I have made my wishes that she NOT have our kids around OM. But she refuses to accept this, she has only ONCE asked the kids what they wanted. they told her they DIDN'T want OM around.

Now she wants to take them to the state fair this Sunday, I want her to be with her kids, but I think that having OM at the fair riding roller coasters with DS & DD is making me sick to my stomach. I am trying to find a non-LB way to get her to see that she is hurting both the kids & me by doing this.

I think if she wants to go to the fair with OM & his kids then GO, but leave my kids out of it. I also think that she wants to take them so that I won't want to.

Please help me figure this out.

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 05:16 PM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>

You take them to the fair. Tell her you already have plans with your children.

Hosea, Don't give in to her nonsense and don't let her see that she is getting to you. I agree with Kayla that you just tell her you have plans with the kids.

Hosea,

I've read your story and I feel sorry for you. I have no adivce for you. Just posting to say hang-on there you only have 4 more days to your hearing. Hope your DS and DD don't suffer anymore. Take care.

SM.

I think I will tell her that we already had planned to go to the fair after church, and that she is welcome to join us.

She will accuse me of just trying to keep her kids away from her, but I could care less right now.

sadman, TY, but it is only a mediation on Monday. then after we cannot agree during that session we can schedule a hearing. the hearing could be another couple of weeks.

Having boundaries when dealing with your kids is NOT an LB!!

In His arms.

Here is the email response I am sending. pick it apart please.

WW,

DD12 told me you wanted to do something Saturday evening, so I made plans with the kids for Sunday after church. I expect DD12 to be home Saturday afternoon around 5:30PM. Let me know if you would like to still see them after she gets home, but Sunday we will be busy.

In His Love,

Chuck

Do your in-laws live in the same city? Can you talk to them and ask them to ask WW to go with kids to their place? Maybe some other third party that can be involved and look for your children?Just brainstorming.

No relatives within 500 miles. and unfortunately no mutual friends either.

Sad I know.

Hosea, you still must address the problem at hand. Making up some excuse will not help. If you don't tell her what the REAL ISSUE is, then you will be dealing with this EVERY WEEK. Just get it over ONCE and be done with it.

Tell her that you will not have your children dragged into her affair and will not allow them to be exposed to inappropriate people like the OM. End of story!

There is no reason for you to NOT tell her what the real issue is.

You can't sacrifice your children's best interest in order to appease her irresponsible whims.

Hosea,

I wanted to share a part of my story with you.

When my H and I were seperated....for the 3rd time he threatened to seperate our daughters.

He wanted the smallest one to come and live with him because she is a BIG TIME daddy's girl and she was having a hard time dealing with him being gone.

Though we were seperated we still ended up at his parents house on Holidays because he is their son and they still considered me their daughter in law and because I went EVERYWHERE my children went when it was their time with me.

Somehow in my H's then demented mind he thought it would be okay to seperate our daughters. He was convinced that it was the best thing to do. He was actually willing to force them apart and do whatever he thought he needed to do to do it.

That day on Easter Sunday he decided that it was time to act on it. He voiced his thoughts to his parents and then proceded to tell me what he planned to do when he left....which was to take our youngest daughter with him and to keep her and give me visitation.

Well...up to this point I had pretty much been trying to avoid making him mad. Everything I did was wrong....and everything I did and said was just to make him mad.....you know the story.

I snapped that day. That is the day that I realized that sometimes....especially when it comes to my girls.....H was just going to have to deal with not getting his way. Boo Friggin Hoo if he got mad about MY decisions. HE left the house. HE left the girls with me. HE NEVER said anything about wanting the girls with him ALL the time. So.....HE left his parental rights at the door when he left. It took me a while to get that. It took me even longer to work up the courage to stand up to him....but his irrational thinking is what finally made do it.

Protecting your children is NEVER a LB under any circumstances.

If your WW gets mad about your decisions.....well...that's HER problem.

hosea,

Your kids are old enough to decide that on their own aren't they. Can they just tell your wife how they feel? Kids saying the truth seem to be a lot less of an LB than when it comes from you.

BTW....the Florida state fair? I'll be there with my daughter this weekend....we can share a funnel cake.

God Bless

Doug

Dear W,

DD12 told me that you want them to to meet OM on Sunday. I must insist that they do not. Our children should not ever be exposed to your affair as this would give them the impression that it is acceptable and normal.

