I will try!! Either hard drive or motherboard is failing.

Have a great weekend!!

HP is replacing my HardDrive, under warranty, I should have it on Tuesday. Hopefully, that will put me back on-line.

How was your weekend?

-Christine

Most importantly, how was your weekend, Christine?

I am blessed now with a loving, devoted, attentive H. I am praying that this will happen for you.

To answer your question about my timeline.

I think their A lasted over 2 years with initial limited contact. It turned into a LOVE AFFAIR. He was emotionally attached, thought he was "in love" with her, very much addicted. From D-Day to Full Recovery: 8 months. It seems short now but it seemed like forever when it was occurring. It involved lots of trauma, drama and hard work on my part. I know many others would have given up. It was a choice I made after being with my H for over 30 years, including courtship.

Husband moved out 2 months after D-Day but wanted to maintain contact,ASF, dates, cake-eating with me, from the beginning. From D-Day to his departure, I did a fantastic PLAN A which he attempted to resist and make me back down from. I was also in coaching with STEVE HARLEY during this time; that helped immensely.

As soon as he left, H called saying that he missed me and wanted to reconcile. There were two false recoveries, lasting for 2 months each. He was still maintaining contact with her. Then I did a 3 month- PLAN B, cutting off all contact. I went dark. I was really trying to move on, sold our house. He begged to reconcile. We ended up purchasing a new house together. This recovery has lasted 18 months.

It's getting harder and harder for me to remember all the details of the 8 months.

Busy this morning. Will be back later...

My weekend was a split decision!! Our 5 year old son, Tucker, was acting really depressed on Friday. He didn't want to go with WH and other 2 sons to a school function (any other time he would have been bouncing off the walls), and he opted to go with me and MIL to a candle party. He was mostly clingy, but did end up playing with another older boy that was there. That night, he just layed in bed without his usual running & jumping. In trying to talk with him, all he would say is "my tears are coming out, but I'm OK". WH is well aware of his mental state, and it's driven him to come over each day since. Tucker asks him each time if he's home to live with us again.

I spent the day out Saturday with my boys: library, lunch, and mall....we had a great time. WH showed up that night to read new book to Tucker.

Sunday WH called me on his way to the gym to see how Tucker was doing and made the comment that he was proud of me for getting out with the kids Saturday (he said I have been a "funk" lately....DUH!!). I had done some home fix-it projects and the Sunday grocery trip (WH's usual job), and he said that we didn't need him anymore. Then his phone was disconnected. I sent him a text that said we did need & miss him and that nothing seems right without daddy.

WH came over for dinner. He took of his shirt to reveal his tight workout shirt and flexed a bunch of times, and later even had me feel his butt to see how hard it's gotten (WH has quite the elated ego these days, although he doesn't see it). When I went to bed, I sent another text that said how hot he looked today (not really, but I figured a good chance to ego stroke/admire) and said "good night handsome". No reply.

This morning, I sent a plain e-mail reminding him to call a lawyer and make a payment on a bad debt he has, otherwise he'll need to show up for a hearing Wednesday morning. This is his reply:

Sorry I missed your txt last night I didn't have my phones on me while I was cleaning. I thought you were going to stop pressing while I was staying here? You sent me two guilt txt's yesterday. I'm not mad just thought you were going to chill. It hard enough thinking about how Tuck feels about all this and I already know how you feel. If I came back now it wouldn't be for the reason you want me to. Anyway not mad just asking you to stop. Coming by is good for me not sure that its good for you? Thanks for reminding me to call that guy today. Already had him on my list of things to do today. Have a good day and I will talk to you later.

So frustrating!!!!!

-Christine

Aargg!!

I am not very good at ignoring what he says and 50% of what he does. The e-mail exhange continued this morning: I replied and defended my texts from yesterday (1st one as a follow up to our disconnected phone call, and the 2nd one as a mere compliment!!), he said I shouldn't be mad because he's not mad at me and that the call for the ride and the SF should not have happened. I told him that I was mad, that I am not allowed to react to anything he says or does and that I keep putting my needs on hold for him and our family. He replied that he still wants to see the boys everyday and that he just doesn't want me to pay any compliments or anything like that. He misses his family and his life, but he just doesn't have those feelings for me.

Can it really be true? Maybe he doesn't really love me anymore and the feelings will never return. He wants me to back off so he can see how much he misses me.

I am no good at this....

-Christine

Christine:

Red flag with the phones. My H never had his phone on when with the OW.

You want to give him the message that you want him to come by to see his wonderful bod, not to pressure him to come home. I get the impression that he is feeling guilty and wants to project this feeling on to you. I would just keep saying, "I love you and miss you. It's your choice whether you come home or not."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I told him that I was mad, that I am not allowed to react to anything he says or does and that I keep putting my needs on hold for him and our family. He replied that he still wants to see the boys </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Christine, read up on PLAN A. This is LBing. No anger, no demands. Apologize for being mad.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> just doesn't want me to pay any compliments or anything like that. He misses his family and his life, but he just doesn't have those feelings for me.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All of this is a total lie. FOG TALK! Ignore this. Didn't he want you to feel his bod? A compliment was expected. Foggy WSes try to veer you off of your PLAN A in order to justify the A to themselves. Keep doing your thing, Christine! Ignore him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can it really be true? Maybe he doesn't really love me anymore and the feelings will never return. He wants me to back off so he can see how much he misses me.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, he thinks he doesn't love you. However, the feelings are still buried there and can return. I am testimony to that. You might need to really back off and do a PLAN B. He will really miss you then. However, you first need to finish with your PLAN A.

You are doing great, Christine. Don't let him fool you. He wants you to back off because you are doing so well and he is getting confused. He had convinced himself that he was out of love with you, etc. He is having a hard time with that now. Don't make it easy for him. Poor thing! You are not going to make it easy for him or HER!

