Thanks for more lyrics, Caren! I've got a million of 'em runnin' thru my head anyway - could always use a few more (=

Had a very rough day so far. V-Day. Bite me. Got home this morning at 6:00, went to bed, slept ann hour and a half, got the kids up, got breakfast, and all hell broke loose.

I'm not kidding, this broke my heart. DS11 just freaked out. Didn't want to go to school, I held him for a while, he was so angry he just kept punching his leg over and over. Finally got him calmed down, let all the kids know how much I lov ethem, how much I wnt us to be a family, that I am there for them and they can count on me if they need me.

Went outside, started my truck (frozen solid) and came back in, DS11 is at it again, pounding himself over and over with his backpack. He's always been the 'calm' one - never shows any emotions. I grabbed the pack away from him, and held him again, he started crying. When he finallly calmed down, he agreed to go to school, but said "I'm smart enough anyway, I don't need school". Told him if he needs me today, he can call and I'll come get him.

Took him to school, told his teacher what had happened (private school, very small - in our church) - teacher said he'd notify the Pastor, who has been counselling the kids.

Needless to say, I'm very upset about this. I don't know what I'm going to do - I'm worried that I may not be enough of a parent for these kids, that somehow I'll fail at this. I'm really freaked about IC's right now, need to start calling around and interview some. Problem is, none of the kids are on my insurance, can't add them till 'enrollment time' - they WERE on WW's ins, plus they are all Native American, covered by some really cheesy government 'insurance' program - useless and almost impossible to use. I am working on getting them into the 'welfare' insurance program, but I'm not sure it even covers counselling. Hope the pastor can help - he's really good at it and highly trained.

Still, I am freaked. Seeing him break down like that broke my heart, it took all I could do to stay calm and reassuring and ge them to school before I broke down and cried my eyes out. If only WW could have seen that. I can't wait for the next broadside (should be sometime today - court appearance over custody, 1:00 - HAPPY FRICKIN' V-DAY).

I guess I'm mostly just angry at WW right now.

David

David,

What a terrible way to start the day!! I am so sorry for the pain you and your children are suffering through. This is one of the things that makes me the craziest. Your post made me cry. The pain your DS is suffering. I understand his need to strike himself. I went through it myself, sometimes when you inflict physical pain on yourself, the emotional pain subsides for just that one moment. Sounds stupid, but it's true.

I hope your pastor can be helpful, the problem is that when one is so overwhelmed with emotional pain, words of comfort or attempts at trying to console person bounce off. They are not heard or comprehended. The pain is so severe. It is heartbreaking. I wish I had something I could say to help, but I don't. The only thing I can to is pray for you and your family and I will definitely do that.

As a father, I know that you would die to protect your child from anyone who would inflict such suffering upon him, but what do you do when it is your spouse--who should have that same protective instinct. It is so senseless. Just continue to hold him and love him and try to keep him from harming himself. I don't know how much counseling will help unfortunately. Like I said, the words just bounce off. Perhaps if you find a better counselor than I did. Like I said, I will be praying for you and your family.

I can't stand to watch the pain my two DDs go through either. My 6 year old has begun to wet her pants, wet the bed, and poop her pants--everyday. Additionally, she has nightmares. She just wants her daddy. I am separated from my WH right now, failing at Plan B. I am contemplating returning just so DD can see WH. The problem is that it hurts her when he says he will see her then doesn't show. What is the lesser of the two evils?

Take care and keep being the great dad you are.

Blessings and prayers for healing,

Suzanne

Thank's - the loss of this board was most untimely. I spent the dau on mental crutches. Took DS11 ro a wildlife refuge after work - his big passion, The pastor did a wonderful job with him today, much calmer, loving DS when I picked him up. The rest of tosat cannot be described, so I will sray away from it, other than to say it is obvious that I am closer to needing plan B than I had previously thought. Lost a dear friend today to an untimely death and all WW could say was "all you are trying to do is use guilt to manipulate me' - I can't tke much more pain.

I've inflicted enough on myself to let someone else add to it for their own sadisdtic pleasure.