I will always encourage our children to spend time with you but it can only be with the stipulation that they are not ever exposed to Jim. I will not vacillate on this very important issue.

I have confidence that you love our children enough to value their best interests and very much appreciate your cooperation.

Love,
Hosea

ML & Miss Priss,

Thank You for your strength, but you need to realize that I HAVE told her on every occaision that I will not permit my kids to be involved in her A.

BUT!!!! My attorney has advised me that if I do not allow her to see them, then the judge will not be happy, and I could end up losing them to her & OM. SO I have to find other ways to get what i want, and what the kids need, until we get the custody settled in court.

I am not delaying confronting her, read my story below, I have made it perfectly clear on every occaision, yet she does not care, she even tells me that OM's kids are the best behaved kids she has met, and they will be nothing but a good influence on our kids. She brags about how loving OM is with his kids (trying to say I'm not).

I just need to get through this month, and right now this weekend. I cannot state that i will go with the kids everywhere, cause last time I tried that she told the kids she cannot see them "because daddy will stalk me".

Hosea, see, one of the main reasons that WS' want their children to meet the OP is so that they can add an undeserved patina of "respectibility" to their affair.

They desperately want to normalize it. And bringing the children into it makes it more socially acceptable in their mind.

On the other hand, if the children are not allowed to meet the OP, then it sends a strong message that what they are doing is too sleazy for the children to witness up front. That is the message you want to send!

Your refusal to allow the children to be dragged into her affair will cause problems and doubt. THAT IS YOUR JOB!! It is not your job to facilitate her desire to add a false air of respectibility to a disrepectful, sleazy situation. See what I mean?

And as their father, and the only sane adult in this mess, it falls to you to protect these children from her sleaziness.

D_Rose,

YES the Fl State Fair. send me an email if you like, chuckwwl@tampabay.rr.com maybe we can share that funnel cake, how old is your daughter? Yes, my kids are old enough, but DD won't tell her because she doesn't want to hurt her feelings, and DS is afraid that if he says anything then he won't get to see his mom. So she doesn't ask them, and they just suffer along so they can see her. DS psychologist even told WW that she had better open up to DS, and talk to him and help him with his anger at her abondoning the family, and his anger at OM or she will lose him for good. She is oblivious, she just keeps telling herself the the kids will be fine. read her "prayer request" and you can see some of her mindset.

Melody, WW told me in an email, she didn't tell the kids this yet, and she never admits that OM will be there, she always says, "He might be there".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hosea_2004:
<strong>

BUT!!!! My attorney has advised me that if I do not allow her to see them, then the judge will not be happy, and I could end up losing them to her & OM. SO I have to find other ways to get what i want, and what the kids need, until we get the custody settled in court.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am confused. Why would you not allow her to see the kids? What does that have to do with not allowing them to be around the OM? If she doesn't want to agree your conditions, then it would be HER choice, not yours. You are not withholding them from her.

Does the judge know that she is dragging your children into her affair?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am confused. Why would you not allow her to see the kids? What does that have to do with not allowing them to be around the OM? If she doesn't want to agree your conditions, then it would be HER choice, not yours. You are not withholding them from her.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WW says that I am placing unfair restrictions on her seeing them, and thus "keeping them away from her" My attorney says that i have made my wishes known, and that unfortunately I cannot stop her unless there is a real physical danger from WW or OM. I agree it is HER CHOICE, but I can't risk the judge seeing it her way.

catch 22

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hosea_2004:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am confused. Why would you not allow her to see the kids? What does that have to do with not allowing them to be around the OM? If she doesn't want to agree your conditions, then it would be HER choice, not yours. You are not withholding them from her.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WW says that I am placing unfair restrictions on her seeing them, and thus "keeping them away from her" My attorney says that i have made my wishes known, and that unfortunately I cannot stop her unless there is a real physical danger from WW or OM. I agree it is HER CHOICE, but I can't risk the judge seeing it her way.

catch 22 </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know what I would do? I would go before the judge myself and explain the situation. There have been many cases here where the judge will not allow the kids to be exposed to the OP. You just have to ask for it.

I just would not allow my children to be dragged into this situation. Sometimes I think that attorneys focus more on legal expediancy than the best interest of the parties involved so you have to fight for what you want.