Hi all,

I haven't been to this site in months. FWS moved back home 5 weeks ago to make a go at recovery. She is still in withdrawal, still says some pretty foggy things, and is having a tough time with this.
I have a pretty good understanding of the situation as I've posted and read here for many months, but to offer my advice only doesn't seem to help FWS.
This will be a long road, I understand. The problem right now is... FWS says she just doesn't have the feelings she would like to have for me, and doesn't know if or when they will return. She admits that she loves me, but can't understand her lack of desire, or passion. We haven't been intimate at all. It seems she doesn't want to be near me at times. And she admits that I'm doing everything right and I'm wonderful. I know it's a part of withdrawal, but I need some help to explain these feelings to her. At times it seems she is ready to give up,, and I can't go thru that again...this is our third attempt at recovery. This time we seem to really be making an effort, but if it doesn't work this time I fear I will never look back.
I finally got her to read here, so some help would be appreciated. I'm hoping to get her to post herself soon so she can sort out these feelings with all of you experienced MB'rs.

We have been together 18 years, I want to stay together forever. If we make it through these toughest of times I believe we will grow to have a relationship we always dremed about. If we could just make it this time.
Any input would be appreciated.

Joe

JoeC

I asked the same question of our FWWs a while back. Read the answers here.

Will she love me again?

Four months after saying she only ever loved me as a brother, my Squid now professes her love to me with words and deeds every day. FWS CAN come to love FBS once more ! Have hope !

All blessings Joe

Thanks for the quick response Bob. Going to read now...

Joe you are most welcome, mate. Make a pot of coffee, its a very long but GREAT thread.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

All blessings

Hi joe:

First, congra2lations 2 both of you for making the attempt at recovery.

It is good that she says she does love you. The passion will re2rn even2ally. It's the "choice" 2 love one another that will make that possible. (real love is a choice, it's not a feeling).

I would suggest you keep doing what you're doing. Give her the time and your patience 2 figure out what she needs 2 want 2 continue in the M.

Are you in MC? If not, I would suggest that now, more than ever, you should seriously consider working with one of the Harleys or with Penny Tupy.

best,
-ol' 2long

Hi Joe!! I thought she might come back! Great news! Hang in there, her attitude is very very normal. Its about like an alcoholic going through booze withdrawal, it just takes a while for their taste buds to normalize so they gain a taste for Pepsi again. Her feelings will come back gradually as she withdraws from the fantasy. Just hang in there!

Send her here if you want!

2long - thanks for the encouragement.

Mel,
Good to hear from you. I hope all is well on your end. I've been absent from here for a while. Just couldn't take it anymore. I actually gave up, and that is when we decided to give it another shot.

She has been home 5 weeks now. I knew this would be hard, but how hard is another story. We had a rough weekend. She is not as receptive of this site right now. And she is the one that told me about this place last summer. Go figure.

Her emotions, as well as mine, are coming on strong right now. I am trying to be strong and loving, though at times I do make mistakes when we talk, but I guess that's part of the process and learning thru this. It really hurts to watch her struggle. I would do anything to take away the pain and confusion she feels. It seems at times she is willing to give up already...says this isn't fair to me, I'm not happy, she's not happy, etc...

I feel so helpless, so useless, like my hands are tied behind my back at times. There are times when we talk that I don't have the right answers and I get frustrated. I just want to fix everything...it's my nature.

I am praying she finds the strength to hold on until this hardest part of withdrawal is thru. It seems no matter how much I undrstand the situation, I cannot change what she feels or what she may think. I know this, but at times she is so negative that it hurts me as well as scares me that she will give up too soon.

I know she needs time to sort out her feelings, and I try to be patient and understanding. I love her more than anything, and I have come a long way to get where we are now, I don't want to mess this up now. But this weekend was a rough one. Almost makes me not want to bring things up at all, but if you don't communicate your feelings honestly, what have you?
Sorry this was so long. It's good to talk to all of you again, though part of me wishes I never had to find this place to begin with. I guess we all feel that way huh? LOL!!!

Thanks all, best wishes
Joe

Joe, 5 weeks of withdrawal is not very long at all. And I can understand why she doesn't want to talk about your relationship right now. She just is not "there" there. But she will be as long as you don't push her away.

Instead, come here and vent to us. This will get better, I promise you. Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

And yes, I am sorry you have to come here too. But this place can help you.