I got His Needs / Her Needs yesterday and was up half the night reading it. It is a WONDERFULLY enlightening book. I thought I was such a great husband but I can see I was not giving my wife what she wanted. (Of course, she did not tell me in the manner a man needs to be told).

I now need to work on getting her back. But, she has done this 3 times to me and is thick in fog.

I would like to get feedback from women that have read the book. What do you think about the perspective on men and on women in the book.?

Well I think in MOST of the major things, they hit women head on.

Here is the realization I made about not meeting my H's needs. I was doing things for him that I wanted him to do for me (which he wasn't) and so eventhough I was trying really hard, I was trying in all the wrong places, as was he, and so it looked like to eachother neither were trying.

When we did our emotional needs questionaire, it was a real eye opener to see what eachother's needs really were.

I too never told my H in the manner I should have - i was critizing of him, rude, demeaning...all in attempts to get what I wanted out of the marriage. I was a TAKER, such a TAKER that I eventaully had the A.

Is your wife reading these books with you? What is her take on them.

You would be amazed at how she might start to react when you start to meet the needs set out in there - most women's major need is that affection need in some sort. I know that they are right about the sex/affection thing - I started to see my H's affection only when he wanted sex, so I pushed his affection away.

Affection needs to come all the time, and its ALL in the little things, the way you say something, the way you do something.

At first she may not even react to them - she may think you are nuts, but she will notice, and she will start to feel that affection.

Good luck!

-ds

Deeply Sorry,

Thank you as I need a woman’s advice. My wife has moved out but we stay in contact. Even though we fought during the separation we are now civil to each other. She calls me every once in a while just to talk about things. She has invited me over a couple of times recently but she does not want to talk about the problems.

She just called me at work… We talked for 20 minutes about her problems with her boss. I gave her my complete attention and offered general advice and told her she had to handle it in a manner that is comfortable for her.

My wife does care for me, it is obvious but her LB is not as full as mine.

You are a woman! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> What would you want me to do next if you were my wife? Or do I wait for her? Should I send her a nice note to lift her sprits about her job? I want to give her the affection that she wants and NEEDS!!!!

Keith

A nice note would be nice...just to let her know someone is thinking of her, and someone cares about what she is going through with her boss, no matter how insignificant.

Even if it's just a hope the day gets better note...the gesture of the note would go a long way to let her know you actually care about her complaints no matter how futile they might see.

Best of luck to you - she is calling you for her support, so it means something is still there - even it if it's a friendship - you can start there.

-ds

You might like "The Five Love Languages" if the his needs/her needs struck you so deeply.

I also tried to do for my husband what I wanted done for me.

Be carefully meeting EN's, okay? AT this point they might not be welcome. Anything you do, make sure is on a small scale until you're sure she's receptive.

Last night I brought clothes over for my son. My wife asked me to stay for coffee and we just "chatted". I gave her my full attention.

I then went out and got us ice-cream sundaes.

Wife was very talkative. I assume this is a good sign? Ladies - what should I do next?