I woke up in the middle of the night with someting my WW said earlier today - and I realized it was pretty much saying "She's not coming back - she's gone, David".

I realize I was asleep, after taking a Valium, but, is there a fog that hits us BSs too? Something that keeps us from hearing what we must, something that keeps up hope when there is none?

If there's a fog - how do WE break it. I want it gone!. I want to do things right. And I'm thinking, "David, you've going at this all wrong. You don't deserve her back..."or "There must be something else you MUST be doing..."

I know any of us feel this way - is there any truth to it, or am I typing in my sleep?

David

With me it was hope, fear and lack of knowledge that clouded my thinking.

All gone now but hope, and that now has a healthy dose of realism and practicality.

I do not think its the same sort 'fog' as WS are wreathed in. It doesn't often cause spiteful actions, but DOES cause cowardly and indecidive actions.

Thanks Bob - I jump at every danged positive sign from her, only to get broadsided over and over again. Nice to know someone else is awake this time of night. I'm too used to working 19:00 - 5:30....

Just seemed to me that we have a fog we are bound in - hope, hope, hope, misreading clues, hope, hope, etc....something that just doesn't help at hard times. Guess that's why I have my plan A posted on the Fridge...

David

I learned early on that hoping for a change in circumstances isn't effective, but planning for one is.

You life is PERFECTLY organised to achive the results you currently get. Change your behaviour & life to get a change in results. Hoping relies on other changing THEIR lives.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by b0b pure*:
<strong> I learned early on that hoping for a change in circumstances isn't effective, but planning for one is.

You life is PERFECTLY organised to achive the results you currently get. Change your behaviour & life to get a change in results. Hoping relies on other changing THEIR lives. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bob - all I work on is ridding myself of old LBs and supplying what I THINK are her ENs. That's beem the focus of my life for almost 5 months. But I stilll hear one thing, and then, hours later, realize what CRAP I just heard. How long does that go on?

David

My Squid only stopped her poison and sulking when I asked her why she was still at home with us when she wasn't contributing to the quality of life of me or our kids. This was after about six weeks after d-day.

She went very quiet for a while, then started contributing to our life; doing laundry, offering to cook. Speaking civilly to me and the kids.
The fog bollocks only really died down to breathable levels after NC had been in place for a month or so.

Now she hs been fog free in all engagements except talking about the affair for four months or so.

Don't take anything she says as gospel right now, and don't give her opportunities to fog babble you. As Pep wonderfully said " a closed mouth gathers no foot" !.

Be patient and detach from the bullsh*t until. Its all you can do.

I believe there is BS fog. After all, we believe everything they tell us (at least for a while). I still think that my wife isn't in an EA sometimes even though I have caught her and have tons of evidence.

I know she is lying and she gets in my head and makes me believe her. She blames me and then I believe her. It goes on and on but yes, there is fog for us also. The key is to get we BS's out of the fog first. See the situation for what it is and not what our WS tells it is. Believe what you see, not what you are told.

Keith

Double post.

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 09:58 AM: Message edited by: Daisy37 ]</small>

I KNOW there is a BS fog and I think is very similar to the fog the Ws experience.

Fog is fog. A fog is when all your logic goes right out the window and instead of using your BRAIN to think you allow another part of your body to do your thinking.

Sometimes it`s the heart you allow to run the show...sometimes it`s another body part <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

The BS too often lets their hearts dictate their actions. A heart is NOT logical. It runs on emotions. If you allow your heart to tell you what to do you are in a fog.

Logic is what you need to recover from an affair. Some of the logical steps required run contrary to what our heart is telling us to do.

Which is why you have the Plan A and and if necessary then Plan B. You have to follow each step of the plans religiously. Starting with
NC.

Now sometimes Plan A is enough. Plan B is the follow up plan in case Plan A did not cut it.

How many months are you into Plan A...

Is there NC...

6 months is the recommended time frame for Plan A. If it has not worked by then then you need to go into Plan B.

What I am trying to say here is do not give up until you have tried every logical step to repair this. Do not let your heart tell you what to do until your brain as applied all of the logical steps.

Now not every M can be saved. But you must not give up until you have tried every logical step....followed every plan to the letter.

If I had listened to my heart in early recovery I would have given up long ago. Fortunately I did not.