I have a question I need ALL to answer!! I'm engaged to be married. My future husband feels it is ok to continue friendships/emails/have a drink with (if I'm out of town)ex-girl friends who are "just friends now". He says they were friends before we met and that it should not be a problem for him to continue his friendships so long as they are "just friends". I differ. I believe that I should fill every aspect of his needs and wanting to keep in communication with these women only infuriates me. He says I'm jelous and should trust him. I say show some respect. I say if he still needs his girl "friends" then he is not ready for marriage! Please answer, for I truely believe to be correct and is the reason I must break up with him!!!

Dear New Member (your name is to long to type out in full <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Welcome to Marriage Builders! You have found the right site for advice. You are correct on your feelings about this. Close opposite sex friendships is a danger to any marriage (or people who are involved in a committed relationship like you). It’s especially dangerous if the “friend” has been an ex boyfriend/girlfriend. Most affairs start through friendships with the opposite sex and lead to emotional betrayal.

In my opinion married people (and people in stable & committed relationships) should only have friends of the opposite sex if the person is a friend of both spouses/partners and where both the spouses/partners can spend time with the person. The best is to have friends who are couples and who are friends of the marriage/relationship as well. Both spouses must feel comfortable with the opposite sex friend.

You’ll find this article very insightful. I can also recommend a book ”Not Just Friends” written by Shirley Glass (the book is also mentioned in the article above). It will be good if your fiancé can also read this material. I really wish material like this could be required reading before couples are allowed to marry for there would be less people unwittingly setting themselves up for affairs.

If your fiancé doesn’t become willing to listen to you and respect you in this regard, I would seriously reconsider the relationship with him if I were you. If he doesn’t come to his senses in this regard, then DON’T marry him… You will just set yourself up for much pain and tears in the future.

Hope this could help! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Suzet

<small>[ February 09, 2005, 01:56 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

Recipe for disaster if you ask me. Not saying that anything will happen, but it is too easy if there are problems. Through my situation, I found myself confiding in a woman I did not know well, who is gorgeous, and damn near slipped. Imagine if there had been history?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I had an A with my h/s boyfriend 28 years after I last saw him.

It wasn't through a classmates site or anything like that but sites like that are making this sort of thing happen all the time.

I realise that's not what you're saying but those "ex" relationships are very, very dangerous.

My H and I are fully recovered and happy now but it was a TOTAL, TOTAL, TOTAL disaster.

No, no, no.

Jen

<small>[ February 09, 2005, 03:17 AM: Message edited by: KiwiJ. ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I believe that I should fill every aspect of his needs and wanting to keep in communication with these women only infuriates me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I too felt the same way. We have been married for 8 months now and my H and his X are having an EA. I didn't want him talking to her but instead he just hid it from me. When I told him I knew they were talking, he told me to get over it. I did, then said if they were "just friends" then don't hide it. Well to this day he still hides it. He confides in her about problems in our M and doesn't discuss them with me.

So I would agree with everything Suzet* mentions. And do have your fiance read that book. I am reading it now but I wish we would have known/read it before we got married.