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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 108
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 108 |
I know that a WS can fall in love again w/their S <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and the M can even become better. The question is, Did it take forgiveness from your BS to get these feelings back? Was being forgiven a big factor in making it easier to fall in love again? How did being forgiven play a role with regret/remorse/guilt?
Just something I have been thinking about. Thanks in advance for your replys.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,204
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,204 |
I had just answered this on the recovery board, but copied and pasted for you here too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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Did it take forgiveness from your BS to get these feelings back?
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For me to get the feelings back was probably a different situation. I wanted out of the affair by then - but was so addicted to what I was getting from the OM I didn't know how to cut myself off. On the day I was caught, my H told me I could stay or go, but he wouldn't leave me or kick me out. All my feelings came flooding back at that moment. I had never felt so loved, nor felt so IN love than at that painful moment...go figure.
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Was being forgiven a big factor in making it easier to fall in love again?
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No. The love came back all on it's own. He has forgiven me, but still struggles with other things that are an outcome due to the pain of the A. Even if he had never forgiven me - it was his love for me at a time where he had every reason to hate me, that made me fall in love again.
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How did being forgiven play a role with regret/remorse/guilt?
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His forgiving me NO, but me forgiving myself - YES. I am still struggling day to day with what I have done...some days I am convinced I have forgiven myself and other days I feel like a horrible person. Those unforgiving days are become less and less. I know once I TRULY forgive myself, the regret, remorse and guilt will be easier to deal with.
-ds
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 317
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for me i had the love for cindy all along...i had emotional A due to my low self esteem and insecurities ....cindys forgiveness was necessary for us to move on but it never happened as she was having 4 A that i now know of......
i had to forgive myself and somedays i have , other days i still feel like the scum of the earth
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 33
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Joined: Nov 2004
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S&I
As a FWH the forgiveness from my W was received and necessary. But the love returned because we followed Dr. H's principles. We started doing the things necessary to fall in love again and we committed to radical honesty, mutual agreement, 15 hours per week together, read the books and spent the time relating that is need for love to develop again. My W still has feelings about my A that cause additional work and emotions that need outlets. It took time and now I consider our M better than ever.
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 895
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by knowalibis:
<strong> for me i had the love for cindy all along...i had emotional A due to my low self esteem and insecurities ....cindys forgiveness was necessary for us to move on but it never happened as she was having 4 A that i now know of......
i had to forgive myself and somedays i have , other days i still feel like the scum of the earth </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I second yours, know - that's exactly how I feel, and our situations are so similar that it's scary...
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 108
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 108 |
Thanks all for your replys.
DS, I have been following your story, You have taken so many words straight out of my H's mouth. I hope the journey of recovery for you and your H is a short road filled w/many happy moments.
S&I
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