FWW recently left the pool team she had been on with OM for last 3 years. This was ONS followed by longterm EA. Anyway, the way you know it's an EA is the tremendous amount of critcism you take as the injured party. Here is the positive; over the years W has criticized the size of her engagement ring. This was certainly not the way to motivate me to get a bigger diamond. We are approaching 20th anniversary and lately she has stopped wearing the ring because the setting was loosed (this is true). Well today she gets up and asks me if I would like to go with her to the jeweler and get a new setting for her diamond. I jump at this chance and consider it a very practical and positive approach. We spend a good bit for the new setting that has all the goodies surrounding the original diamond. And it now looks fabulous. W is thrilled and back to wearing her wedding ring and I am very happy as well.

We are 3 years past d-day but the EA continued to be a cancer in our marriage. More than either of us knew. But I think now that NC is established I can see some very positive signs just like the one above.

I have been posting here for 2 years as "walkingoneggs" and added WOE recently. I hope this gives someone a little inspiration to keep on trying and that the light may be closer than you think.

WOE - Glad to hear that things are getting better. And "improving" the ring, while improving the marriage is a GREAT idea.

Woe:

It is great 2 hear that the good news is getting even better for you and your W!

best,
-ol' 2long

WOE, I posted to you hrs. ago but my post got lost in cyber space. Let's see, what was it I wrote to you. H and I just got home from a wine tasting dinner and I'm a bit buzzed, but I do remember what I wrote to you. Basically my friend you are a genuinely kind man who has shown that kindness to your W, along with an endless supply of patience. My hope for you is that this new wedding ring will be a symbol of the effort your W will now put into the recovery of your M. Equal partners in building a great M. My wish is for your W to Plan A you beyond your wildest dreams. That happens to be my wish for me too. We can only hope. Fianlly I remember that I wished you the very best, which I do my friend. You are a special man and I hope that your W will finally realize that. Many blessings WOE! CV

Believer, thanks for your kind words. Seems like we've all been here way too long. I hope this finds you well as you continue your journey.

2long, thanks. I just want to add that I was very impressed with the message you sent to Oatmeal. The time, thought and dedication you bring to these difficult times is altruism at its best. I often think that maybe your W is still in the fog and the break is right around the corner. I'm not ready to claim recovery yet but I was very surprised the effect that NC made.
I wish this for you.

CV, thank you for following my story. I was surprised the impact the ring "upgrade" had on both of us. She's now proud of it, which I can only assume says something positive about the M. I wish a both lots of Plan A'ing as well. As I am no longer ruled by my emotions I'm starting to understand that my W fully comprehends the impact of her A. She had an abortion at the beginning of our relationship and it surfaces in conversation from time to time, she can recall the gambling days vividly as well as the floods we've been through. Therefore I have no doubt that this has left quite a mark on her but she's still not ready to talk about it. Anyway our spouses deserve our forgiveness. We can't do the healing ourselves but they at least deserve the chance to heal and I think we've both done a good job of giving them that opportunity.

Would have loved to attended the wine tasting. We went to Napa Valley on our honeymoon and it's been a love of fine wine ever since.

Woe

HI WOE!!!

I posted on my thread too...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> WOE, i have not seen you for sometime so i took this opportunity to look for your more recent posts and I found the "something positive" topic. that made me smile!!! I am very happy for you too. thanks for the HI. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">all the best!