In Deep Grief

David

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 02:23 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

David,

I'm sorry about your friend. Too many crappy things to go through our minds.

I'm glad the pastor was able to comfort your son. My DD (12) usually attends a small private school at my church also. It is wonderful because there is so much more support, especially spiritually.

I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope you don't have to go to Plan B.

I also feel kind of a connection with you because your d-day is the same as mine--only two years later. How horrible to have it be on your birthday. I always thought it was bad because it was the day after Christmas, a holiday that has not been the same since.

Take care of yourself.

Suzanne

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I also feel kind of a connection with you because your d-day is the same as mine--only two years later. How horrible to have it be on your birthday. I always thought it was bad because it was the day after Christmas, a holiday that has not been the same since.

Take care of yourself.

Suzanne </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow do I sympathhize with you, Ruins a holiday, huh? My Prayers are with you1

David

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 04:58 AM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

David-

As you could tell from my posts, I thought I was doing so well, but my Plan B got blindsided all day yesterday......woo hoo, go me.

It sucks that your WW is being so insensitive. And I'm sorry your son is going through such a rough time. My DD10 never says a word about how she's feeling, never talks about her Dad and I not being together. I always tell her to pray for him, because he isn't saved, and that having a girlfriend when you are married is a sin, and we have to pray that God can help him.

She loves her Daddy so much, and he is REALLY good about calling her (Well he's gonna be calling the answering machine from now on...) But when something does blow up with her (She's demonstrating a lot of anger...just stomping around, or her and DD13 will start slappng the sh*t out of each other, and I have to break them up).

I hope you have a better day today.

-Caren

P.S. Sorry I wasn't on last night, by the time 9:00 pm CST rolled around (the message said the forum would re-open then) I was too tired, and just went to bed.

David, it is all fog. Do not take fog talk seriously, okay? believe me, that statement she made will come back to her later...and she will not like herself for saying it.

My oldest was the same way during this. While the other two were very expressive and it was easier for them to tell me how they felt, my oldest kept everything inside. ut then he would get nagry at striking out in baseball, or ona video game...and start hitting his leg. I did the same thing you did, and it helped him.

You areworried about being enough of a parent for them, right? So did I. shoot, when my wife first left us, my mother-in-law later said that she thought it would take me no more than thirty days before I would be screaming for help. But she found new found respect for me when I did it all for almost 8 months! And so did I...and so did the kids.

One thing I had to do rght before we went to our custody hearing was to realize who's kidsthese are. I was so freaking out that I wouldnt get custody, and those kids would end up around the OM. And I couldnt see ANYTHING in life that would be worse for those kids. But, a Christian friend of mine said something to me that helped me to setle down. He said "Mortarman, those kids do not belong to you. They belong to God. dont you believe that He loves them? dont you believe that He wants the best for them? So trust Him. He'll take care of them, no matter what situation happens. And He will provide you with the strength to be the parent they need."

You will be fine David. Yes, I too believe Plan B is almost upon you. Just concentrate on the kids and trust the Lord. He will take car of everything!

In His arms.

David, all I have to say is that from what I can tell you are a awesome father to your children. You are taking care of them the best you can during a very difficult time. Keep an eye on your son. I think working with the school/church is a great approach. It is so sad when the WS has no clue as to how their behavior affects the children. They refuse to see it and choose to push it back on the BS.

Your WW is in a bad place right now, but do not let her self pity get you to let her back in too early. There are a lot of hurts she must repair, and she needs to prove that she is ready to work on things, not just act like nothing happened.

You are amazingly strong and I have no doubt that your children adore you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justcall meHomer:
<strong> David, all I have to say is that from what I can tell you are a awesome father to your children. You are taking care of them the best you can during a very difficult time. Keep an eye on your son. I think working with the school/church is a great approach. It is so sad when the WS has no clue as to how their behavior affects the children. They refuse to see it and choose to push it back on the BS.

Your WW is in a bad place right now, but do not let her self pity get you to let her back in too early. There are a lot of hurts she must repair, and she needs to prove that she is ready to work on things, not just act like nothing happened.

