Hi,

I read some of your threads and since I am insecure about getting my WH's chain of command involved, I would like to ask you for your opinion.

I would have to call my H's SGM and I am scared to do so, because a few months ago I talked to his former 1SG and he just told him to either divorce me or quit with the OW.

Well, you can imagine what was the easier way out.
He emailed me that he wanted a divorce already twice and each time pulled back after a day.

Would you mind reading my story and get back with me as soon as you can?

Thanks a lot, I'm really close to giving up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />


Ravenclaw

Me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

My Story

Hi Ravenclaw,
I read on the link you have in your signature line, and also the thread to Mortarman.

MM knows a whole lot more than I do about the chain of command, IG and the subsequent actions that would be taken against your H.

You've already seen that you are getting less money from your H. Do you have copies of emails he has sent about the OW, or has that mainly been in phone calls? In any case, it doesn't sound like he denied having an affair to the 1SG, so I don't think any claim that they are all "roommates" would be believable at this point.

Since the 1SG's actions were ineffective, I don't see a problem going to the SGM. I'm not familiar with IG at all, but MM is and that also sounds like a good avenue to pursue.

In reality you don't know if anything your H says is true and you certainly don't know what he has told people. People seeing him with the OW could likely assume the 2 of you divorced, especially since he's so open about living with her. I had good friends who saw my H with the OW...and they never told me and they assumed we were divorcing. We weren't.

Your H had the opportunity to "clean up his mess". He didn't. You need to safeguard your children's financial well-being. If he's driving a Corvette as an E8...he's driving marital assests, being low on calling card funds and not calling his children because of that AND "helping out" the OW is outrageous in my opinion.

However, I wouldn't SAY that to him.

Your H chose to continue to go against military policy against adultery after he was warned. He's chosen his path, and there are natural consequences to his choice.

I am always in favor of natural consequences for the WS. Otherwise, he will continue just as he is waffling back & forth.

My H waffled for 2 years, in and out of our home. He didn't settle into a course of action until I served him the divorce papers, though he said many times he was going to divorce me. When I decided that was fine with me...it wasn't what he truly wanted. But that was after an 18 month Plan A.

I really never thought of going to his superiors, there weren't a lot of military folk here on MB back then (5-6 years ago), nor was exposure advised to the degree it is now.

I realized I do know one more thing!

I've been taking Family Readiness/Support leadership training and there is growing concern about the increased divorce rates after deployment.

In fact my state has begun offering PREP: the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program through the Family Readiness Office and Chaplain's Office with couples from units home from deployment having first priority. It's basically a marriage enrichment weekend.

So, there is concern about military marriages out there if you can tap into it.

Hi Lor <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ,

thanks for your reply. My H has a different 1SG now and what upsets me the most is the fact that he keeps emailing the kides that he loves and misses them so much but he has not yet tried to visit them since last year july for 1 day although he did have flight tickets right there!

He even tells them he'll call them as soon as he gets international calling (was supposed to happen this week) and does not.
How does that work in the US with international calling or not, we do not have a system like that in Europe?

Well, today the phone rang once and when I answered, a voice told me I should stand by for a message but then the phone hung up.
So I don't know if this was him or not?!
I never received a call like that before, so any of you know if this is a typical operator call or what?

However, saying that he cannot afford upgrading his phone card but drive around in a corvette as a promotable E7 (going to be E8)is not really showing a lot of responsiblity to me!

I'm just not yet at the point to get his chain of command involved but I will get there sometimes for sure! I got to for the sake of our children, I know!

I'm just one of these dedicated military wifes that do not cheat on their H's while they are deployed (went through that twice, Bosnia 9 months and Iraq) or spend all their money and this is what I get for those 12 years of helping his career.
I met him when he was an E-2 and now that he finally makes his E-8 this is it for me.
Easy and attempting for the OW, isn't it?!

Sorry, but I had to vent a bit tonight as the weekend is approaching and I know who he is going to spend it with <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

You all take care out there and hang in there!

Raven

Me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
Married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

By the way Lor,

I will go to the family readiness group and also to the chaplain.
I talked to him about all of this last year when I first found out but maybe they can also be of some help to me!

Thanks for your advice, have a good night!

Raven