My first post.

My spouse is having an emotional affair and I have confronted her with solid evidence. She has been emailing and called op for at least 4 months. I know for a fact they have never met, however she is trying her best to meet him, but he seems reluctant for some unknown reason. Can someone give me advice on contacting the other person and what the fallout could be

Don't call OP. Read about an EA here. Is this someone she works with??

Worked with him for about a year. We are in Orlando, FL he is in Houston, TX

What is EA??

emotional affair

Ok have a few minutes here. Mine had an EA and thought it was ok because no sex. I printed off info from this site and handed it slowly to him. He did not read things right away. But did finally -the article that really hit him was the one on how an EA is so deceitful. The lies and coverups. Also as Dr Phil states if its somthing you will not do in front of your spouse then it is wrong. Read here there is so much info that will help you. What my S did not realize until I pointed it out was how deceitful she was and that was something I would never do to him. This is a very painful time for you. Killed me. Read about emotional needs. Maybe you have not been giving her what she needs. Also remember not to use love busters with her. You could drive her to the OM. Vent here, and people here will help you. Good luck and pray..

Thanks for the reply Realtor, I have been reading quite a bit here, great site.

Cobra, you’ll find this link for newcomers very helpful: Acronyms, Smilies, UBB Codes It also contains a alphabetic list of all the important abbreviations.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cobra77:
<strong>she is trying her best to meet him, but he seems reluctant for some unknown reason.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Seize this tidbit.

First, based on what you've seen in the evidence, what has your wife told the OM (other man) about you and your marriage. Specifically, can we assume the usual and conclude she has not been truthful and has, at least, exaggerated how "bad" your marriage is, or at best, has she claimed to be single or divorced?

The tidbit to seize is the very common posture of this OM as not being who HE claims to be to her, as actually being married himself, or otherwise masquerading various other aspects of their relationship so far.

That's why he's reluctant.

I suspect you should e-mail him and clear the air with the truth, depending on what you can share with us of your evidence, i.e., how much untruth is being communicated? Turn the light on this cockroach and watch him scurry.

While you're at it, get hot on learning about Plan A, read the link in my sig line below, and start looking hard in the mirror to see how you can improve being a husband.

Some insightful links:

Emotional infidelity in the workplace
Internet infidelity

Sorry you find yourself in this awfull situation. Here is my advice. All your actions to save your marriage will not be recognized as a good thing by your WW (wayward wife) and most likely she will feel angry at you and that you are trying to control her life. This is the fog talking not your W. Be calm and don't loose your grip in front of her. If you need to vent do it here. About contacting other person I would leave it as a last resort to end the A. If you go after him your WW will feel that you are going after her too. Right now she probably cares more about his well being than yours. Good luck.

Can you get his phone # and call him? Getting a phone call from the husband might rattle his cage a bit. Especially since I suspect that he is married. [given his reluctance to meet your W in person] Ask him what his intentions are with your w.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sadman28:
<strong> About contacting other person I would leave it as a last resort to end the A. If you go after him your WW will feel that you are going after her too.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Both bad and good advice.

First, the bad > contacting the OP is hardly ever the last resort because the WS hardly ever is telling the OP the truth and vice versa.

Now the good > your wife will identify with the OM if you "go after him." She will consider it as if you're going after her, as well. But contacting him, as being discussed here, is NOT "going after him" in the connotation of a threat or other action to prevent further contact. You cannot prevent their communication, you can only compel it. You cannot end the affair, you can only make it uncomfortable so the affairees end it on their own.

sadman - this is not a criticism of you, just your newbie-ness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WAT

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 07:30 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

WAT,

No offense taken <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

SM

Worth -when I spoke with OW she had no idea of what my H was doing at home -she did not know that he was verbally abusive or that I did not know about her. Or that he had set up a secret e-mail account but that is my story. She was scared to death that I would tell her H about what went on. I still haven't told her H as of today. I may still if I find any other things out. But his stopped my H from any further contact. He has since come out of the fog but it was hard for him. Harder for me. When the light dawned on him regarding his deceit it almost killed him. Never seen him in so much pain. Was glad though sometimes seeing what we are is very painful. But it is the only way to come back to who we really are and heal. Such a sad and unnecessary thing if only he had been honest from the start.

Wow, thanks for all your replies, you have been very helpfull. I must get back to work now.