Sounds like you've got it. You're doing the best that you can do right now.

Keep your eye on them, though.

Hope you ordered your book! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I just ordered SAA, guess it will take 2-3 days. I had it sent to my office, that way I won't miss the delivery.

I can't wait to get it and start reading through!!

-Christine

Last night went very well, I half expect that today it will all be dashed anyway!!

When I got home from work, about 5pm, WH was there already (MIL said he got in about 4:30), I tried fixing the laptop (not done yet) and he was a little snippy with me. When I went up into the bathroom, he was in there so I knocked (before A neither one would knock before entering any room) and he told me I could come in...he was sitting on the floor typing into his Blackberry. I have no idea to who, but I will always assume OW. Shortly after he left for the gym.

He came back after the gym and ate dinner. We were sitting on the couch with about 1/2 cushion of space between us, he asked me to scratch his back (of course I did). Then our youngest came in between us and started to scratch Daddy's arm, saying it was spiders. WH then stretched his arm across the back of the couch and then started to rub and scratch my head (he knows that it is probaby my favorite of all affectionate actions, I find it very soothing and if done right and long enough is a powerful foreplay move!). It only lasted a few seconds, but that was the most glorious feeling I have had in a long time. Since the A he doesn't touch me like that anymore....with the exception of the night the OW's BF exposed and he was soo hurt.

He talked with MIL in basement, told her he missed being at the house and his boys, but that he "feels empty" inside. I don't know how to look at it, so I will ignore it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Before he left both MIL and myself received a hug that he prompted.

Baby steps, I guess....

-Christine

<small>[ March 09, 2005, 07:29 AM: Message edited by: MommyCBaby ]</small>

^

More than baby steps, Christine!! Not giant steps but certainly the makings of a PRISTINE PLAN A!!

Keep this up for awhile!! Sit back and observe his actions and your actions!!

WARNING! He might try to provoke you to throw you off course. He might try to hurt your feelings by saying that he doesn't care or whatever. Actions speak louder than words. You are driving this car. Don't let him do that to you.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'll do what I can. Emotions can be hard to control, but I try not to let him see me when I feel the most insecure.

-Christine

Come on the forum to vent. Keep a journal. Exit the scene. Start housecleaning. Go for a drive. Have a game plan!!!

I do vent here. My boys keep me happy. I think what brings me down is all the snooping I do, I have to assume or guess at some stuff, because he doesn't discuss it much with me (his words are - "I created this and I will deal with it, you don't need to concern yourself.....it's over!!). Emotionally it is not over. I hope he takes any one of the new jobs and leaves that place in the dust.

I have no idea when OW's wedding is supposed to be, she posted today that she was on-line dress shopping, even though she had plenty of time.

I think if ignore all their "activities" and simply pay attention to my WH's actions and attitudes towards me alone, it may make it easier for me....at least until such time as he comes home (fingers crossed). At that point, radical honesty---I will want to verify certain information and have "proof" that there is complete NC.

Sound good?

-Christine

I'm sorry. I don't think you can let up on the snooping until he comes home and definitely recommitted to you.

Denial was one of the biggest mistakes that I made in all of this. It feels better in the short-term but in the longterm it causes more hurt and prolongs the A.

Understand?

I'm leaving in about 5 minutes in case I miss your post.

<small>[ March 09, 2005, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Check me out!! I fixed the laptop, with some help from WH and I am on-line at home now!!!

I don't think I could stop snooping if I tried. I am almost obsessed with their on-line time at work, especially since her MO is away posts. Tough part is knowing if they're real or for my benefit.

Anyway, just wanted to check in.

-Christine

Well, last night he was already gone when I came back from the gym. I had to call him briefly to ask if he had given our youngest his medicine (MIL didn't know), WH's getting a cold and was taking meds and going to bed. Then, he texted me before 11pm to say good night and he loved me. Aw.

This morning, however, he's now posting "away" messages, it would seem that he's trying to influence OW. Like I said, we don't discuss this at all, he refuses, so all I ever have is my own interpritations of things I see. His posts are quotes and other inspirational sayings about never giving up hope and every day is the chance at a new begining.....I know they are not meant for me <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

It's like you said, he's addicted. What was it it for your FWH that finally ended it? Was she persueing him, or was he trying to hold on to her?

