my d-ay was right after x-mas for six weeks i believed it was only one kiss. He ended it right there had nc even know they worked toghter .He just ignored her and then told her it was a mistake she said she figured it out. She finally told her h and he threated mine but both agreed to work on there own m. But then he told me more he told me at work in her car they found a spot and almost went all the way she had a skirt on i guess he said he stopped just before they were gonna do it.This killed me.they were'nt even prepared i was so upset he said they did'nt do it but it was close enough. he still went to get tested after i told him of could of still happened after all he really did'nt know her.After getting so close to him again because we drefted apart and so close to him sexually i told him i can't be with him or even change in front of him right now. he told me that don't matter he just wants us to heal in our minds and then we can worry about that. We have plans to go away this weekend for the first time ever by ourselves. we never even had a honeymoon.He don;t mind that i might not be able to do anything else other than be there.to try to have a good time.How do i get over this new info. How do i know after he lied that they really did'nt go all the way? He said he got scared and stopped. Can a male really be excited and then just lose it?I need to know how not to think of this and what they did. He never loved her or even came close to.WE are in such a better place he does everything fo me i hear those words more then ever i heard them so much in these past six weeks then i have in 12 yrs that goes for me two cause i never said them that much either.I know we will be happy i just do'nt know were to start.

Thanks
LL

^^^Bump^^^

Someone please advice this person. She is a new poster.

I posted on your other thread. My suggestion is still the same.

AS to your question, yes it is possible to stop but it takes tremendous power to do so. If it happened as he said, he s/b glad.

Now the healing needs to be done by each of you for the other. You need patience for yourself and for him. It is ok t/b angry but learn to work through it together. Phone counseling with Steve H @ MB will help.

I made my suggestions on your other thread.

All the best.
L.

lastinglove, were there conditions in your marriage that you think made him vulnerable to an affair? You see, if his needs are not being met at home, he will be vulnerable to an affair.

That is why I am very concerned that you won't have sex with him. That is exactly the WRONG thing to do when he is withdrawing from an affair. He NEEDS to get his needs met by YOU, especially at this time.

I realize you are in great pain right now, but please don't make the situation WORSE by withholding sex; that is leaves him vulnerable and comes across as punishment.

I would suggest that you get the book Surviving an Affair - you can order it from this website. It will help you understand what has led to all this so you can take steps to affair-proof your marriage. If you don't fix the problem, it may happen again.