My WW spouse which has had 3 EA's and probably at least on PA and I are divorcing. I do want her back but I need to move on. I am going to Plan B now and let her live her new alien life.

I am in our home and WW has moved out. Kids are more comfortable here. She has strayed and I miss the kids (50/50). Is it wrong of me to fight for custody? Or should I not deprive them of their mother?

I don't think you can deprive the children of their mother even if you get 100% residence with you.

If you divorce, does your W stays out of the home as well?
Or it's just her temporarily choice?

Anyway, your children are almost big enough to decide by themselves.
What do they feel like?
OK, they feel better in their home, but do they know it means not living (permanently!) with their mother?
If so, how do they feel, with whom they would like to live, with whom they would be happier?

What does your W say about custody, what does she want?

Just think what'd be the best for your kids and go for it.

I would most certainly fight for 100% custody but let have visitation rights. They do need to see their mother, but they need to be protected from her destructive lifestyle.

BHINWI,

You helped me through a rough spot a few days ago, and at the time you asked if I might be able to give you some advice.

I couldn't on that particular post, but here I can. SO here goes.

First, I think it goes without saying that I hate the fact that we both have to be here at this time in our lives, and I think we both can agree that we NEVER EVER wanted for our kids to have to live through this. They never did anything to deserve this, and for that I am truly sorry.

I think deep down you know what my advice is going to be, because you have been, in all liklihood, been giving yourself the same advice now.

YOUR KIDS NEED YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER

Do not think of it as "should I not deprive them of their mother" for you are not doing that, their mother has made a choice, she has chosen to teach your kids that people are disposable, and that since they are disposable, they are also replaced easily. ~~Mommy isn't happy, mommy trades Daddy in for a new model~~

This is one of the most destructive lessons a kid can be taught, and the sad fact is, you can't stop WW from teaching them, the only thing you can do is be the example of what RIGHT & PROPER BEHAVIOR really looks like. Your kids already have a very good notion of what this is, but will need your example to solidify it for them, and they will be counting on you for this. they may never tell you this, but that is reality.

You need to definately need to fight for primary residential parent (physical custody in some states) so that the kids can have as close to a normal life as possible. bouncing the kids back & forth (50/50) is not usually in thier best interest, and most courts will agree. If mommy wants to live that lifestyle, then do not allow her to expose her kids to it, not even 1/2 of the time.

Don't misunderstand me here, NEVER prevent the kids from seeing their mother, unless it is a valid danger to them. In fact you will probably need to encourage WW to have a close R with them, I know I have to with my WW.

It is best for the kids if you are honest with them, but without tearing down mommy. you can tell them that you still love mommy, you just cannot allow her to behave badly and stay married. they understand behavior, but they won't understqand if you say that "mommy is _ _ _" because they are 1/2 mommy & 1/2 daddy, and they should never think that 1/2 of themselves is bad.

Sorry for making this such a long reply, if I can help you with specifics just holler.

Hosea

Hosea - YES! YES!

The kids will always love mom. My kids do, even though they don't want to be around her - the new guy bothers them, and they prefer it here with me. If it ever came down to divorce, I would fight for 100% custody, but NEVER let the kids ever think that their mother ever stopped loving them....she can't and won't. That I do know about her.

My prayers are with you

David

Thanks everyone. Especially Hosea and David. You have been a big help.

BHINWI-

I think it's very refreshing to see so many Dad's that want custody of their children. I have never come across this particular thing....when I divorced my 1st husband (I was married b4 from ages 17-20) he never even attempted to go for custody.

My WH would never want custody either. I don't know if it would cramp his style or what, but he hasn't even threatened wanting custody of our DD.

He is quite good to her, he calls her several times daily, always asks her how school is, etc, and always talks to her at night before she goes to bed to tell her he loves her. He sees her whenever he gets the chance (He works 7 days a week). I know he misses being with her daily, or else he wouldn't call her so often.

I just wanted to say that the Dad's on here are fantastic!!!!!

-Caren

BH,

Have iether of you filed yet? If not you might want to consider doing so first. It will kick in state mandated protections for you & the kids.

Filing does not mean you are giving up on the M, in fact it might just help WW see that her actions have serious consequences.

I am waiting for our custody situation to be settled, once that is done I cannot see how I can remain in Plan A. WW is showing me no signs that there is a chance, even when I think there is a glimmer, she sends me another "demand" email and it kills that notion. The pain you are feeling I know all about. But you have to set that aside for the kids right now.

Let me know what you are going to do, & how I can help you.

God Be With You,

Hosea