Hey all! I just needed to "vent". See, I did something and now my FWH is really ticked off. The OW has a website, and I let people know about it, b/c there was a picture of her on there, plus, I figured this woman ruined my life, shouldn't my friends/family see her? Anyway, he is very mad that I would do that, and thinks that I am just being mean, which is probably true. Yet, I am mad at him for being mad, b/c I feel like he owes her nothing, and that she destroyed his life, too.
Sorry for the rambling. Like I said, I just wanted to vent!
True

How does he know?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by noodle:
<strong> How does he know? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL!!!!!

LOL, we wanna see too...LMAO

In any event, I don't see how that could be construed as an LB, really don't. He should know you don't give a rats @ss about her, and neither should he IMO.

Veterans...is it still an LB to do something like this once in recovery?? Criminy.

-Caren

He knows, b/c I, unlike him, am honest about everything. I've told him.
I don't think he should care, either, but what am I to do?
He was just starting to be "mine" again, and now he will probably write to her and tell her that I am the biggest *itch. I usually am not such a vicious person, but she brings out the hate in me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Thanks for the replies!

edited: Oh, also, he is mad, b/c you can email her, and he thinks people are going to say mean things or something, and he thinks this has destroyed her as well. She feels awful about it and all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ February 06, 2005, 09:37 PM: Message edited by: truetoself ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
Veterans...is it still an LB to do something like this once in recovery?? Criminy.

-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not a veteran by any stretch, but that couldn't possibly be a love buster. And I'd get after him a bit about caring what happens to the OW - he should be losing those feelings, not enhancing them by wanting to protect HER. Geez!

This spoken by the idiot who almost made a total [censored] out of himself last night...

Davidiot

Was I Love Busting here?:

She did it to me again, but at least I handled it better this time. She came back to pick up more clothes and her TV, I asked her how she was doing, she said she was really stressed because all of the moving was using up her study time. I remarked how I could see how that could happen. The she told me to quit pressuring her!

I hadn't said anything, so I recognized a fog blow coming. I just said nothing. She went off on how the church wants her to quit this thing (duh!), on how I want our marriage to work (duh!) and how the kids are rejecting her - they didn't even want to go over to see the new place. I know that hurt her, I said, "I'm sorry they don't" She blew up at me then!

Dang! She told me how she is trying to get as far away from me as possible, she never wants to see me again, etc. I just let her blow off steam.

Then she went to the closet, got out some really sexy nightie stuff, packed up a bunch of sexy undies and goes, 'Tonight's going to be a really special night'

That really stung, but all I said was, "I'm glad you hope so." I walked out of the room. I was ready to lose it. She put all the stuff in her car, and I locked the door and turned off the porch light. About 10 seconds later she was ringing the doorbell, pissed off that I had locked it. She had forgotten her glasses. I handed them to her shut the door, locked it again and wlaked off. I could see her calling someone as she slammed her car door and roared off. Hope she doesn't hit something.

Did I handle that correctly, or was I LBing her?

I was really hurting, it took a lot just to stay calm. And I now have a horrible image of my wife in one of my favorite sexy things, and that OM. She's gonna have to throw all that stuff away - there's no way I'd want it back....

Rambling, I guess

David

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, also, he is mad, b/c you can email her, and he thinks people are going to say mean things or something, and he thinks this has destroyed her as well. She feels awful about it and all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Aw, the poor dear. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey....what's the web site? Let us all go check out the homewrecker! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I wish I knew what my WH's OW look like....I hear she looks like the girl from the Grudge. LMAO!!!!

I know, I know.
Anyway, I think you handled yourself with your wife just perfectly. I know that I couldn't do that. I would have never lasted on the Plan A track. My H's affair was already over when I found out. She dumped him. And he's still concerned about her! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I am in awe of all of those who do this while their spouses are still deep in the fog. My H had a more mild case of it, and I lost it a lot in the beginning.
Hope things get better for you!
True

Oh my gosh, I just saw the Grudge! It was scary! I hate horror movies, but it was a "date" for my H and me. He said maybe I would be so scared that I would have to stay with him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I actually screamed at one point!
Anyway, I would give you her website, but again he is mad at me, and she has removed her picture anyway. I guess my family/friends have checked it out and it made her uncomfortable. Maybe she will have to take it down completely!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
True

LOL....I love scary movies! My WH would never go with me so I always went with friends. Now I know why he would never go with me anywhere....he was with "the Grudge". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

That would be a scary person to look at! Man, I see that face in my sleep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

How did she know to remove her picture? Why on earth is your H mad at you for this? He should not be defending the OW at all if you are in true recovery! But I am concerned as to HOW she knew to remove her picture so quickly...did you H call her? If so, why?

