Gosh, I guess you guys are right. I just woke up in extreme panic, out of adead sleep. Still need to get more sleep - more 10 hr shifts coming up. Was't panicked so much about WW being gone - more of a general feeling of abandonment. Empty bed syndrome. Just took a pill - gotta stop my heart from pounding & stop shaking. Feels like I'm going insane. Rollercoaster, bumper cars. whatever. Woke up with my laptop in bed with me. lol. Fell asleep reading email...

I think I might hate this whole process. Not only do I not understand WW - can't even figure me out...

Davidiot

I'm losing it again, d****t. Overwhelmed to the point of losing it. Kids need me, just sat in the living room with them and talked about love, and how I want to keep them safe and protected, and how Mom and I love them. But I feel like I'm lying to them - I don't know what the H*** she thinks about them.

Now I can't do anything but sit here and shake and cry. Danged rolllercoaster (=

Time to pray. It's lonely here.

David

I just added you to my msn messenger list.

IM me if you want.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm losing it again, d****t. Overwhelmed to the point of losing it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">David,
Nothing profound to say, but...
Hang in there, dude!
I went thru EXACTLY what you're going thru. My WW moved out four months ago.
I'm so amazed at how the emotions change from one minute to the next.
It's going to go on for a while... just try to learn to expect it.
At least for me, the lows stayed pretty damn low for the longest time, BUT, with every passing day, they got a little shorter. And the highs start to last a little longer.

All SORTS of fun this ride is...

Stay strong, bro'!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tqt:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm losing it again, d****t. Overwhelmed to the point of losing it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">David,
Nothing profound to say, but...
Hang in there, dude!
I went thru EXACTLY what you're going thru. My WW moved out four months ago.
I'm so amazed at how the emotions change from one minute to the next.
It's going to go on for a while... just try to learn to expect it.
At least for me, the lows stayed pretty damn low for the longest time, BUT, with every passing day, they got a little shorter. And the highs start to last a little longer.

All SORTS of fun this ride is...

Stay strong, bro'! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess it'd help if she'd just stay away. I don't know. Miss her at times, want her completely gone the rest of the time.

Dang

David

David,

I was there just like you are now. Complete panic. Take a hot bath or shower, force yourself to eat. Drink some hot decaf tee or warm milk. Cuddle up to your kids and read them a story, watch a movie, read a book. Go for a walk, phone a friend.

I will pray for you all night tonight and I will call you at 9:10 your time. Will you be up?

Keith

David,

I mean 7:10 your time, 9:10 mine. OK!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BHINWI:
<strong> David,

I mean 7:10 your time, 9:10 mine. OK!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'll be at work! Work 19:00 till 05:30 my time....Probably be up around 6:00 but I'm about as useful as a third thumb about that time.....

<small>[ February 12, 2005, 06:43 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

You will be ok then. Just remember that. I know (boy do I know) what you are going through.

Does your boss and personel dept know at work? If not, make sure they know.

Keith

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess it'd help if she'd just stay away. I don't know. Miss her at times, want her completely gone the rest of the time.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Took the words right out of my mouth -- but for me it was a couple months ago.

Just like your WW did, she left all sorts of (her) stuff in the house...
she kept coming back, sometimes for REALLY stupid reasons. Then she'd take a couple things, and a few days or a week later, she'd show up again. Finally, she ran out of excuses to come back. Although, just a few days ago, she did try to make an excuse to show up...

Anyway, lots of theories there. The way my mind worked was that every time she came back, it was a huge positive... and it screwed me up...twisted my heart all over the place. I think it comes down to them --- and it's easy to understand -- not being able to (and don't want to) completely sever the whole thing in one fell swoop.

My WW even said, the day before she moved out, as she was packing, etc... "why am I doing this?"

I think that's how they all feel. Somewhere in their fogged-out brain, they recognize the insanity of it all, but...

and the "but" is a whole 'nother story, of course.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tqt:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess it'd help if she'd just stay away. I don't know. Miss her at times, want her completely gone the rest of the time.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Took the words right out of my mouth -- but for me it was a couple months ago.

Just like your WW did, she left all sorts of (her) stuff in the house...
she kept coming back, sometimes for REALLY stupid reasons. Then she'd take a couple things, and a few days or a week later, she'd show up again. Finally, she ran out of excuses to come back. Although, just a few days ago, she did try to make an excuse to show up...

Anyway, lots of theories there. The way my mind worked was that every time she came back, it was a huge positive... and it screwed me up...twisted my heart all over the place. I think it comes down to them --- and it's easy to understand -- not being able to (and don't want to) completely sever the whole thing in one fell swoop.

My WW even said, the day before she moved out, as she was packing, etc... "why am I doing this?"

