,
L.

Thanks Orchid,

now here is his next email, this time to our 4 year old daughter!

Hello ***,

How are you? I'm hanging in there. My class that I am teaching will graduate this week, so I'll be happy because I can get some rest. I hope you enjoyed your weekend, I tried. Didn't get much sleep because I went to work Saturday Morning. How are the cats doing? I hope well. Well I goto go for now. I will try to call this week. Take care, I love you and miss you.


Love
Papa


Poor man, he's got it so hard,
doesn't he?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Raven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

Raven,

So tell me, when was the last time you heard someone say to a 4 year old.... 'did you have a nice weekend'? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> More like, did you have fun, go to the park, see a movie, etc.? Specific things. Oooh this is just a small point but it shows he is really out of touch with his children.

Wonder if he is going to ask the children if they have done his taxes yet? LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I would read it to your children and let them decide what to say in response. For the little one, type exactly what she says. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Even when she asks what did daddy mean when he said: ______ or what is _______?

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How are the cats doing? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The age appropriate part of his message ~LOL~

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I will try to call this week.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yoda says :There is no "try" only "do".

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Thanks Orchid,

that's just what I'm gonna do!
He really does not know them anymore nor does he know anything about them!

Not about school or anything and the sad part is that he doesn't even ask!
He has not seen them since last year july for 1 day and before that 10 days in April.
And that by his free will because since I am a flight attendant I did even send him tickets to come see us and I offered him for us to come see him but he always had some excuse not to come <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> .

Again, so sad but true! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Good night everybody, it's late over here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Raven

Thanks Orchid,

that's just what I'm gonna do!
He really does not know them anymore nor does he know anything about them!

Not about school or anything and the sad part is that he doesn't even ask!
He has not seen them since last year july for 1 day and before that 10 days in April.
And that by his free will because since I am a flight attendant I did even send him tickets to come see us and I offered him for us to come see him but he always had some excuse not to come <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> .

Again, so sad but true! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Good night everybody, it's late over here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Raven

Hi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ,

WH again forwarded one funny short movie and one kind of a personality cartoon character test to our son.

Not one written word on it, so our son took the test and send him the result back as the test says.
But of course also with no written message to it, just the result forwarded back! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

By now I am getting real tired with these games
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> and tonight I'm trying to find out the Sergeant Major's telephone number.
At least that way I can find out if my husband really talked to him about getting a reassignment to Germany.

Well, got to go for now

Take care <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Raven

Me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

Hi,

today is Valentine's day, not a happy one tough!
Another weekend went by with nothing but a forwarded cartoon character test and some more forwarded little films on friday (one of them a kickboxer that breaks his leg while kicking), real good for a 10 year old to watch! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Other then that nothing, not the promised phone call to the children from last week, nothing.
Oh wait, today I picked up a package from the mailroom, addressed to the children and mailed from the walmart mail center in my WS's name with two packs of candy and two cuddly toys packed in a walmart plastic bag, no card, no wrapping, nothing.
Some of it was already broken, since it was not packed careful enough.
Can you buy things at walmart and have them mail it too?

I still can't believe that WH drives around in a corvette but can't afford to call his kids once in a while and is now already 2 months overdue on his military Star card?
Maybe I really need to file for divorce soon, since he does not seem to care for us and cannot pay his bills anymore, we might be the first ones he cuts of financially and to be on the safe side it be good to have a paper stating how much he'll have to pay us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Mortarman, I know for the separation time he'll have to pay us the BAH but that would by far not be enough to pay the mortgage for our house here in Germany and if we get divorced, he'll have to pay us about half his pay.

I work part-time as well and I don't see why I should start working more right now, since the judge would only deduct what I make more from what he has to pay me, so nono <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Just so he can live a better life with the OW and her children? Hell no <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Today he should receive our childrens Valentine's day package with the phone cards they send and the scrapbooks they made for him, so I am kind of curious to see, if he is gonna call, since he does not have the excuse about the lack of money to call now?!

If he calls and wants to talk to me, how should I respond?

Well, got to go for now, you all take care and have a great Valentine's Day anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ravenclaw

me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

<small>[ February 14, 2005, 08:28 AM: Message edited by: Ravenclaw ]</small>

Ravenclaw,
Were you able to get the SGM's phone number?

I just used google.com for my state and army and though I didn't see any phone numbers, like for an operator/information line, there is a "contact us" link at the bottom.

So, google your H's state and the school he's in and see what turns up. If you can't get any email links there, try the state and the branch of the military. If there is a contact link or a Family Support link, use it.

I don't see how you can be any worse off by contacting the SGM. Your H isn't sending you money, he isn't in regular contact, he is living with the OW and spending money on her and his car.