I don't know much about having a website, but I guess you can tell there IP address(where they are looking from). Her site is just a small site that isn't looked at very often, so I'm sure she knew it was me or others looking at her. Or maybe she thought he was stalking her. I don't think he has contacted her at all. I would know about phone/computer, b/c I have become quite vigilant, bu I guess I don't know about at work. I guess I have to "trust" him while he is there.
Plus she is a computer person, so she probably knows more about how to figure things out than he layman!

P.S. My H is still mad, even though he is sitting right here and reading everything. I guess maybe we're not as deep in recovery as I thought <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Man - funny...

Listen. Explan to him perhaps then that YOU are the SOLE rightful recipient of his protection. Anthing LESS is emotional infidelity.

This woman was not a good person who just got caught in the sidelines. She is a willing, homewrecking participant. A GROSS mistake at the very best. And you exposed it for the ugly that it is.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by truetoself:
<strong> I don't know much about having a website, but I guess you can tell there IP address(where they are looking from). Her site is just a small site that isn't looked at very often, so I'm sure she knew it was me or others looking at her. Or maybe she thought he was stalking her. I don't think he has contacted her at all. I would know about phone/computer, b/c I have become quite vigilant, bu I guess I don't know about at work. I guess I have to "trust" him while he is there.
Plus she is a computer person, so she probably knows more about how to figure things out than he layman!

P.S. My H is still mad, even though he is sitting right here and reading everything. I guess maybe we're not as deep in recovery as I thought <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">True - even if she was tracking incoming IPs, she would have to know your specific IP in order to know who was there. I would be more suspicious. I'm not trying to be a downer or anything here, but your husband is NOT acting right, and it is my suspicion that HE notified her. That's only my opinion, but in reading your posts, there are some red flags going off in my head. Maybe I'm paranoid - I feel like I AM being stalked by my XOW, but I just wanted to give you a heads up - he may not be recovering as well as you'd like him too.

I hope I am WAY off!

David

Thanks to all the replies about this. My H and I had a big discussion about it after I got offline last night, and this is what he told me:
1. He was upset because I have become so hateful towards someone, and that is not in my general personality.
2. He thought we had gotten rid of her. That she was not a presence in our marriage any longer(it's only been a month and a half).
3. That he feels like he is trying so hard to show me he loves me(which he is), and the email I sent to friend said some pretty hateful things; like I thought I knew what true love was, but since he did this, I guess I have no clue. If someone who truly loved me like my H has always claimed to love me(even during the A) then he would have never done this to me.
So, any FWS out there chime in. We had a GOOD marriage. Neither one of us felt our EN weren't being met. We were still IN LOVE. so how could some one who was in this sitch do this?

T, my H told me that even though you don't know the specific IP address, it will tell you where in the world people are looking at your site. We now live in a different state so maybe that's how she knew. Actually, I don't even know if she took her pic/about story off of there b/c of this, or b/c she and her fiance have broken up over this. For his sake, I hope so. I mean she was cheating on him with not only my H but then she started an EA with a guy from high school after she broke it off with my H! I don't think I would want to go into a marriage like that. PLus, before the A with my H, she had asked her F many times if she could be with a woman also. That to her wasn't an affair, it was just some added fun. Sick woman!

True

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 08:36 AM: Message edited by: truetoself ]</small>

True, there are red flags all over the place here! I am only telling you this, cuz I was blind when I thought we were in recovery as well! I THOUGHT I was so good at tracking my H every move! NOT!

To me, it sounds like your H is still in contact with this OW. Dont want to scare you, but the sings are all there!

Made at YOU
prtecting the OW in your presence
picture mysteriously disappears
and many many more!

WS are very good at hiding, lying to you! Once they lie once, they know they can do it again!
JMO

I am afraid of his lying. I never doubted what he said(obviously), but now I doubt his every word. I don't even know how I could find out if he was lying. He told me that he is willing to let me snoop anywhere I want. I know he knows ways around these things, but I also believe him about her. Plus, even if he wanted to contact her, it sounds like she has already moved onto to her next conquest. She has already started another affair.
I know, I may regret sticking up for him, but he is trying so hard and I really feel like he is back. He explained why he was mad last night, and it ended up not having to do much with her. As a WH, he just doesn't understand how all of us BS want to make our marriages work, yet we want to destroy the OP. He takes full responisiblity for the A. He says, yes, she was VERY aggressive, and totally ignored him telling her no, BUT in the end HE made the decision to carry it farther along. I know he didn't think the EA was wrong; he just thought they were good friends. To be honest, I probably wouldn't have thought it was wrong, eitehr, I would have been hurt, but would have never thought of it as an A. Now, we both know differently.
Do I really just sound delusional? I hope not.