I think that's how they all feel. Somewhere in their fogged-out brain, they recognize the insanity of it all, but...

and the "but" is a whole 'nother story, of course. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh man - did you hit that one! That's a 4 run homer. She even left a painting I did for her - wants it to stay there on the wall 'cause it always makes her feel at home, and 'when we get back together, she wants it to be there.' And then she's off to 'study' (male anatomy, I suppose - typical law school subject). \

She only takes a few things at a time, and then is gone. I've stayed completely neutral for the most part, except when something she wants will be a disrpution to the kid's lives. I wish this was OVER. She's driving me insane. Half the time I'm deeply in love with her, the rest of the time, I just want to throw her sorry A** out and say "SO LONG, have a fun life..."

Dang

Davidiot

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BHINWI:
<strong> You will be ok then. Just remember that. I know (boy do I know) what you are going through.

Does your boss and personel dept know at work? If not, make sure they know.

Keith </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They know - and let me have xtra break times when I need them. The nursing staff is especially good about it. Been monitoring my BP, keeping me on scheduled breaks etc. There's a lot of support there. Even got propositioned by a couple of really cute nurses. LOL. "Still married, thank you!"

David

<small>[ February 12, 2005, 07:45 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish this was OVER. She's driving me insane. Half the time I'm deeply in love with her, the rest of the time, I just want to throw her sorry A** out and say "SO LONG, have a fun life..." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh man... I really really feel for you. She just "left" a week ago, right?
I know it doesn't help much right now to say this, but... you ARE in THE WORST of it. Pure Hell. Worse than Hell. But being in the worst of it means... no matter WHAT happens... there's NOwhere to go but UP! Try to remember that!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tqt:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish this was OVER. She's driving me insane. Half the time I'm deeply in love with her, the rest of the time, I just want to throw her sorry A** out and say "SO LONG, have a fun life..." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh man... I really really feel for you. She just "left" a week ago, right?
I know it doesn't help much right now to say this, but... you ARE in THE WORST of it. Pure Hell. Worse than Hell. But being in the worst of it means... no matter WHAT happens... there's NOwhere to go but UP! Try to remember that! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LMAO - that actully helped. Thank you. I guess there isn't anywhere to go but up from here. Just wish I could get past the feeling I dug this hole!

LOL

Thanks again

David

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just wish I could get past the feeling I dug this hole!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, David... quit stealing my lines, would ya?!?

I'm still struggling with that (digging the hole myself).

BUT!

It's weird... just today, again!... I was thinking about how SHE has herself in a really deep hole, and she doesn't know how to get out of it. And I really do think that that's how this whole thing got out of control, and ended up where it is now. She got herself to a point where she couldn't get out (with the OM).

No... you didn't dig any hole. We may have left the shovel unlocked in the garage... but then again, who the hell would've thought about locking up the shovel?

There's a book I started reading -- it's called "The Journey From Abandonment to Recovery" -- and it talks about one of the stages that we go thru is "self-internalization."
Another way of saying "It's my fault."
It's just part of the process... the whole big wonderful process.

I'd be happy to send you the book, if you want it. I didn't get past that chapter... can only read so much of this stuff, if you know what I mean.......

<small>[ February 12, 2005, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: tqt ]</small>

tqt- I'll just buy it.

W called todat. Told me she is so tired of being alone. Apparently OM has 'moved on". She said guys at school have been trying to hit on her because she's a MILF - had no idea what that word meant. Seems that rumors about her are flying thru the school. I feel so sorry for her. She wants to see about working this out, but the feelings she's got buried (about our relationship) keep her from knowing how to proceed. I'm giving her HNHN for V-Day.

I don't know what to believe. Just feel sick.

David

Tanelornpete

Just wanted to jump in and say I support you man.
I jumped back and read your other posts.

It will get better for you. There is really only one way it can go from here. Believe it.

Are you eating, sleeping and taking care of yourself? Thats important to.

What is a MILF? Can you say it on here?

Jerry

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jerry1128:
<strong> Tanelornpete

Just wanted to jump in and say I support you man.
I jumped back and read your other posts.

It will get better for you. There is really only one way it can go from here. Believe it.

Are you eating, sleeping and taking care of yourself? Thats important to.

What is a MILF? Can you say it on here?

Jerry </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MILF = Mother I'd Like to F***

I'm really nervous right now - W called back and said she needs to come over and talk....guess I'll find out what about.....

David

Tanelornpete

You gaotta quit giving her free access to you or it will keep tearing you apart.

Stay strong. As long as she can have access to you she will keep dragging you around.

Jerry

Jerry, I know. It's very difficult. I do love her, and want to be the man she wants. I've been leaving her completely alone, and I think she wants toknow why. Something really funny happened. One of my grown up kids (21) was up here visiting freinds last night, he stopped by work to say hi - I gave him the key to the house so he could sleep on the couch.

Wife drove by this morning earlier, saw the car parked in the driveway and zoomed off. Somehow I think she thinks I had a 'visitor' last night - hence the earler phone call and the fact that she wants to talk to me....hee hee. Maybe a little guilty consscience in there somewhere?

Oh well. You are right, but I'd like to keep this moving in a positive direction - I'm in Plan A, not B yet....

David