Ok....I took everyone's advice and changed my email address so that my WH can't contact me anymore. Although....he will just start putting letters in my mailbox or in my son's over night bag. Anyway....He had sent me this email yesterday saying that he was teaching our son all this crap and that I'm not a good mom...yada, yada....I was so mad....I wrote this long email back to him and then deleted it. I ended up just sending an email that said "Good-Bye WS"....he sent me one back that said "thank you for letting me go." I was pi$$ed....what an ego!!!
Anyway...I changed my email address today so hopefully all of this garbage will stop.

***Although....he will just start putting letters in my mailbox or in my son's over night bag.***

Do not open them. If they came to you through the regular mail, just draw a line through your address and write "Return to Sender -- Address Unknown" on it. Then drop it back in an outgoing mailbox.

If he puts his crap in your son's bag, do not open said crap. Put it unopened in a larger envelope, write his address on it, slap some stamps on it, and drop it in an outgoing mailbox.

If you're serious, you will do this. He'll get the message that you are not even reading his crap. I had to do this with somebody once. Worked like a charm.
Mulan

Thanks Mulan...I will definitely do that!!!! I have to protect myself from his craziness.

Take Mulan's advice about the letters Tree.

And don't take too much from you STBX's email response. It really means nothing. He just wants to get the last word, (but not really - he is really wanting to illicit another response)

So stay really really dark. You are probably going the route I find myself in.

BTW, going to be up your way soon. Are you up for some coffee?

TJ

TJ....
I will definitley go dark again. I just can't take it anymore. I'm so tired of his craziness! He's so out there!
I feel so bad for my son because he's starting to not like going with his dad so much anymore. I really don't know what happened but he seems so happy to be home with me after being with his dad.

I've been reading your posts. Hope all works out for you as well. We both have a long rode ahead of us don't we????

Let me know when you'll be over this way. I'll send you my new email. I'm going to be deleting the other one. I'm in the process of transfering everything for the old to the new. What a pain!!!!

TJ....
I will definitley go dark again. I just can't take it anymore. I'm so tired of his craziness! He's so out there!
I feel so bad for my son because he's starting to not like going with his dad so much anymore. I really don't know what happened but he seems so happy to be home with me after being with his dad.

I've been reading your posts. Hope all works out for you as well. We both have a long rode ahead of us don't we????

Let me know when you'll be over this way. I'll send you my new email. I'm going to be deleting the other one. I'm in the process of transfering everything for the old to the new. What a pain!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Tom Joad:
<strong> It really means nothing. He just wants to get the last word, (but not really - he is really wanting to illicit another response)
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I completely agree with Tom here.

He's already shown he's willing to do anything to get to you.

Now it's time to show him his efforts are in vain.

{{{{{TR}}}}}

Tree, I follow your story, along with many others here, and have to tell you to keep those letters and emails. If WS is writing that he is telling your child that you are a bad mom, you need to hold onto those. I just read a case that went to a state supreme court where physical custody was changed. A BIG reason it was changed was the court pointed out one spouse was badmouthing the other to the child. They took that very seriously and it weighed heavily on there decision.

Whether you use those against your WS is your choice. My feeling, if my WW was badmouthing me to my DS, I would want DS removed from that sitch. You just can't do that.

Bear...
Wow...what state was that in? I can't prove that he's saying anything bad about me to our son. Well, at least not yet.
It just amazes me how big his ego has gotten.

robby...you're right....time to show him his efforts ar in vain. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Your WS is in pain now..thats why he is finding fault in you.

You did good in replying Goodbye WS...maybe next time just DONT answer. He might be more upset if you dont answer. I feel good whenever my WH gets upset with me not responding to him.

Dont let WS upset you...take deep breaths whenever you get one of those crazy pyscho mood like Killing the B*****d... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Good Girl !

Its gonna hurt, but STAY DARK. Use intermediaries to exchange Cam with him do NOT let him see or talk to you. Change the locks on your house. plan B is THAT seriously dark.

It will CHOKE him and more importantly will test the mettle of his affair bindings.

All blessings Trish

Bob....Thanks for the advice and support. I will go dark and let him wonder what I'm up to. I just wish I could snap my finger and make him dissapear. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

From experience with my XH, the biggest thing here is not returning the contact. I know some people have been advising to return everything unopened, but I wouldn't do that either. Although keeping it in case you need it for custody hearings is a good reason too, the biggest reason is - even returning the stuff is still a response.

I tried for a while doing a minimal response to my XH - just addressing what business we had, and nothing else. And he just kept it up - wanted more from the house, contacted me to further abuse me, contacted me to try and get me to feel sorry for him, whatever.

The only thing that worked? Absolutely, positively refusing no matter what to respond to him directly. I got a friend to act as intermediary for what business we still had to take care of together (and I know that is harder to do where kids are involved, but it may be necessary.) And I just didn't respond. Every once in a while, he actually started sounding nice again, and I considered it. And realized that I was just asking for more problems if I did.

It has now been a month since the last time he contacted me. I think (I HOPE!) he has finally gotten it. You would have thought changing my home to an unlisted number, changing my cell number, and not answering e-mails would have done it, but it didn't. I still expect him to try again, but I will just continue to refuse to respond.

The bad thing is - there are a few things I've found at the house that he really should have, and I want to get them to him. But I'm afraid that me getting them to him, even if it is through an intermediary, will be read by him as a signal to start bugging me again. So I haven't done anything with the stuff, but I really do want it out of my house.

penguin....
I guess I really do need to have someone be a go between for me. I don't want anything to do with this man. I'm so done!!!!!!!!It's so hard though. I guess I will ask my best friend today if she will be my intermediary. I'm sure she will have no problem doing so.
I just need to distance myself from all of this to stay sane. I was doing so well and then he just started in again and I couldn't hold back from telling him how I felt. I'm not usually one to bite my tongue so it's really difficult.

Thanks for the advice!!!!

Tree -

One other thing to think about here.... is your bf a good choice for intermediary?

The reason I ask this - what you will be asking of her here is a VERY hard thing. I'm guessing WH will probably have all kinds of sob stories for her. That's not saying she'll believe them, but it could end up putting her in a difficult position.

You'll also be asking her to (possibly) discuss emotionally charged issues with him. I don't know the current situation with your WH, but you run the risk, with having female friend being intermediary, of maybe starting up another problem relationship.

And unfortunately, if you use a male friend, you run the risk of him accusing you of all sorts of things.....

I know - what's the answer then? There are a couple of choices that would be better, if they are available to you. One is a family member, either yours or his, that can remain mostly impartial. That one could be difficult, I know.

Another choice would be a professional intermediary. Of course, that can be an expensive choice.

The option I used? It was a couple from my church. One of our elders and his wife (who is also a pretty good friend of mine.) Since both were involved, and it was one of our elders who XH knew wouldn't be involved in anything like that, I didn't get accused of anything, and didn't have to worry about his influence on my intermediaries either.

Of course, I know that I was lucky to have that kind of an option, and you may not have anyone like that you can ask. I'm not saying not to ask your friend to do it - I'm just saying that you should consider it very carefully, and think about other options, first.

Thanks Penguin...
My friend is the perfect choice. She use to do this kind of stuff at work. As far as my WH trying to get her to sympothize with him....LOL...not happening there. She can be very neutral. I can't think of anybody better than her to do it....honestly!!!!

I would never ask anyone in his family....they are all wacko and don't even talk to me. As for my family.....none of them would be able to talk to him in a civil manner. They are so angry at him.