I'll try. Sometimes I feel as confused as him.

BTW - the new place he moved into is a mess. He was cleaning it most of the weekend. I checked the cell activity when I came into work today. Besides the ones I did, he had 2 received and 1 sent text, and a total of 57 minutes of cell talk this entire weekend (and at least 25/30 minutes were to me). Even if A isn't completely over, I feel safe enough to say the contact is significantly less (he used to spend 2-3 hours a day on phone with OW).....then again, most of the calls can now be on the Blackberry, but if so, then why use the cell at all??

See?? I am just as confused at times.

I will apologize for my anger.

-Christine

Are you sure he was at the place cleaning up all that time? How can you be sure that he was not with her?

OW went to Georgia to visit BF on a family weekend thing with the Army. He graduates in about another month.

They could both just be snowing me, big time. The info about her weekend was from her AOL profile & away posts for weeks and days leading up to this weekend. She had a countdown to her "roadtrip" to see BF since he left.

How does one know when it's time for Plan B?

-Christine

I am not good at answering that PLAN B question. You might want to change your TOPIC NAME again to get more opinions. I would try to catch them, though before moving to PLAN B.

Especially with our younger children, I want to avoid Plan B as much as possible, but in the same sense I don't know at what point I am still Plan Aing or just being used??

Thanks!!

-Christine

Do you sincerely believe that there were changes that you need to make in your marriage?

PlAN A is the time where you make these changes and demonstrate them.

It is for you. You doing what you feel is best. It is not about trying to change him. The focus is on yourself.

Do you understand what I mean?

If you feel that your love for him is beginning to wane, I think that's the time for PLAN B. You can arrange PLAN B with children. You probably could do it easily, using your MIL as a mediator and not being home when he comes over to visit with them.

Do you have a copy of SURVIVING AN AFFAIR? That book speaks to these different issues. I would advise reading it.

<small>[ March 07, 2005, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

I should just order SAA from this website, Borders doesn't have stock and I can't seem to find it anywhere else.

There were only 2 issues ever brought to my attention about our M and R. Firstly, was the SF and I have already turned that around. Came down to adjusting my priorities, we had SF just not enough. I didn't understand his need for it, thought it was a shallow request with each of us working full time and all the running with the kids. The only other issue was my "lack of enthusiasm"...his words. I am a passive person by nature, he knew that about me long before we were married, actually said it was one of my endearing qualities. I think it's a grasp at straws for him now anyway, since OW is only 19 he may be confusing the cheerleader-like essence for a real trait.

We had the "perfect" marriage. We have always gotten along, never argued, shared household duties, spent our money well and without strain, taken random "hotel nights" to be away from kids and have privacy, we never restricted each other for solo activities (he has poker with the boys and I had girls night out). That's why this was a shocker for me.

That OW put her sights on him, reeled him in and sank her hooks in. I honestly think he's mistaken the mature love we have for a loss of the "in love" feelings that all new couples have. He still says he loves me and that I am his best friend. But, he is also very headstrong, he may never be convinced that the love he still feels for me is the love that it should be based on our length of time together.

Did that make any sense?

-Christine

<small>[ March 07, 2005, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: MommyCBaby ]</small>

OW just logged onto AOL and immediately posted her away message. She is now engagged!!!

Good, now she just needs to move away!!!!!!!!!

Is she a WH****, just living her life, having fun as the young folks say?

Being engaged doesn't mean a thing to them. Does she have a date.

Christine, he is addicted to the feeling that she has given him. That's not real love. That's an intoxicant, a drug. He has to withdraw from the A by having NC with her.

KEEP AN EYE ON THEM. Remember that she may be trying to make your H jealous with this talk of engagement. Don't let your suspicions down.

My sons are 18 and 22. I know about that age group and the mentality of the young women they are involved with. They do not share our values at all.

I know, Mimi. If marriage didn't mean anything to her, then why would an engagement. I am excited, but will not ever let my guard down when it comes to her.

My WH has never played the jelousy game, so if that's her ploy, she's barking up the wrong tree.

We'll see. I should be able to gauge by WH's mood tonight.

I'll post in the am with an update!! Tuesday night I should be back on-line at home.

Thanks a million!!

-Christine

Nothing really new to add this morning. WH called before coming over to dinner (sounded kinda sad) to ask if it was OK that he still came over daily. Of course I said OK.

We had normal conversation during dinner, he played with the boys and then left just before 8pm. No hugs or kisses, he just said he would talk to me today.

-Christine

Sounds great! Continue to PLAN A. How can you build in ADMIRATION? "You're such a wonderful Dad." "I appreciate how you see the importance of seeing your boys everyday". Are there activities that the boys are involved in that he can be responsible for taking them to? Storytime at Borders? Sports?

BTW, how are you doing in the alluring dept.? Are you showered and smelling good when he comes over for dinner? Tight jeans? Makeup?

<small>[ March 08, 2005, 09:21 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Yesterday we had a beautiful day, 65 degrees (today it's snowing!!!), by the time he came over I was wearing tight spandex shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top (he loves that combo). I shower and smell nice everyday, since A started I have made sure that I wear makeup each and every day. I also have had a life-long problem with dry skin, I have been on a new regimin for months, so my skin is so much softer and smoother.

He had told me over the weekend that he has yet another interview today (that would make a toal of 3 new job offers on top of his current job pleading with him to stay!), so this morning I sent him an e-mail: "I know you don't need it, because you already possess the skill and personality, but good luck today anyway!!"
He replied that one can never have enough good luck, thanked me, wished me a great day, and said he would see me later tonight.

I am just trying to show the love an admiration in subtle ways that let him think I am "leaving him alone" and take the time to "think about what he wants to do".

-Christine