You are amazingly strong and I have no doubt that your children adore you. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think she's decided to do her own version of plan B to me - haven't heard from her at all. Well, I did quit contacting her, leaving it all up to her to decide if she wanted to talk. One thing that bothers me is that she has never called the kids to sayt goodnight to them - not since she left. I had them call her a couple of times, but I'm getting a little stubborn as this goes on. SHe should be contacting THEM - what kind of message is she giving them? There was a time, not long ago, where she couldn't make it thru a day w/o tellig them she loved them, and hugging them (all pre-A, of course). I am stunned and angry and frightened about what the kids are going thru. Wish I could be in their heads - make them KNOW how much they are loved - by both W and I.

Each day hurts a bit more. Court was cancelled - judge is in the hospital with the flu or something.

David

More of me blithering. Just decided to help her move. Started packing everything in boxes, and piling them in tha garage. That way she doesn't have to stick around - shs can just swing by, load up, and leave.

And I gave her chair to a good friend that had no furniture in her Living Room. Heh heh. I'm turning mean, dangit. Didn't want to do this.....

David

Pete and Caren....

Sorry for more WS stuff...just remember, you hang in there...she's temp. bonkers during affair high.

Now Caren...like the papa roach lyric.

As for me, this is the ULTIMATE PLAN B SONG...or in my case, could totally describe how I felt about xwh when he was waffling and cake eating at end. Reminds me of him...and of day when I signed papers. It's a tough song to listen to, but it is SOOOOO ABOUT DEALING WITH A TOXIC WS.

Scars...again, by the band with somebody dealing with some heavy issues..Papa Roach!

SCARS
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed 'cause you came around
Why don't you just go home?
'Cause I channeled all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is...

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shoulda' never come around
Why don't you just go home?
'Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand

Go fix yourself (dude screams this part of song)

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I'm absolutely amazed that people actually like Papa Roach - always felt alone there! He speaks to the heart like very few other people. Thank you. I'm off to buy more boxes to pack more of her sh....er stuff. She will have a nice stack of boxed out there if she ever shows uup again. Think she's avoiding me right now - heh heh.

Hey, does anyone else agree with me about her calling the kids to say goodnight - I've had them do it, but for the past two nights, I didn't approach the subject at all, and she never calls. Is that hurting the kids, or is it showing them a little too much reality....I feel guilty about it.....

BRAD PLAYS GREAT
LOOKS BETTER -

Plays better...
Looks great.....

Oh man, that's a good commercial

Holy, Moly, I'll buy what they're selling...

I'm Brad Paisly, and I approve this message)

Had to throw that in - I love it.....Anyway - I'm packing her up, even after I lied and told her I'd do nothing to stop her but wouldn't help either.

David, foot in mouth aqgain....

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

If you like Papa Roach, you really need to go out and buy "Meteora" - the latest release of Linkin Park. The entire CD is about leaving a loved one and the angst associated with it. Almost every song is good - no filler garbage. I love listening to it to vent!

David -

I hope you can be the calm rock for your children during this tempest that is raging around you. I know you can. Just come here and vent everything, then be with your family calm and solid. I know you can do this.

TM

TM - I have the new Linkin Park CD - put it this way - I'm a musician by nature, and collect mucic as a hobby. I have almost 200 gigs of music on my computer - it takes months to to a 'random playlist' - everything from Mozart's complete collection to everything Frank Zappa wrote. I also had a son DS17 who has released several CDs (all free on the net), it runs in the family. Yes, I'm bragging, but these days, I have so little that seems any good about me. I even have a CD that I'm tweaking to produce for myself.

Today has been wierd. I boxed up a lot of my wife's stuff - I can actually move my stuff from the garage to the bedroom (yes, I've had a dresser and clothes hanging in the garage since my A). I am getting my own space!

Taking the kids to see Spongebob Movie tonight (I love Spongebob) - family outing. Left WW a message saying she could stop by pick up the stuff she's been 'too busy' to pack. It's all in boxes next to the Living rOOm door.

Found myself in medical shock this morn - the death of one of my best friends, WW messing around - it got to me. Took care of myself right away, no one found out, but I'm going to have to be careful...

David