I checked my H’s cell phone record again since he was home sick today from work. To no avail he spent 1.5 hrs talking to the OW then later complained to me that he was tired and needed rest. I know I should assume they are talking and there is no need for me to check his cell phone record but I can’t help myself to check. I assume they are talking when I am at work and when I actually see he is talking to her… I get PO.

I think I am ready to expose my H’s EA but I’m not sure what to say and how to go about doing so. I have been hesitate to bring it up for a couple of reasons….
1) the only proof I have is the voice recorder where he is talking to OW about me; and his cell phone record where they talked everyday during the 2 wks he was home.
2) I have a hard time explaining why we should stay married.

I say #2 because we did not form a strong foundation before we got married. Our decision to get married was after I told him about our DD (even tho we said it wasn’t because of her). He has his justifications now…i.e.
- would we have gotten married if it wasn’t for DD?
- I felt pressured by my family
- I was forcing myself to love you
- we weren’t together for 2 months before you told me about DD (when actually it was 2 weeks)
- our R didn’t follow the proper R procedure

The only reasons I can think to work on the M are because of our DD and because I know we loved each other when decided to get married. But this reasoning is not good enough for him (he knows what’s best). What I find peculiar is that his reasoning goes back to our R before we got married and not after we got married. The fact that we got married, had a reception a month later, bought a house, had a baby, and all of the financial issues/stress that go along with these events have nothing to do with his loss of love for me. Does that make sense?

So with exposure… do I tell him that it hurts me when he talks to his “friend/exGF”? Do I even have enough evidence to say this is an EA? When he says “this is the biggest mistake he’s ever made”… do I reverse babble and say “I know you think this is the biggest mistake you’ve ever made”? How do I justify why we should work on our M and see a counselor???

Also, Could he be right? We did do this for the wrong reasons…. we only had a thin layer for our foundation and I should probably move on? Maybe I am lost in my own fog thinking it can work out?

Please help..

^ help anyone...maybe I'm a fool to believe we would have a great future together. But then again I can see where the OW could turn him away and help him justify his thoughts.

Mahal-

I don't know, how to 'expose' an EA. I tried and tried with cell phone records, etc....only to be shot down in flames, I didn't end up being able to expose it until it went PA, and I had a voice activated recorder on his home phone line.

If you go to him with the cell phone thing, he's A) probably going to deny that it's an EA, and explain it all away and B) Be a lot more careful so you won't find the info again.

So choose what you do carefully. Maybe you could put the recorder you have in his car? Maybe they go to lunch together or something. Or go the P.I. route.

I think you could say that you happened to see on his cell phone that he talked to her for 1.5 hours, and tell him that you are uncomfortable with this and you'd like it to stop, and for him to turn his attention to the marriage. I wouldn't go into full blown accusations at this point, he may not even think that he's doing anything wrong if they haven't had sex....you and I know anything you have to hide from your spouse is something you shouldn't be doing, but people who don't know, don't always feel the same way.

-Caren