You aren't "getting him in trouble". He chose to do what he's doing, he chose a troubled life. There are consequences to poor choices and he happens to work somewhere (US Military) that poor personal choices can have career implications.

If he supports his family financially, doesn't live with the OW...he won't be in trouble anymore. His career circumstances are within his control--unless he choses to continue not supporting his family and screwing around with the OW, then that's his choice and he will suffer from it.

And, you won't actually be any worse off. He still won't call, but he may be be forced to financially support his children.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

He isn't leaving you a lot of choices--accept his disregard, or see if you can change it.

Raven,

I think you need to take steps to ensure that you get the most financially according to the law.

Some others may disagree with me, but I think you should file for legal sep in Germany as you said you will be awarded more if you file first.

This man is living with OW, and almost totally ignoring his own children, not to mention his wife.

Hi Weaver and LOR,

Thanks for your replies!
I did get the SGM's telephone number but did not dare to call yet.

I might not have said that right; so far he provides financially for us but my fear is, since he is overdue with his credit card payments, that I will be the first one to suffer for it.

Or is it good for his Affair if he is constantly short on money?
I will for sure start to send all the mail from the children to him to his home address, where he lives with the OW because for the last couple of months we always send everything to the schoolhouse because she would always let our mail disappear but now I think more like I want to do whatever I can to piss the OW off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think he really does not care and just wants to keep the backdoor open just in case; I have to admit that I would like to know from the SGM if my WH really talks to him about coming back here... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
To find that out, I'd have to call him anyway!

Well, I still don't know what to do but I hope <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I'll get there soon!

You all take care, this is not my day!

Raven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

Hi again,

our son just asked me if I could help him write a letter to his dad and I told him of course!

But now this is what he wants to write;

Hallo Papa,
I don't like what you are doing and the fact that you only forward me stuff instead of writing me something or calling me!
You don't care about us anymore or do you know anything that is going on in my life or my sister's?
My sister still talks about you every day and tells people how much she loves you and that you are coming bck soon but you know what; I think you will never come back because you don't want to.
The way you act is not the way my dad used to act, you are not at all like my dad anymore, you are careless or maybe you care more for other people now.
My dad always took care of us, be proud of us and take us places, you do not even call us anymore or give a s... about us, those stupid packages you send, just thrown in the box.
Then stay where you are...if that is what you want


your son *****

Should I even email this or better not? Any advice? Of course my WH will know, that I had to help him with writing this into the computer...

Raven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

<small>[ February 14, 2005, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: Ravenclaw ]</small>

<<<Bump>>> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Let your son write it out long hand. You keep a copy of the original and the typed copy in your computer.

My son did the same thing. This way your WS will know it is your son's thoughts. Your son has the right to speak his mind. Let him.

This is therapeutic for your child to be able to express himself.

I am sorry it has come down to this. My son wrote a letter to his dad when he was only 6 years old. He said it was because he was too embarressed to talk to his dad. In reality he was too ashamed of what his father was doing. AT the time, he used the word embarressed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Our children are smart whips. They should not be silenced.

They are the voices of truth.

take care,
L.

Hi Orchid <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ,

thanks for your reply, I'll do just that!
But also I tried to call my WH's SGM yesterday and his secretary asked me all kinds of questions, like what it was about and about whom and stuff like that.
Well, I told her it was a private matter and so she put me on hold and when she came back, she told me the SGM had to be at a meeting in 10 minutes and if she could take a message.
I told her no and said I WOULD CALL BACK LATER.
I did not! By the way, I did not give her my real name, I used my friends family name instead(she was sitting right next to me to support me) because there were so many voices in that office.

Last summer I tried once to talk to my WH's 1SG and gave his secretary my real name and guess what happened; I never made it through to the 1SG but therefore my WH called me 4 minutes later, asking me why I was trying to call his 1SG!

See what I mean?
I feel right now like I will just go and file for the divorce and send him the paperwork, all this does not make sense to me anymore, since my WH does not at all give us any input and he is right there with the OW and her children, not giving us the slightest chance to meet with him here or there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

If he does not even want to see his kids on Xmas, why would he really file paperwork for an assignment back to Germany?
That's what I would have liked to find out from his SGM and now that I heard how many people were in his SGM's office yesterday I do not believe my WH anymore, that he in fact would have taken his cell to his office to let me talk to him, like he made it look to me (Oh, it's lunchtime and he is not in, what a coinsident) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I don't think it will do much good to get his chain of command involved because it will just make him mad and he already does not give a s*** about us anyway, so I at least need to try get as much financial support from him as possible.
If he looses his job or rank, I will get less support, so....

However, I cannot go on like this much longer, it is draining me and I feel pretty worthless right now!
And a Plan B won't work for me either, so... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Take care Orchid, LOR and mortarman and thanks again!

Raven


me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004