Thanks

-Christine

Do the "away" messages mean that he is away? You know what I am thinking.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> His posts are quotes and other inspirational sayings about never giving up hope and every day is the chance at a new begining.....I know they are not meant for me
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What are some of the quotes? It would give me a look inside of his head as an "objective observer".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What was it it for your FWH that finally ended it? Was she persueing him, or was he trying to hold on to her?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">PLAN B ended my FWH's A. While I was in PLAN B, he moved in with the OW and got a taste of her 24/7. I think it was awful for him over there. She lives way below our means, different lifestyle, different culture... The fantasy of her wore off very quickly.

In terms of pursuit, I think it was a little bit of both. I had to admit to myself that they had a "LOVE AFFAIR". It was very passionate and intense - addictive! She was single and not involved with anyone else by the end of the A. She got a D about a year earlier.

Yes, "away" posts are supposed to be when you're away from your desk, but he doesn't go idle (which means he's not at his desk). This was something OW started months ago, as a way to leave messages to WH as to where & what she's doing. Right now it seems to be tit-for-tat with them, probably because of her engagement.

He sent me an IM (instant message) this morning just to chat. He said the away posts are for anyone who wants to read them (whatever). But he said that staying at Emma's was good for him, he didn't know why I still loved him or put up with him but he was "kinda glad" I did/am.

He told me about her engagement, which I already knew, and again said that the contact is only at work and that the texts and random calls are done. We'll see about that.

I will Plan A till I can't Plan A no more!!

-Christine

"Engagement" does not really mean anything to young folks these days unless there has been a date set.

She may be trying to get him to make a commitment to her which he as a cake-eater will not do.

He gives her an inch by moving out of the house, gives you a couple of inches by coming over to the house each night.

He is following the cakeeater's script. I don't know the details of my FWH's A but I think that the OW broke up with him a couple of times in order to try to force him into choosing her. The OW's version of PLAN B. Whatever....I agree that they are playing games with each other and you don't want to be a part of their world.

PLAN A as long as possible.....

I have no clue as to wether there's a date set or not. All I know is that WH is slowly starting to act differently towards me, I'll take it but still not let my guard down.

I wish I had written down his away post so you could read it verbatim. It was something like: every new day is a chance to start again, with that being the case, all you need to do is pick which day it will be".

I'm sure all BS's feel the same way, but my WH stopped showing any kind of affection from the beginning (we've had SF w/o tenderness), and just the few signs he's showed me in the last day or two give me hope that he may turning it around. Throughout all of this he hasn't told me anything that I want to hear just to make me feel better, he has stayed true to his "feelings".

-Christine

I don't know why I had such a bad night!! He was pretty much the same last night, even gave me a nice hug before he left. I watched tv and was on-line, went about my business before going to bed. As I lay in bed, the tears just flowed and icouldn't stop them. Eventually I fell asleep, but awoke about 4:30am with a nightmare (about the affair) and again had a hard time falling back asleep.

I don't know what the plans are for the weekend, technically it should be "his weekend", but I don't know. We sent a few e-mails this morning about mundane household stuff, but he hasn't replied to my last one which did ask about this weekend. His login is idle, meaning he's not actively at his computer, so he may be in a meeting or out of the office. OW is still logged in and active, so I know they're not "together" right now (but she has posted that "today's going to be a good day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ").

I hope my copy of SAA arrives today, I would really love to start reading it.

-Christine

One more thing, OW updated her profile again (you wanted details on the crapola they post), here it is:

I HEART my soldier :-*3.6.05 "if you're a bird,I'm a bird"

This is the prayer that I say tonight
It is for my fiancé who must fight
For you see, he is away from me
Keeping his country safe and free.
This is the one that I love
And so I ask you Lord above
Please keep him safe while under way
And bring him home to me someday.
While he is gone please hear my prayer
And let him know I will be there
Waiting for him on the pier
Hoping praying with some fear.
This prayer is not for him alone
But for all military far from home.
I ask you to keep them safe and sound
On their way to where their bound
We love these men that are asked to fight
So, keep them safe for us tonight.


(3.6.05 is the day she became engaged)

Don't have much time to reply yet..

Is her BF out of the country?

No. WH, OW, and myself are all in Virginia, her BF is in military training in Georgia....he has graduation in about 6 weeks, then he'll be stationed somewhere.

I hate this!!! I already told you I had a bad night and I just feel down today. OW logged off for lunch, then WH's login went idle....I logged in to our bank account and saw he charged enough for 2 lunches at Subway. I will never see the receipt and he will tell me he bought lunch for some guy in the office. I'm crying.

I understand this whole A process, but still don't get it!! Why does he keep doing this??? Before this A, he would have never put up with anyones lies or deceit, but she seems to have a free pass.

Today sucks!! I can't stop crying!

-Christine